Pet peeve
Hi
I am sure that I am not the only one who has this pet peeve. Since my diagnosis of breast cancer late last year it certainly tells you who will and who will not stick by you. One friend said she wouldn't ring me as she had a headache!! A neighbour came for a very short visit and when I see her across the road I may get a wave. No 'how are your or anything from her'. But the most upsetting is when it comes from family and in my case very close family, a daughter. It is like that she is pretending it isn't happening. Maybe she cannot deal with the fact that her aunt and her mother have had breast cancer. She only lives five minutes from us which to makes it worse. Yet I have had friends from all around the world who have been in touch with me by phone and video calling on FB which is so great and I know that I have to be thankful for those people in my life. I have said to my husband at times that I feel like I have a dreaded disease! But I am keeping positive and not letting it get me down. I just felt I needed to vent out today haha.
Have a great day everyone
Ady
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Vent away Ady! It's weird how just that one little word 'cancer' has such a big impact!
I too have been told 'not to contact me again' from my sister after telling her of my diagnosis... Thought she should know as our mum had it too and now me! What was I thinking? Grrr! Ok we aren't the closest of families but Her reaction hurt more than the actual diagnosis!!
It's hard to know how people will react, you just have to shrug it off.... Those who really care will make the effort... And those who don't, well maybe they're not meant to be with you through this time... As far as your daughter goes, I feel she's in shock! Just let her know you're there to answer any questions, maybe she needs a bit of time to adjust? I know we don't get that time, we are thrown into appointments and treatments very quickly, but I feel your daughter will come around, be patient, it will all work out ...
Love and light for easy recovery and beautiful days...
-Tracy
stay strong|breathe|believe
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Ady yes it's hard when the ones you want to be by your side are not there for you... but in my case I have not been left alone, I've been contacted by friends I haven't seen or spoken for like 3 yrs, for me sometimes its all too overwhelming when they want to see me I want to just be in my own little cocoon but I should appreciate the fact that they care and want to be supportive.
Chriss xx
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Hi Scorpionqueen
That is sad for you with your sister. I know that I am not the only one in this situation. Luckily no one I know who has seen me has crossed across to the other side of the road yet LOL
My radiation is going well and I feel pretty good so far. Long may it continue. 19 treatments to go.
Ady
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Hi Chrissk
I can understand where you are coming from. I don't want to be contacted by heaps of people but perhaps the ones that should be keeping in contact (daughter) should do a little more but as Scorpionqueen said above my daughter could be in shock. She lost her Dad when he was 56 so perhaps she is fearful that I may die too, but alas I am going strong and sure I will be hear for a long time yet. I live in the country so it can be a bit lonely at times.
Ady
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Yes totally understand about your daughter but like you said she may be in shock and doesn't know how to deal with it. My eldest son (21) doesn't know how to deal with my BC either and can be really rude sometimes..
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Hi Ady,
Dealing with cancer or major illness can be mentally & emotionally exhausting. Whether as a patient, friend or family member everyone handles these situations differently. I think the majority of people are caring & wish the best outcome. I've come across different reactions & support. I believe it just shows that some people are better equipped than others. It doesn't mean they don't care. Often they're just not sure what to say, do & have their own situations to deal with. I think of them as my quiet supporters, cheering me on by prayers or best wishes. Surround yourself with those whose company you enjoy. There are always a few who are annoying, but they were probably annoying before your diagnosis.
Cheers,
Orchid x
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Hi Ady,
I have had the same response my brother and sister in law and some friends act like Cancer is contagious and won't have anything to do with me now offer to help so I have just cut them out as we are not living in the dark ages and don't need selfishness and the hurt that comes with that , the mastechtomey is hard enough to deal with . They have problems in the head , fair weather people. Don't need them. Human nature give up with them Take care let them sort themselves out. Hugs Peta
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My daughter is 31. She is in a new relationship (Mother not happy but she is an adult!) and has just bought a house with partner so is very involved with her life now and we take second fiddle! I do miss my grandson though.
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Yes it can be an exhausting time so I am concentrating on me for now and will not let those 'odd' people worry me. Their loss. Actually at present I am concentrating on chocolate haha. Just have a craving for some so may dash down to the shop and get some. No reason why I cannot treat myself XX
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Yes agree that some people see cancer as 'contagious'. Shame about your brother and sister-in-law. But it is their loss and glad you have put them in the too hard basket! I have a few other family members that are in that basket at present re other stuff so let I them be and hopefully one day they will see the light and be somewhat human to my husband and me. It is hard having BC with all the appointments etc. Even though I do not like having radiotherapy I do enjoy seeing the technicians each day and love the coffee shop at the hospital. XX
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I had some of my closest friends literally abandon me didnt hear from them for months. I am estranged from my family and they only recently found out about my diagnosis havent heard boo from any of them. So you are not alone try not to dwell on it too much focus your energies on getting better.
You will always have a friend here ????
Maryrose
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Thank you Maryrose. That is sad for you. Yes it is great to be able to chat on here and vent if we need to. We certainly all have a lot in common! Certainly made me feel good today after I got my vent off my chest.
Ady :-)
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Hi Ady,
As you can see, many have experienced similar feelings to what you are going through. My 20 year old son refused to discuss it and spent as much time away from me as possible. I realise now that it was how he was coping with it. He was terrified that he was going to lose his mum and he dealt with that by trying to make his life seem as normal as possible and the only way he could do that was being away from me. I had very close friends who just dropped me like a hot scone too! I think part of it is that I have always been one to cope and get on with things. I worked part time through out treatment, (I really wonder how I managed now) and I think people thought that I genuinely was doing ok. I don't like showing my vulnerabilities and very few people saw me at my worst moments. But hello!!! . I had cancer! I was having chemo, radiotherapy and herceptin infusions. How could people possibly think I was ok? I also think for some people it's just to hard to be there to watch. They can't cope with the feeling of helplessness. And yes, some people are just arses! The fact is, it needs to be all about you at the moment and no matter how painful it is or how much it hurts you, you need to surround yourself with the helpful, positive people that you need who are going to help you get through. I was speaking to a counsellor about this very thing the other day. As a community, we have become very selfish. Everyone is all about themselves and it's not that others don't think about us but they are just caught up in the business of their own lives. Sad isn't it? it's just yet another part of this bloody process for some of us. Hang in there. Karen xox
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Chocolate is always a great pick-me-up!!! Enjoy ?
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Hi Ady
I can understand how you must be feeling. I have experienced similar things from a couple of my family members. I was hurt so much about why they would behave as if life was just fine whereas in reality my life was thrown completely out of whack. I realised later that it's much better to cut out these sort of people from being around you in such tough times. At the end of the day the pain you will get is in your own body and it cannot be shared with anyone. But mentally you can only be strong if you are surrounded by strong and positive people. Weakness or negativity will only make your pain worse. We shouldn't be spending energy on thinking about or fixing relationships right now instead we should be focusing on ourselves and fixing ourselves. Once i m fixed i will have full mental physical and emotional capacity to kick their butts and ask bluntly what the hell they were thinking and how dare they behaved this way with me.
Xoxo P
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