Reconstruction not what I was told to expect.
I’m near the end after a double mastectomy 2 and a half years ago with failed reconstruction. 10 operations later and I have died flap reconstruction 4 or 5 rounds of fat grafting (I’ve lost count), two lots of silicon implants and I don’t look normal at all. My upper chest is lumpy and concave and looks a bit like I’ve had a very bad, uneven boob job. I’m really struggling. I’m very badly scared from all the skin and tissue necrosis and lost so much skin on the side that had no DCIS ( got both done as knew I wouldn’t cope if I didn’t look ok), that they had to leave the skin paddle (skin from my stomach) so even more scares. on top of that the mesh has failed twice so my stomach is very bloated and often painful. My legs are covered in cellulite and uneven with hollowed out bits. I don’t recognise my body and I feel hideous. My surgeon keeps saying how good I look considering where I’ve come from. I know I should be grateful to be alive. I know I should be grateful it could have been a lot worse. I feel very alone. I’ve not found anyone who’s gone through something like this. Are my expectations unrealistic? My appearance was my armour and now it’s gone. This started when I was 45, just before my daughter’s 7th birthday. She keeps asking if she will have to have this done. Reality is it’s more aggressive and earlier every generation in my family and seems to affect almost all the women. I can’t even show her it will be ok because I’m not physically or mentally ok. Sorry for the long ramble, just need support.
Dealing with unhelpful comments
Hello everyone I’m just reaching out to see if anyone has some wise words on how to deal with the less supportive people in your life. After a great day yesterday with amazing friends my in-laws decided to pay a visit. They come with their own issues and challenges which the family have grown to deal with in their own way (positive and negative). But today my father in law abruptly asked in front of the group (namely my husband and 7 year old daughter) “so what’s your prognosis?”. I’m not sure what I was expected to say. I’ve been diagnosed with metastatic IBC but have been responding really well to my therapy so far and we’re seeing results which we were happily chatting about. My daughter was upset by this discussion. Quite upset I just went up to bed claiming fatigue but cried for the rest of the visit. My husband who has been on the brunt of this for most of his life was very supportive thank god. I know everyone deals with things differently and we don’t always say the wrong things but this completely flawed me and put me back a few steps emotionally. Thanks for listening xo
Sharing is caring. Thanks ladies
Hi ladies. Thank you for sharing your experiences, ups and downs. I get online and just read a few posts every now and then and it really is encouraging and gives me a good laugh at times. My surgery is in 11 days now...thank goodness, the waiting is the hardest. I'm having a bilateral mastectomy and I'm actually fine with it, especially after joining this group and reading your experiences. You are all wonderful.
3am
Is there something special about 3am. I had my first chemo on Monday and just starting to realise why I am on sick leave. Nothing serious just not me but I notice that 3am is becoming my friend, I sleep well, wake have a cuppa and something to eat and then read a bit and then back to bed for another couple of hours. A bit of constipation but am dealing with that.
Painful mammogram and now recall for suspicious lump
Hi there, I'm not sure where to put this as I haven't as yet been diagnosed, but I'm terribly anxious and feeling very alone. I had a mammogram a week ago and still feeling very painful from it. Tingling in breasts and feeling hot in the chest. After I had it I did a bit more reading up and feel like I should have just done an ultrasound as it was a routine check and I'm 42. I called BreastScreen QLD to report it and kind of complain, but then they said oh, you are on our list to call back to check a lump. I had noted it before my scan. I had my first mammogram about 3 years ago with no effects, no pain and nothing suspicious. The next appointment is on Wednesday and I just want to be armed with as much info as possible as I had concerns about the mammogram when I was there but really feel like I was pushed into it when I was there because I didn't have enough info about how painful it might be and the radiation (which I'm wondering whether it has caused the heat). I keep trying to examine the lump and google all the different types, but it seems to change depending on the position I'm in. It definitely feels hard, but sometimes it feels like it's moveable, sometimes it even feels larger than just a few hours before, and I can't really tell the shape. I've been reading up on different options they might take at the appointment, which is ultrasound, which I'm fine with, fine needle aspiration or core biopsy. They also said diagnostic mammogram which I definitely DO NOT want to do. I appreciate that there hasn't even been a diagnosis yet, and maybe this isn't the most appropriate forum, but I'm super anxious and just need to speak to people who understand. Can anyone share their experiences on the different diagnoses methods? Which is the safest option without radiation or drugs? Thank you in advance.
Bittersweet!
Hello warrior friends, I need to vent! Today my eldest left our nest in Canberra bound for Sydney and i just can't stop crying. Bloody f...ed up cancer😡 I so want to be with him today to help him unpack and set up his new home but instead I'm at home feeling like crap after chemo number 2 on Monday and only 14 to go☹️F...ed up cancer took away our beautiful 9 week holiday we were meant to have in Dec/Jan as a family before he embarked on uni and it just keeps taking. The house just feels so empty without him! All my friends have been amazing but they just don't get the really crappy added dimension of dealing with breast cancer on top of it Today I feel totally broken! Thanks for listening ❤️
Im back And happy again
sooo I had a extended break from this and ended up having anxiety and now take half a antidepressant a day and finally feeling like my old self again. Just before Christmas I was thinking about quitting work I was so anxious over the stupidest things like what if the cake I choose isn’t right. Now I am back to. If you don’t like it don’t eat it. 🤗. Now I need to start losing some of the extra 7 kilos I ended up with over the last 18 months. And if I stopped eating so many yummy foods that would happen pretty quickly. This year is going to be amazing 😉.
ANXIETY LEADING UP TO CHECK UPS
I tell myself to use mind calming techniques and strategies as well as physical exercise but I still get anxious when it comes up to my repeat ultrasound/mammogram and the anniversary of my original surgery even though it is not until 1st December ............... this year will be three years post early diagnosis, lumpectomy and only three weeks of radiotherapy. It just seems that every time I have tests done, I end up needing biopsies again and so far anything found has been benign but, every six or twelve months it seems to happen over and over. It is a bit like Russian roulette it seems and I can't help wondering when the results could turn out different. My situation is so easy compared to the journeys others have had but that still does not stop the anxiety each time. If there are any other ways of coping I would like to hear them.
Life after Breast Cancer
Keen to chat to other woman who have been diagnosed in the past. I myself, was diagnosed in both 2012 and 2017. I want to know how other woman have adapted again to work, family, new relationships etc I still have my moments and would love to chat to others who have been there as well.
