Helping make decisions
Hi, my Mum is 78 and was diagnosed with hormone positive breast cancer in 2023, she has had her surgery and radiotherpay and is now on her hormone blockers. She now needs to make a decision about taking zometa, weighing up side effects with quality of life in your later years. She wants me to help her make a decision she is really struggling with, anyone have any tips on making decisions when your elderly and for loved ones they rely on to assist them.
First time lump: from a concerned husband's POV
Hi all I'm not really sure if this is the place to be asking this, but I've tried looking and reading online to get info, but it all seems fairly general, a little all over the place, and mostly american-based, which I don't find all that helpful, given the difference in standards / practises between our two countries. Anyway, a quick snapshot of the situation before I ask my question/s. My wife is 30 years old, and from a very conservative culture. Basically, unlike many girls her age, you'll never see her wearing clothing that shows more skin than it covers! We're relatively recently married (2 years), both each other's first loves, etc, so neither of us have had any reason (need or want!) to expose certain parts of either of our bodies to anyone other than each other. *Note: this point will be relevent shortly.* Pretty much until now. About a week-and-a-half ago, I discovered a small, hard lump in my wife's breast. (Y'know, because I'm a good husband and all that! :P). With Christmas happening last week, we only got around to seeing a doctor the other day who has given her a referral to get an ultrasound next week. That's great, but we don't really know what to expect from the whole thing. Again, online articles provide conflicting and varied answers, so I'm hoping I might find some answers in here. I should state that I'm not jumping any guns and thinking / presuming what she has is cancer. Far from it, actually. I'm 99% sure it's nothing of any concern, but right now we just don't know. What actually will happen at this appointment? When they see the lump, will they know what it is, or will there be other x-rays, ect, to determine that? I really want to be in there for everything with her, as if the roles were reversed, I'd really want my wife there with me. No-one other than her has seen my 'bits', so I'm putting myself in her shoes at the moment and I know my being there to hold her hand in support would make her feel a lot more at ease. I know that she's really nervous about the idea of someone else seeing and, even moreso, FEELING her breasts, so I've taken the day off work to be there for her. I spoke to the imaging place the other day and they said I MIGHT be allowed in to the ultrasound room with her, but there were no guarantees. I would like to think all places would allow someone to join the patient, as I'm sure it's not just a scary thing to just my wife and I! Anyway, any personal accounts or recounting of similar situations would very much appreciated. Thankyou in advance!
Husband not coping
Does anyone have any advice dealing with a husband who is not dealing with a diagnosis? He’s leaning on me for emotional support and has spent most of the holidays drunk (he was a heavy drinker before) but he just sees the diagnosis as using drinking as a way to cope. I’m trying to stay strong and recover from chemo while caring for our daughter. I’ve been dealing with things pretty well but his outlook is just causing tension and frustration. I understand he’s doing it tough but I need support now. I nursed him through a cancer diagnosis 5 years ago but he says he can’t handle it because it’s me. Sorry for the rant. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Screaming inside
I need to vent. I want to scream, slam doors, hit something Two days ago my daughter visited & told me she has been diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. She was strong, composed, not emotional as she talked about it being treatable, not curable, talked about updating her will. I think I am still in shock. We have since spoken on the phone, particularly about how & when she will tell her two children. We are taking her tomorrow to her first chemo appointment & I need to remain calm, as that is what is necessary. When I told her in 2011 of my diagnosis of early breast cancer, we were calm & positive together, though she did blink away tears. I always felt throughout my journey that things are more difficult for the carer than the patient - now I am experiencing that role & I can't stop the tears. My dear husband is quiet as he always is, but I know he is shattered. Now that he has gone to bed I can let tears flow & write this. We are angry - why didn't she have regular mammograms after my diagnosis? Why did no-one pick it up earlier? I feel guilty - is it genetic - my mother, myself - even though both diagnosed later in life? Guilty too because I just want to hold her while we both sob – but that won’t help her. Fortunately she has a best friend, one who supported her through her marriage breakup; there are also other friends, but my help will be needed too & I must be strong when I feel like collapsing in a heap. Any advice, suggestions on how best to support her & the kids would be welcome.
