Two more sleeps

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ScorpionQueen
ScorpionQueen Member Posts: 768
edited October 2016 in Newly diagnosed

Two more sleeps until my surgery, Well I haven't really slept, just hourly doses between dreaming and waking up wondering around the house at all hours. I've tried my hardest to push it to the back of my mind, but when you sleep the sub conscious comes alive....Weird ass dreams, that I tend to take real notice of, as I am sensitive.....YES I actually dreamed that I gathered my family over to my house for a BBQ and I stood up at dessert and told them I had breast cancer...that was a month BEFORE I was diagnosed. I also practice Angel readings and meditate.

I have been physically ill since diagnosis, can't eat much and when I do I feel nauseated. I guess I will feel this way until I have full prognosis on 22/1/15. I still don't even have full biopsy results yet (hormone receptors etc).

The thoughts race through my mind at a hundred miles per hour. A constant swirl of what ifs, maybes and hopefulys.....it;s actually been hard to meditate because of them.

So hurry up Wednesday so I can concentrate on the next chapter of this story!

P.S- Thanks to all who have written support to me and shared part of their story! Sending love and light for speedy healing and wellbeing <3

Xx - Tracy

 

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  • adean
    adean Member Posts: 1,036
    edited January 2016
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    Hope everything goes well for you, I had a mantra before surgery which I had found in a meditation book I kept saying this while laying on the trolley and I'm sure they thought id gone mad I lost 5 kg before going in unentetionaly,so it shows you the internal stress. When you have your post results at least you will know what your plan will be. All the best adean. Xx

     

     

  • June1952
    June1952 Member Posts: 1,877
    edited January 2016
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    Hello Tracy

    Isn't the mind a powerful thing ?  The things it dreams up for us in the night can be overwhelming at times.

    Before my surgery I made my Affirmation:  "I am strong.  I am positive.  I am proud".  I printed it out on pretty paper and stuck it up on the wall opposite my hospital bed.  It helped me get through.  You are welcome to use that, too.

    Try to take each day as it comes but always ask questions, don't let anyone get out of your room leaving you with questions on which to dwell.

    Good luck for your surgery.  You will be in my thoughts.

    Hugs  Summer  :-)

  • rowdy
    rowdy Member Posts: 1,165
    edited January 2016
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    Hi Tracy the waiting is so painful, because I think as women we are mostly in control of everything and when we don't know what tomorrow is going to bring it stresses us out. Tomorrow try and do something nice for yourself even if it is going out for a cuppa with hubby or friend. Before you know it Wednesday will be here and you will get a better idea of your course of treatment. One day at a time it is really hard to switch off and not think about it. Take care xx

  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    edited January 2016
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    I too am waiting but I have 14 days to go. Ive been crying yesterday and this morning. Ive been out and spoken to the cancer care nurse today and the wig lady. I feel more positive as it gave me a task. Tomorrow I am going to the pool with my sister. I am pkanning small goals. Take care,  your wait will be over soon. I have found mindfulness meditation very difficult too. Distraction seemed to work better for me. Kath x

  • ScorpionQueen
    ScorpionQueen Member Posts: 768
    edited January 2016
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    Thankyou all....I got full core biopsy results today....

    Invasive Ductal Carcinoma...It's hormone receptive, so hormone therapy will be part of the plan after surgery and other treatments.

    I just want to get on with it! But thanks so much for all of your wishes, it means alot.

    Sending love and light to all of you for speedy recoveries and beautiful days Xx

     

     

  • Ruth Bird
    Ruth Bird Member Posts: 79
    edited January 2016
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    Hi Tracy

    just wanting to wish you all the very best for tomorrow. It will no doubt be a relief to get those results so can plan the next bit.

    this is a very 'one step at a time' drawn out process, which is so different to normal life where we have lots of stuff on the go and are in control (for the most part). Have found it kind of therapeutic to go through as I now look at the daily rush and juggle and think it's all a bit of nonsense. Am writing this while staring at a river from my hospital room after bilateral mastectomy, and am enjoying the peace of watching river activity, and not much else to do. Maybe it's just a message to slow down. Dunno, could be the drugs talking.

    all the best! x

  • ScorpionQueen
    ScorpionQueen Member Posts: 768
    edited January 2016
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    Thank you so much Ruth!

    Yes i think I will have to learn to be more patient as the events to come unfold. Life takes over and I;m sure we miss so much while rushing around! As an artist though, I really do LOOK at life's offerings and probably see more than most, I hope to use this while recovering.

    Thank you for the description of your view! I can hear the water trickling. Water is a great peace maker, I often go to the ocean to sit and ponder. It cleanses the soul and clears the mind.

    I wish you all the best in your recovery Ruth. One day at a time lovey. You are strong, vital and beautiful! You are not alone, sending you love and light for recovery and beautiful days Xx <3

    - Tracy 

  • ScorpionQueen
    ScorpionQueen Member Posts: 768
    edited January 2016
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    Hi Kath, 

    So glad you feel more positive now! It's easier said than done though isn't it?. I don;t know how I'm feeling today about my surgery tomorrow, so I'll just take it in my stride and hit it head on! 

    Enjoy your swim, water is cleansing.....while floating around, close your eyes and breathe! Let the water take your mind away......

    Sending you love and light <3

    - Tracy

     

  • ScorpionQueen
    ScorpionQueen Member Posts: 768
    edited January 2016
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    Thanks Rowdy,

    You are 100% correct! i like to be organised, don;t like surprises much because of the non planning on my side! LOL!

    Don;t know how I will spend today, I think I'm kind of numb, no real feelings about tomorrow, but I'm sure that will change tomorrow. Have to be at the hospital early for a procedure before surgery and xrays. They have  insert a hook wire? Not sure I'm looking forward to that! 

    Anyways at least i'll have a good sleep, hahaha!  something which had evaded me since diagnosis...

    Bring it, I'm ready!

    love and light <3

    - Tracy

  • ScorpionQueen
    ScorpionQueen Member Posts: 768
    edited January 2016
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    Hi summer,

    I pay a great deal of attention to my intuition and dreams. I have had way to many things appear/happen that have been 100% to ignore it anymore... I do Angel and dream readings daily and try to meditate daily, however that has been more difficult to do at the moment.

    I haven't found a mantra yet, so I may just borrow yours!

    I have asked the same questions over and over! and will continue to do so until I'm satisfied with the answer.

    love and light <3

    - Tracy

  • ScorpionQueen
    ScorpionQueen Member Posts: 768
    edited January 2016
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    Thank you Adean,

    Weird thing is I eat when i'm stressed! But at the moment, when I do, I feel sick. I think i have lost some weight but can't be sure as I don;t own any scales. But a pair of jeans i didn't fit last year, now fit perfectly.

    My Angels warned me about this and i'll be asking them to help get me through it now. 

    Sending you love an light for recovery and beautiful days <3

    - Tracy

  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    edited January 2016
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    Thinking of you today with your surgery. Take care♥ Kath