This discussion was created from comments split from: Community Guidelines September 2019.

Hi @Bridget1 It's true that there is not a huge support network for partners. I have found a number of people through work, but to be honest most of the meaningful support I have found on here. Some of the (mostly) women here have been incredibly supportive and patient. Its a funny place to be, as a healthy partner of a Cancer patient. And when I say funny I mean shit. There are some dark places your mind goes and personally I found guilt to be a big one, but fear has been the worst. Please don't let yourself be alone, though. There are some resources you should definitely use.I'll PM you.

@Bridget1 - I am so sorry that your partner has been diagnosed with BC. It really is a bitch of a disease & having a caring partner for support and comfort is SO important. I am not a same sex partner - but know exactly how it feels when your partner is diagnosed with cancer as it happened to my husband in 2010. I thought that I 'knew' most of what went on - until I was diagnosed myself with BC in Jan last year. It is difficult to describe the depths of despair that you feel when hit with the diagnosis - the fears, the anger .... The fact that you are on here, trying to find info that may help you and your partner thru this, is terrific.Take care & all the best for your partner xx

@Bridget1 For many of us it is exactly as you describe. You're trucking along quite nicely, then WHAM! a cancer diagnosis...then all of a sudden you're sick...from the treatment... It's one of the hardest things to process about this disease. And it doesn't go back to what it was before. Chemo is a tough gig. My kids (3 x teen/preteen) were magnificent during my treatment but I can look back on it now and realise how much I wasn't there enough for them when they needed me. But we all know I was doing the best I could. As were they. And 12 months on, we're all still trying to work out what happens now. All I can advise is to be there, understand it's a crap thing, and do what you can, when you can.I do wonder @Giovanna_BCNA, if it would be worthwhile having a private carers' group (or is that outside of the parameters?). I don't know how many carers look at this site but I can imagine that there's probably some stuff they'd like to hash out that may be not so nice for us all to see but may be beneficial to their bc people.

I am not same sex partner but I have been on both ends of caring for my palliative dad at home (he passed away at home two weeks ago) and being cared for by my husband. Fortunately I am clear of treatment now. Caring for dad who had a gold card veterans we used Ozcare and the Blue nurses through Palliative care Qld who got them for us.If you are wondering does the sex come back into a relationship, not for me as yet as both hubby and I have drifted apart in intimacy with both of us having depression, but we still flirt and will love each other forever. I imagine we will get around to the whole thing eventually.

Thankyou all for your welcome. Tonight, Friday night I am alone with our dog as my partner is asleep after Chemo today. It was the 3rd Praxitaxil after the 4 AC. She is getting weaker, white cell count dropping, hemoglobin dropping and now a temperature we are monitoring.Not having been down this path before it is hard to know what is 'normal' chemo side effects and what is worrying. To watch someone you love who was healthy and well but found a lump, to be made to feel and look like someone who is dying is so hard and upsetting. We are told to trust the process, trust the treatment... it is so counter intuitive though don't you think, putting toxic chemicals into the body and take it to the brink ....but what else is there? Sometimes I wonder if this is the right path to choose, is there an alternative but I don't think there is I think I need to trust western medicine on this one. Its the best we've got for treating cancer thus far.I am upbeat most of the time and manage holding our lives together and do everything but sometimes I find it so all consuming I just want to cry and scream and say 'I want my old life back'. I guess I'm not alone in all of this.Thanks for listening people

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