Today's feelings in poetry
Lucky So lucky, people say. That they caught it when they did That it hasn’t spread That they got it all That I have insurance So, so lucky. That my friend told me about her cancer That I finally moved my arse and Went and had that mammogram That I live in the lucky country So lucky That my prognosis is good That my job will be there for me That I am surrounded by family and friends With their love, soup and casseroles. Lucky. That my new set are perkier Smaller, Scar-rier, numb-ier. A bit lopsided Like me. Some days though, I just feel A tiny bit Unlucky.
Not coping well
Hi, I’m new to this. I have been getting fairly regular mammograms ect for years now due to strong family history of breast cancer. I’m 45 and have always looked after myself physically very well. No one aside from me had any issues until they were in their 50’s or 60’s. Aside from my great grandmother no one has had a mastectomy. So after postponing my mammogram for a year due to Covid I decided I needed to get it done before starting a new job. About a week after re entering the workforce I was told there was a problem. It took 2 biopsies and about 6 weeks before they confirmed DCIS medium grade (still don’t know what that means) and I was advised of my options. The options all seemed pretty awful but a double mastectomy with reconstruction (implants as I was told I’m too thin for flaps), seemed like the safest option but I’m ashamed to say it was also very high on my priority list that I’d look ok after. What irony!!! I’ve had three operations in ten days due to complications. I’m left without implants and due to skin necrosis I’ve lost one nipple and about a third of the skin on both flaps. I’ve just seen a second surgeon for a second opinion and it appears this could and probably should have all been avoided (I believe she said “what’s this?” When she saw the mess I’ve been left with) I had to explain why my skin was so damaged. I can’t have any reconstruction until possibly mid next year maybe later as I’ll lose my job if I have any more time off. I know I should be grateful to be alive, ( the surgeon kept telling me I’d dodged a bullet) but I feel devastated, broken and completely unattractive. My relationship with my partner is at best under enormous strain. Can anyone tell me how they got through losing their breasts and feeling incomplete? I feel ashamed even whinging here about this as I know it could have been so much worse. And yet I’m not ok at all and having a very hard time seeing any light at the end of this.
Feeling challenged by clothes shopping?
I'd like to reach out to other women who find it hard to buy clothes because of changes to their bodies brought about by breast cancer. I'm almost 60 now and have lived with a mastectomy for over 20 years, with a handful of those years as a younger woman dressing around a reconstruction that I had removed back in 2006. I have felt quite frustrated over this entire period with how hard it has been to find clothes with high necklines that don't gape and that also disguise the imbalance I have in my breast shape and nipple outline. I've never regretted having the mastectomy - but have been really surprised at how down I would get with clothes shopping, for I consider myself to be a fairly strong and resilient person. Over a decade ago now I surveyed 423 affected Australian women about difficulties they experience - and realised some of us live with quite a significant and silent problem. About two years ago I approached the fashion industry to see what could be done for us generally, after struggling for months to find an outfit for my daughter's wedding. I met with some very supportive retailers and from there sourced a web developer to build a fashion site tailored to our needs. It includes a filter that enables browsing by selecting for a whole range of design features that women after breast cancer seem to look for but struggle to find - e.g. loose sleeves for lymphoedema management, high necklines and disguising patterns to name a few. The site is called Pink Collective Styling and it's listed within the BCNA Service Directory which is found under the Menu Tab "Understanding Breast Cancer", then selecting for "Find Services & Support Near You" and then "Physical Appearance Support". This has just been a subject that has got under my skin over the years because I feel it's an unnecessary burden to have layered on top of all the tough decisions that go with breast cancer and getting on with life. I am keen to hear from anyone who can recommend a fashion label or retailer that you've found offers a great range that 'works' for your needs so I can continue to grow the site and make it as broadly useful to the breast cancer community as possible. I'd also be very keen to hear where the site doesn't quite cover your particular needs if you too find clothes shopping a struggle. Julie
Single and still dealing with the complications of breast reconstruction and radiation
Hi I’m seeking insight and any comparative stories from any other women that have suffered from having complications with their reconstruction. After having a reconstruction 12 months ago following 6 months of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation I have just had to have my implant on the radiated breast removed. My reconstruction was purely silicon implant as the surgeon did not use any of my back or stomach tissue. In the last 12 months I have had Lymphatic fluid seepage from the right breast as the wound refused to heal completely. This occurred on and off throughout the last year and both me and my surroundings were hoping this would fix itself. Unfortunately in December 2018 I got an infection in the breast which has been treated with antibiotics. The infection came on very quickly and caused 50-100 mls of fluid to seep from my breast. This eventually stopped after 2 weeks. However a month later and the process repeated itself. The solution that has been presented to me to fix this is to remove the implant for 3 months. Clean the area to rid the infection. Which I underwent 3 days ago. The next stage is another surgery in 3 months to do a last dorsi tranplant to the radiated area to insert healthy tissue and replace the implant. The scar should then heal properly as it will be non-radiated skin. I am to,d this op will take 6-8 weeks to recover. So after 2 years of going through what I thought was my breast cancer journey I now have another 6 months where it is leading the direction of my life, stopping me from working, costing me money I don’t have and pausing any progress in my life. I have been told by the doctors and nurses that this is all very common. Is it? I’ve not met anyone who has had this happen to them. Im 48 yrs old. I’m single. I have no children. I also have vaginal atrophy and absolutely no sex drive. I’m getting very tired of the uphill battle and getting tired of being told to be strong. This will be over soon and I’ll get through it. I’m sick of it and have also had to deal with a lot of grief in the last 10 yrs. My breast cancer journey started In 2008 when I was only 37. I haven’t had any support groups to help or relate to throughout this. I have had no-one my age to compare my journey or health experiences with. I’ve not had a breast care nurse to support me through any of it either. I have been the captain of my ship the whole way through this and I feel like it’s sinking. When I received the BCNS journal when this all began I saw there was only 2 pages dedicated to single people. The rest of the book was dedicated to families and their support group. As a single person I feel isolated and left to the side. its much harder to find a purpose to wade through all of this when you are alone. Of course we have friends and a social circle but as I’m constantly reminded it’s not the same as having a husband or children to brighten your day. The commitment is not the same. Im looking for help. Can anyone out there please relate to any of my story, my experiences both emotionally and physically. I was advised to look on here and give this a go so I really hope I’m not wasting my time.
Sports Bra for runner
I am currently 10 days post bilateral mastectomy with immediate skin and nipple sparing implant reconstruction. I am also a keen runner who usually runs 70-80km a week. I now have a lovely set of 12D breasts and I am wanting to get a few super supportive sports bras ready for when I can return to training in 5wks. I also have a marathon booked 11.5wks post surgery. Thanks in advance for the help!
