Second post - WTF - not what I wanted to hear
A massive massive thanks to those of you who replied to my first blog - I cried when I read your responses, and am so grateful to you all for taking the time to respond.
So I was at the hairdressers today getting all my hair cut off, when my surgeon called me with the results and they were not the ones I was hoping for. Dammit! All a bit of a blur but I've since called her back and asked her to email through so I can digest it properly, but I have to go back for more surgery. Something about DCIS tumors found and cancer in the lymph node. So wishing I'd had the mastectomy now, but no point regretting now. Still have to wait till Friday for my appt with her and discuss what happens next but she said I could have surgery next week, which I'm sure I will do, just want to keep moving ahead.
dammit, dammit dammit. and lots of other bad words too. can't tell the kids yet, will wait till friday's appt when we know more, but why do they have to see me go through this, so not fair!!! And friggin Naplan for all 3 of them next week, bloody brilliant.... At least their schools are not fussing over that, so I hope they won't stress out about it either. I've told them it's not important.
Anyway, off to sport and a mothers day 'do" at school tonight, put on a brave face. Soldier on, be strong, all that stuff. feel sick inside though...
Comments
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Hey SW2012
I know you must be swimming in your head right now, but everything will be okay, you have to stay strong for your kids and you will get through this, sending lots of positive vibes and hugs xxxx
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Hi there,
you don't have to be strong all of the time. Be prepared that things may get the better of you when you least expect it. I know you want to be strong for the kids, and yourself too. But you need to allow yourself to feel. Gotta love expletives!! Many of us experience dammit moments throughout this process. Hence why we all say one day at a time because things change and things can happen and sometimes one thing leads to another. Wishing you all the best for your appointment with the surgeon and your surgery. Karen xox
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Hey there
We have all been where you are now. Take it one appointment at a time. My advice is to be honest with the kids as it takes lots of energy to hide whats going on and you are better redircting that energy into getting better.
Take it from me naplan is the least of your worries. They are a complete waste of time and mean very little.
Try to think positive i am sending you big hugs??
Maryrose
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I'm sorry you have an other hurdle to jump....
I have had two surgeries....the lumpectomy to remove the tumour and cancerous nodes and then to my horror a re excision as the margins were not clear in my breast....Currently going through chemo....I am yet to have a bi lateral mastectomy and rads, then hormone.
It's a huge thing we are going through. It's hard enough to go through it with adult kids (mine) I cannot imagine how hard it would be with little ones....i told my kids bluntly, but they are adults....so you will find a way to tell your kids in a way for their ages to understand... some of my friends have little ones that were curious, so I told them I was fighting a nasty dragon and needed their help! So we drew our swords and yelled at the "dragon"......
Wishing you all the best with whatever comes....take an extra pair of ears with you to your appointments...ask a million questions and ask againn until you are satisfied YOU understand what is going on.......remember to breathe......Xx
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Mine was mastectomy first and I was recalled for more surgery when the sentinel lymph node was biopsied as cancerous. This meant I had to have more surgery to remove all the lymph nodes in the armpit area and have those tested. Fortunately they were all negative for cancer. You may well need a mastectomy this time as well but your oncologist will discuss that part. Mine was all for the lumpectomy but I was adamant about having a mastectomy which as it turns out was warranted as I had duel sorts of cancer in the breast and a fatty cyst on the other side of the nipple which may have become a problem later on. If you have questions, no matter how silly you think they are, write them down and ask your oncologist when you see him/her.
I would tell the kids teachers of your treatment so they can keep an eye on your children and perhaps keep them a little busier in school and stop the minds wondering into the daydreaming what if territory. You might also be surprised how many mums have been touched my bc too. I found there is one in my street here and four others in one street at the other end of this small beachside town.
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Gosh, thanks so much everyone. Feeling slightly better today, and getting pages of questions for doc tmrw. And going to do a bit more research this afternoon too. Knowledge is power.
I went into my first appt adamant that I wanted a double mastectomy straight up but after discussing it with the surgeon, thought the wide local excision might be better as I could recover sooner and start treatment, whatever it may be. Now I'm going in again, this time even more adamant that it will be a double mast. Get the bastard out of me, once and for all.
Frightening that I've had a mammogram mid last year, 2 ultrasounds, biopsy and another mammogram just before surgery and the pathology report found 5 tumors in all - and the original ultrasound only showed 2. What the hell is going on with that! Thank god I found it when I did!
My husband and i have been upfront and honest with our kids from day one, but this time I just thought I'd wait till tmrw after we talk to the surgeon and find out when I'm going in again. Having said that though, today maybe we will just tell them what we know for now, that I have to have another operation. I told their schools straight away too, so they are being fabulous. And the kids have been wonderful so far - too much for them to go through but at 10 and 12, they all seem to be coping so far. Natural to worry about them too though.
I'm also so lucky to have the support of an A-MMAZ-ing friend who went through this 4 years ago - she's been a total rock and I'll never be able to thank her enough. She's even offered to come to my appt tmrw, but we've decided we want to just go together for this one.
And I know so so many others who have had varying levels of bc, and they are all still here, so I'll definitely be one of them, no question.
One day at a time. Just a shame those days are going so so slow at the moment..... Pls invent a machine that speeds up time!
And if anything good comes out of this, the support shown to me by family and friends is amazing and overwhelming at times. I'm so very lucky, funny to say that now, but I do feel truly blessed at times.
Take care all, and thanks for your messages of support - sending all positive vibes and love to you all too. D
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Hi there,
I am nearly 5 years post a second diagnosis. Both mine were like yours in that I had had clear mammograms only 8 and then 6 months prior to diagnosis. You sound reasonably young and younger breasts are apparently more dense and so it's harder to find the tumours. It doesn't make it any easier hearing that though. I ended up having my second breast removed for that reason at the time of my reconstruction. My kids were in year 3 and year 5 at 1st diagnosis and then year 5 and year 7 second time. yep both Naplan years, but like you said that's not that important. We, like you were very honest with the kids in a kid friendly way. We drip fed them information as they needed it. I also kept the school informed so it's great you have done that. It sounds like you have great support around you and that makes all the difference. I wish you lots of luck.
Paula xxx
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Sending you courage and clarity, take a note pad into the appointment with you, and a support person. Have some questions prepared for the surgeon, and take some time after the appointment to check with your support person about any information that you may have missed. It is like walking in a fog with all of this going on around you. Just take a big breath each day, and take it 1 appointment and 1 treatment at a time, and it will be easier to process what is happening.
Big cuddles from Trace ????????
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I cannot imagine what must be going through your head as I know how taxing and overwhelming it all is without even having to go back for the 2nd round of consults and surgeries.
I am so glad that you have such a wonderfull firns by your side supporting you today so I just want to wish you all the best today and for you to get the outcome you desire and need.
I know it is hard in these situations so I wish for you to stay strong and clearheaded and sending you strength and good vibes ??????
Hugs
Jel.
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