reflection & where to now?

I'm a Pink Sister too (recently joined) and I heard of Tondra's passing...it was very sad and my heart goes out to all those who knew her.

Our stories have many similarities - like you I lost a friend who had been diagnosed with endometrical cancer 2 wks after me.  She died in April while I was still having treatment.  I was too ill to go to her funeral which I found very hard to accept.

My hair is growing back black too!  Weird isn't it!  I was a red-head - god knows where that's gone, but I kinda like the black for a change.  I've been told it sort of looks like Twiggy's old style (if you know her - a 60's model).

Like you I had to have a port because of numerous reasons.  it was taken out shortly after I finished treatment.  And again I had exactly the same thing happen to me about the bowel thing - I had to have a colonscopy and specimens of my bowel taken, as well as a gastophy (down the throat).  I also had a scare with the same type of pain and in the same location on the opposite side to  my mastectomy....this resulted again in numerous tests and lots of worry.

Luckily all proved negative.  So I can really relate to your fear of reoccurance.

I was going to man the North Blackburn shopping centre for the Cancer Council but stupidly they hadn't sought the permission of the Centre Manager and so it was cancelled.  They did offer another location but I preferred to stay near to home as I have an ill father (also heart problems).

I am doing some other charity work however for the Cancer Ward at Box Hill Hospital as a thankyou for all their care and patience (I was their No 1 patient and a regular over a period of 9 months!) by holding a large fundraiser in November for them.  So far it's coming together nicely.

Finally I am friendly with Merylee too - I met her on the CL training and she introduced me to the blogs.  I am sad for her that she has to take this path, but i strongly believe she is doing the right thing.  She needs to do this not only for medical reasons but also to free herself from this terrible fear of reoccurance. 

Don't feel guilty that you haven't supported her as much as you think you should have.  She knows you're there for you and she understands what you're going through.  We all do.

It's ok to be angry or upset or even guilty if that's how you feel.  Just go with the flow and accept the feeling at the time, then try to move on.

Yes it's terrible what happened to Tondra, yes it's terrible what happened to my friend (and I have truly struggled not to feel guilty for surviving) and yes it's alwful what Merylee is going through.  There's no denying any of that.

But Jo, remember also you're a symbol of hope for others.  You're doing some charity work, addressing a morning tea and changing your life to become more like you (by dying your hair).  How fantastic you're get a tatt - I wish I could ...but alas i cannot.  We'd luv to see a picture of it on this site.

And well done to starting up the Encore program - that is something to look forward to as well.

Life has a strange way of playing out for each and every one of us and while some of us have long complicated journey's with much pain (both emotionally and physically) along the way, I always have felt that this happened for a reason, that I'm meant to learn something from all of this and I hope that in time, you may feel the same.

Take care and good luck with your presentation

Luv H (aka Helen Anne)