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When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I rung my mother ( who lives in another state to me) to let her know. Her reply was "you are a glutton for punishment". This took me aback but I didn't say anything. Do I have a right to be upset about this comment or would it be best just to ignore. I have ignored the comment but I can't help thinking why would a mother say this to her daughter in this situation? Any comments.....
Comments
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Family responses can be very odd. To say you are a glutton for punishment just sounds wrong. Nobody voluntarily takes on breast cancer. I suspect she didn't have any idea at all what to say and was awkwardly filling the gap. She is probably wondering why she said it too. I would take it as a 'blip' and see how she reacts next. Life has taught me that family is precious. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I think it stuns every mother when her daughter phones to say she has breast cancer.
I hope I never hear those words from one of my two daughters although I may have to. My husbands family carry the BRC1 gene and all the women get it, and now I have this. Their chances of bc are high. If I get the phone call, I will know not to say what you heard anyway.
Best wishes and I hope your mum supports you in your journey.
Take care.
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Family responses can be very odd. To say you are a glutton for punishment just sounds wrong. Nobody voluntarily takes on breast cancer. I suspect she didn't have any idea at all what to say and was awkwardly filling the gap. She is probably wondering why she said it too. I would take it as a 'blip' and see how she reacts next. Life has taught me that family is precious. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I think it stuns every mother when her daughter phones to say she has breast cancer.
I hope I never hear those words from one of my two daughters although I may have to. My husbands family carry the BRC1 gene and all the women get it, and now I have this. Their chances of bc are high. If I get the phone call, I will know not to say what you heard anyway.
Best wishes and I hope your mum supports you in your journey.
Take care.
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My breast cancer journey has shown me how selfish people can be, also narrow minded. My best friend told me when I was first dx that I was not really sick, I suppose she was looking at me fit and healthy, but really??
When my husband told my mum I had breast cancer, she said she didn't understand? Mmmm I have cancer and it is in my breast! All she was concerned about was had I told my sister who I hadn't spoken to for 3-4 years. My sister was the last person I was thinking about, my main concern was my 3 teenage children, I certainly didn't want the extra stress which my sister shares with abundance.
Unfortunately some do not know what to say, and others simply don't think, and then we have the others who want their lives to be bigger through what ever means.
Sounds like your mum is not someone you really need, put her voice aside and look after yourself.
Take care
Viv xxxx
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My breast cancer journey has shown me how selfish people can be, also narrow minded. My best friend told me when I was first dx that I was not really sick, I suppose she was looking at me fit and healthy, but really??
When my husband told my mum I had breast cancer, she said she didn't understand? Mmmm I have cancer and it is in my breast! All she was concerned about was had I told my sister who I hadn't spoken to for 3-4 years. My sister was the last person I was thinking about, my main concern was my 3 teenage children, I certainly didn't want the extra stress which my sister shares with abundance.
Unfortunately some do not know what to say, and others simply don't think, and then we have the others who want their lives to be bigger through what ever means.
Sounds like your mum is not someone you really need, put her voice aside and look after yourself.
Take care
Viv xxxx
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Hi ladies people just dont know what to say, I have decided I dont really care if they cant cope because I'm having a hard time coping and I have to put myself first. It is a looong road through this and I myself dont know when I will feel that I have got too the end. I try and take each day 1 at a time and, sometimes this works and sometimes it dosent. Take care and think about it as it is their problem not yours.
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Hi ladies people just dont know what to say, I have decided I dont really care if they cant cope because I'm having a hard time coping and I have to put myself first. It is a looong road through this and I myself dont know when I will feel that I have got too the end. I try and take each day 1 at a time and, sometimes this works and sometimes it dosent. Take care and think about it as it is their problem not yours.
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Thank you ladies so much for your responses.
People do seem not to know how to react to bad news (well to us it is bad news) and I just think it's shows what type of person they are. I have heard bad news(not just about cancer) my first instinct is give them a cuddle or if over the phone a sincere apology for their pain.
I have always felt and thought different to my mother and other family members and I'm afraid my going through what I did confirmed this.
It's sad really. I even had who I thought was a very dear friend kept away from me during my treatment now this has finished she is back in my life. Unfortunately I don't go out of my way, like I did before, for her even though I care about her and my family it's made me realise who I can count on.
Strangers were more of a comfort to me and this helped me.
I am also lucky to have the most supportful and loving husband there is. I'm not the type of person who can turn my back on people who I care about but sometimes I seemed to get depressed on why people who I thought cared about me act the way they do. Oh well life goes on and I am blessed in so many other ways.
Merry Christmas and happy New Year to everyone. XXXX0 -
Hi. Christine,
I've had a few strange comments. One friend said " I'm glad it's you because of all our friends you are the strongest and can cope with it." This even though I'm a single mum with three boys under 9 and going through a divorce.
My sister was a blubbering mess. I was the one comforting and reassuring her!
I think people say silly things due to their own shock. They should not speak until they've had time to process the news.
I would give your mum the benefit of the doubt at this stage, as the other ladies have mentioned. It's certainly not easy when support is so needed.
Stay strong.
Have a lovely Christmas,
Love,
Mandy0