Seeking support and friendship
Hello lovely people, My mum was diagnosed with early breast cancer last Thursday. I felt a rush of mixed emotions and thoughts. I felt scared, upset, sad, and isolated. My dad passed away just over a year ago and that left mum, my sister and me. My sister is not very helpful. She has her own health issues. So it's up to me, mainly, to support my mum through this. My mum is a fighter, she's the strongest person I know, she's been through so much. I'm so proud of her and how far she's come in life. I'm just so confused, and don't really know how I should feel. The doctors are being really positive and said that the cancer is quite early and a small lesion. The surgeon is planning on operating. And then maybe radiotherapy. But we will know a lot more after they excise the lesion. The reason for being confused is: I don't know whether we should go private or public. Finances are not an issue. I also feel guilty. I feel guilty about writing on here and reaching out, when there are so many stories of people who are going through a lot worse. I feel like a fraud. But cancer is cancer. My mum has always prayed that she shouldn't get it. So now that she has, I don't really know how scared she is, and how she is going to get through this. There is always going to be that fear that it would come back after treatment. I guess I am just reaching out, to anyone who is going through a similar situation. Thanks for reading.
BCNA requesting your help with our 2019 Christmas Appeal
Hello everyone, We are looking for your help with our 2019 Christmas appeal. For those newly diagnosed with breast cancer the holiday season can be full of uncertainty and isolation. That's why BCNA is there, to support all Australians affected by breast cancer, no matter the time of year. We are looking for two stories this year: one from a person diagnosed at Christmas who had a strong family network to lean on and another without. If you think your story might suit, and you can share it as Jennie did, please contact our media team by emailing media@bcna.org.au and they will be in touch with you. Thank you in anticipation
Chemo Impact & required support
Hi Ladies, My Mum will soon be undergoing 4months of Medium Chemo, followed by 5 weeks of Radiation, then 5-10yrs of oral medication. Firstly I'm worried how unwell she will become with the Chemo & how much support she will likely need. Then how tired she will be with the Radiation? She has a partner, who's health isn't always 100% & I live a few hours away with a young family. As you can understand, I am quite concerned. I have suggested putting services in place, but she hasn't been receptive to it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Two days ago my life changed forever
Hi everyone, just hoping to reach out and seek some advice at a time that my life feels completely out of control on two levels. Two days ago, my (very recent) fiance and I arrived home from our long awaited overseas holiday. We'd been scrimping and saving for this trip, and had the most fantastic time. Although exhausted and jet laggy, we were so excited to see everyone and celebrate our engagement. My younger sister had asked to come see me when I got home, and although not feeling too crash hot I was excited to see her. She walked in the door and I could see something was very very wrong. My 31 year old sister then proceeded to tell me she has been diagnosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. She and the immediate family had known for about a week but she didn't want to ruin the last few days of my holiday so waited to tell me until I was home. We have a strong family history so breast cancer is not new to us, but the last thing I ever expected was for my baby sister to have a diagnosis so early on. The last few days have been a really strange surreal experience. I was so glad to be able to go to her appointment with her where they talked about a plan of action, and there is some strength in having a plan for moving forward. My number one priority is for my sister to get healthy and well again, although she has a challenging 6 months ahead of her. I am going to do my best to support her through her journey but where I am feeling extra terrified is with my sisters diagnosis, alongside my mum who had breast cancer 5 years back (5 years clear woo hoo!!!! :)) all the doctors are now a lot more concerned about me and are suggesting if my sister's gene testing comes back positive, I should also get gene tested and if that comes back positive then I'll have some decisions to make. So I'm all messed up about my baby sister facing this battle, but then alongside that also worried about what will happen to my side of the things, and feel completely helpless as these things take time, so I just have to sit and wait... and wait... and wait..... I just really appreciate finding this forum and appreciate any advice anyone can give. I also hope as this journey goes on, I'll be able to help others and contribute. Much love to all xx
Alcohol
Hi everyone. I'm just after some advice. My wife was diagnosed with stage 3 BC early last year. She had surgery, chemo and radiotherapy. It was a tumultuous year for the whole family. She is now on the aromatase inhibitor drugs, which have their own unique side affects. Since then, life has returned to normal and she is back at work. However, the uptake of alcohol has gone through the roof. White wine and champagne seem to be the favourites. I have been told that two standard drinks per week is the limit, to avoid increasing the chance of a recurrence. I would estimate that 10 times that amount gets consumed in a week, possibly more. I realise this is a form of 'self medication', but the possible harm being done is causing the rest of the family great concern. I've tried discussing the issue, but the conversation gets shut down fairly quickly. Where to from here? Does anyone know of a good councillor in the Perth area, who specialises in this area? Something needs to change, otherwise I feel all the hard work last year, will be for nothing. Thanks in advance.