After 2 lumpectomys and a pretty decent infection that broke down my scar and lead me to have to wear a VAC the past 7 1/2 weeks, they're going to remove my right breast. I did ask for both as that was the original plan, but as my swab results came back positive that there was still infection in my wound, the surgeon is anticipating more infection and therefore only wants to remove the one so there is only one wound. Ive cried since they told me and I'm not coping with the realization that this was all about to happen. I know I should be concentrating on getting the cancer removed but I can't get past the fact that I'm about to lose my breast forever. Eventually I'll get reconstruction but it's still not the same. I've taken every bit of bad news with strength and a positive thought process but this time I don't want to lose it. I can't stop thinking that perhaps there's another way. Is this the way everyone feels? I'm just so sad

I am so sorry you are having to deal with such horrid experience... It is hard dealing without infections and repeat surgeries muchless with all that pain and recovery. I think everyone once faced with the surgery feels grief and sense of loss and absolute fear of the unknown. I found through this whole process (before the surgery) every doctor I spoke with without my asking about it mentioned reconstruction and whatever is taken in surgery can be fixed. Not many people knew about my BC yet all that knew immediately 'comforted me' by telling me cosmetic surgerey would fix everything. Weiridly I was not even thinking it. There is so much emphasis on how our boobs and hair look by others that unavoidable it gets into our heads and starts to make us think like it is really that important... I mean offcourse I care - everyone does and absolutely normal to be anxious and sad before some surgeon comes in to remove what is part of you but one thing I reareali afterwards was that it was not my flesh he cut off... He had cut out the cancer. My flesh was gone already as the bastardd cancer had taken it. I had my surgery under a local anaesthetic (as cannot have general) and as awake in theatre I asked them to show me what was cut out... I wanted to know what the bastard looked like and to know it was really gone. May sound weird and morbid to ask such a thing but I am glad i did. What sat in a ziplock bag was not my flesh - it was a nasty bloob and it was not me. That is when it kind of dawned on me that my boob was taken by cancer so what is gone is just cancer and we are way way way more than just the sum of our body parts. You are a strong amazing woman dealing with one of the most horrifying illnesses and what is cut out today is not your breast - it is just something that bitch cancer has taken away already. When gets taken away is pain and turture and stress and you are given a new lease on life... Who cares about a bit of flesh - cosmetics can be fixed if you decide that is what you desire long term... The main thing is that cancer goes and you stay to have a long and happy life... Yes it will be a shock but it is just a flesh wound and they can be fixed so do be strong - when it is gone grieve for it but then remember - it is just a foreign bunch of cells and when all.is said and done you can look exactly the same as you used to and be healthy and happy for a long time. You are way way way more than the sum of your parts... Hugs Jel

I hope the surgery and recovery goes well. I hated the drain, that gave me more grief than the wound site. I am still to cry about losing my right boob as to me I now look normal. My mum and my aunt both lost a breast and then their lives to BC, so to me this is just another success/step in my fight against cancer. I could have had a lumpectomy but got the breast off, as far as I was concerned it was trying to kill me. Good riddance to it. We are all different and I hope in time you can see a breast doesn't define you, all great fighters have scars.

Hi I also had 2 lumpectomys and then they decided that they couldn't achieve good margins A mastectomy was recommended, this sent me into a tail spin as this was not in the plan. Of course I had the surgery with reconstruction at the same time, yes it was a shock and the thought of losing my breast was hard to take but all I wanted was to have the cancer taken. I had my surgery in 2014 and I'm still getting used to my new breast, but the reality is I'm here and moving on. Yes it is hard but you will get there one day at a time xxx

I am so sorry that you have had to go through so much already. I had a mastectomy straight up as my cancer was in two areas and there would have been nothing left with 2 areas to remove. I never really worried about losing the breast as I was more focused on getting rid of the cancer. I think Jel has put it so well when she says that it was the cancer not the surgery that takes our breast or parts there of. They can do wonders with reconstruction and there is a terrific group on here that can give you lots of support and info about that. I thought I would want reconstruction but after 7 months of treatment I felt differently. I am now more than 3 years from my surgery and live very happily with one healthy breast and one prosthesis. It's reassuring to know that there are good options no matter what your situation. The main thing is to get rid of the cancer so you can live a long healthy life. I feel well and healthy now and know that losing a breast was just what I had to do to get to here. Maybe one day there will be another way but meanwhile I am glad that my cancer was treatable. Deanne xxx

