Supporting a loved one with post-cancer depression
Hi there, I'm looking for some guidance as to supporting a loved one who has developed symptoms of depression after surviving breast cancer. She has actually experienced breast cancer twice, as well as losing a close friend to metastatic breast cancer, all before the age of 50. Since completing chemotherapy the last time, she has really struggled. She's lost all self-confidence, lives in fear of it returning, and feels isolated and angry. When she's feeling really low, she asks "why me?" and feels as though she's being punished for something. I just wish she could be happy, but don't know what to do. I can't say anything that helps because I haven't lived in her shoes. Anytime we mention support groups, therapy or medication to help with her struggles, she becomes very defensive and feels even more isolated. I just don't know what to do. Perhaps if there was anyone who has shared a similar experience would have some insight? If so, I'd really appreciate it.
Husband not coping
Does anyone have any advice dealing with a husband who is not dealing with a diagnosis? He’s leaning on me for emotional support and has spent most of the holidays drunk (he was a heavy drinker before) but he just sees the diagnosis as using drinking as a way to cope. I’m trying to stay strong and recover from chemo while caring for our daughter. I’ve been dealing with things pretty well but his outlook is just causing tension and frustration. I understand he’s doing it tough but I need support now. I nursed him through a cancer diagnosis 5 years ago but he says he can’t handle it because it’s me. Sorry for the rant. Does anyone have any suggestions?
BCNA requesting your help with our 2019 Christmas Appeal
Hello everyone, We are looking for your help with our 2019 Christmas appeal. For those newly diagnosed with breast cancer the holiday season can be full of uncertainty and isolation. That's why BCNA is there, to support all Australians affected by breast cancer, no matter the time of year. We are looking for two stories this year: one from a person diagnosed at Christmas who had a strong family network to lean on and another without. If you think your story might suit, and you can share it as Jennie did, please contact our media team by emailing media@bcna.org.au and they will be in touch with you. Thank you in anticipation
What do I do?
My baby sister turns 42 next week. She is facing the end of her life with breast cancer now in her bones, liver, lungs and brain. Every moment I have left is a moment I treasure. I want to scream, I often cry and when I am with her I always try to smile. She is the bravest woman I know. I would be so grateful for any ideas about how I can be just as brave and graceful for her.
Tough Old Chicky Award
I'd like to nominate my friend Ms M for the inaugural Tough Old Chicky award. Ms M, at 88 and following a formal BC diagnosis a week ago, had a mastectomy this morning and tells me she feels fine. Except the tea is shite. We are never sure what goes on beneath the surface but this lady, who has seen more than her fair share of adversity, is an inspiration. Dry and erudite, she has taught me heaps about accepting what you can't change. With grace. Lessons about how to do the best you can with what you have and concentrate on what you do well. I'll take her decent tea tomorrow.
Thank you, my friend
Thank you to my special friend. We met several weeks ago at a clinic where I was waiting to get pre-surgery blood tests and she was waiting for a physiotherapy appointment. We smiled then got chatting, as people do. Having heard my BC story and that I was alone she was at the hospital with a beautiful bunch of flowers and a special bottle of wine when I came out of theatre. It was such an amazing feeling to not be alone after all. We have caught up since and she kindly lets me use her computer instead of travelling to the library. In the meantime she makes me a cuppa then we sit and chat. She has three of the cutest animals who each give me their own brand of comfort. This week I confided my deepest darkest secrets to my new friend and she told me she also had breast cancer 3 years ago. No wonder she knew what I needed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.<3
Laughter with cancer
If you have facebook go read this inspiring story https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1452922188169499&id=696627770465615 Day 1010: CAN YOU ACCEPT YOUR CANCER DIAGNOSIS? Today, I went to a GP in my new area. I told her that I've had Ewing Sarcoma and Melanoma. Then, she told me that two weeks ago she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She said, "I'm scared" I would have thought it would have been easier for someone with medical background to deal with cancer diagnosis but she said it is harder because she knows what the drugs do and its side effect. She was worried if she would not be able to do surgery anymore if she gets pins and needles in her hand. As if I was meant to go there and lift her spirit. It breaks my heart when we started talking about her son and then she cried. It is not easy when children is involved. She apologized for crying and I replied, "Don't be sorry. I have cried many times." The first two weeks after diagnosis it was surreal, you couldn't understand that it is really happening. You have been diagnosed and your chemo has been planned. Whether you choose to accept your cancer or to be resentful about it, it is not going to change the fact that you have been diagnosed with cancer. I know being resentful will make the situation worse because I'm putting negative energy that will multiplies my negative thoughts. So, I choose to accept it with gratitude. I said to myself I have to go through this to help my cancer friends. From fear it transform to fulfilment. Rather than fueling my action with fear, I fill them with gratitude. It changes how I experience my cancer treatment. I still lose my hair, battle the disco of the bowel between diarrhoea and constipation, get grueling days of pain, but the difference is I still can smile through my bad days. Gratitude opens the door to inner peace. I am enough. Everything is enough... even with cancer in my life. Whenever someone cried in front of me, I honour them for sharing their truth with me. To be vulnerable is to have the courage to acknowledge your fear. You cannot let go before you know what it is you are holding on. Don't be afraid. Have faith that you will find the strength you never knew you had. Love and hugs, Nat xx 10.02.18
Two days ago my life changed forever
Hi everyone, just hoping to reach out and seek some advice at a time that my life feels completely out of control on two levels. Two days ago, my (very recent) fiance and I arrived home from our long awaited overseas holiday. We'd been scrimping and saving for this trip, and had the most fantastic time. Although exhausted and jet laggy, we were so excited to see everyone and celebrate our engagement. My younger sister had asked to come see me when I got home, and although not feeling too crash hot I was excited to see her. She walked in the door and I could see something was very very wrong. My 31 year old sister then proceeded to tell me she has been diagnosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. She and the immediate family had known for about a week but she didn't want to ruin the last few days of my holiday so waited to tell me until I was home. We have a strong family history so breast cancer is not new to us, but the last thing I ever expected was for my baby sister to have a diagnosis so early on. The last few days have been a really strange surreal experience. I was so glad to be able to go to her appointment with her where they talked about a plan of action, and there is some strength in having a plan for moving forward. My number one priority is for my sister to get healthy and well again, although she has a challenging 6 months ahead of her. I am going to do my best to support her through her journey but where I am feeling extra terrified is with my sisters diagnosis, alongside my mum who had breast cancer 5 years back (5 years clear woo hoo!!!! :)) all the doctors are now a lot more concerned about me and are suggesting if my sister's gene testing comes back positive, I should also get gene tested and if that comes back positive then I'll have some decisions to make. So I'm all messed up about my baby sister facing this battle, but then alongside that also worried about what will happen to my side of the things, and feel completely helpless as these things take time, so I just have to sit and wait... and wait... and wait..... I just really appreciate finding this forum and appreciate any advice anyone can give. I also hope as this journey goes on, I'll be able to help others and contribute. Much love to all xx