I am sorry to hear your news. I can understand how you feel, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in my right breast and I needed to have a mastectomy. I decided I wanted a double mastectomy because I didn't want to feel like a freak. I didn't want breast reconstruction because I am extremely overweight and a size G cup and I was advised against it anyway. My risk of going under a anaesthetic was higher than most (15% as opposed to the average 5%) and this figure would double by having a double mastectomy and the surgeon also advised me that if the left wound site ( from the removal of the cancer free breast) took longer (or worse, became infected) then this would delay the start of any further treatment I may need. Stll, I pushed on for the double mastectomy. I had my case to be put forward to the medical review team ( I tried twice) and my surgeon even referred me to someone else for a second opinion. Still the answer was the same (I delayed my surgery by 6 weeks) whilst arguing with the the medical team. It was only when my breast cancer nurse said to me to me "what is more important? Removing a breast or saving your life? My surgeon agreed to remove the left breast for me in 12 months time (or after any necessary treatment ( I have just found out I need chemo and radiation) was finished. 5 weeks post surgery and I have to admit that my surgeon was right. The surgery went well but recovery from the anaesthetic not so much, 2 days in ICU . ). I have to admit that my medical team was right. Don't get me wrong, I have had several really good cries over the past 5 weeks but I have also had wonderful support from my Psychologist and breast cancer support group as well as this website, family and friends. If you think it might help, see your gp for a referral to a psychologist for 10 sessions under the Medicare mental health plan. I have found it helps to talk to someone that you can share your private fears, grief, or anything else you might be feeling. They can also give you mindfulness exercises to help you. Goodrich with your surgery, post surgery recovery and test results.

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16 Replies

Bluewren
Member
10 years ago
Hi. I wish you a speedy recovery and it has been good for me reading your thoughts. I too have had two surgeries and having a right breast gone in a few weeks. Feeling an overwhelming of sadness but hearing after your op you feel better now that the cancer is gone. That is what we can focus on for now I guess. I am learning one step at a time and it does help knowing we are not alone in this emotional journey. cancer gone so we can get on with our plans of happiness. Hope everything goes okay for you in the next weeks and sending hugs to you. Xx
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jd48
Member
10 years ago
That is great to hear.

I do wish you a speedy infection free rerecove and when healed enough make sure you relax and have some fun times before the rest of the treatments commence ??

Hugs

Jel
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MissJoJo
Member
10 years ago
My surgeon doesn't like the drains so I'm feeling like a water bed swishing and gurgling away... But very glad I don't have to endure them. When I return for my weekly checkups they'll just syringe some out. Every nurse I've spoken to says if it was their choice they'd go this way- without drains.

Now I look at it I'm not as upset... This will be my daily reminder of what I've endured, survived and why I'm still here for my family and myself.

Thank you for taking the time to write and for tyour support
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MissJoJo
Member
10 years ago
Hi Jel

thanks for writing to me... I must admit now I'm on the 'other side' I'm feeling relieved it's gone and I don't feel as bad about losing my boob.

I can concentrate on getting better and next week learning the results so then I can focus on what comes next... I will beat this dreaded disease and come out the other side a lot stronger and grateful that I'm going to be here for a long time. X
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jd48
Member
10 years ago
I am glad it is done and the damn cancee is out and you sound well. Now you can concentrate on getting well and having a long happy life...

I will.not.loe and say it is not all.ups and downs from here but you definitely sound strong and i know you will be well.

We have all neen through these ups and downs and laughed, cried, ranted, raved, sooked... Just concentrate on healing and on yourself. You must be No1 now so you can recover and get well and do not forget we are here if you ever need us...

??????????????

Jel
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MissJoJo
Member
10 years ago
Thank you for taking the time to write... I'm on the flip side and I'm not feeling that sadness now- just relief it's out and gone. You're so right... I'm glad tone rid of that bit of poison and although I'm still facing more ahead I will be doing it confidence and not sadness.

Thanks so much x
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Jane_Elizabeth
Member
10 years ago
Miss Jojo I think we all question whether there is another way, regardless of what way we choose, or what way is thrust upon us. It sounds like you have had a really rough trot, and that your surgeon is being understandably cautious in relation to your surgery. There are so many variables in treatment regime, and ultimately we have to trust the person who is treating us, who really does have our best interests and outcomes at heart. That doesn't make the loss any easier to bear or less traumatic, especially when it doesn't seem to be going to plan.

I had a mastectomy Jan 30 2016, and still wonder whether I have processed that fact fully. It is a loss, an amputation,a scar, a reminder. It is sad. You can be strong, but still cry. You can be sad, but still look to the future. At the moment, you just have to be. And if tomorrow is too much, the next hour, or the next minute, or the next hug, will do. Jane x

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Jane221
Member
10 years ago
I feel for you MissJoJo and wish you all the best for your surgery tomorrow.

Four years ago I was facing losing a breast after the original lumpectomy didn't achieve clear margins. I was totally devastated and felt sad for quite some time as although my breasts didn't define me, they were an important part of my emotional and sexual makeup and I needed to grieve for that loss and the changes my body was going through. Those days and weeks around those initial surgeries were tough (and I wasn't battling an infection), but ultimately the mastectomy saved my life, getting rid of a far more extensive tumour than I was first diagnosed with and uncovering two further tumours not visible from the imaging and I guess this was the thing I needed to keep reminding myself of throughout that time - that the mastectomy was necessary so that I could continue to be here. I'm now two years on from reconstruction and I've had to adjust to lots of physical and emotional changes over that time but I have and I'm sure you will do too. Hugs, Jane xx

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Brenda5
Member
10 years ago
I opted for a straight out mastectomy on my left breast and as it turned out the lymph node was involved so I had a second op for a full node clearance. There was no way on earth they could convince me to do a lumpectomy. To me the breast had failed me so I just wanted the whole thing gone. I also said if they wanted they could take both but the doctors felt it unnecessary so I agreed with their advice to keep it. I figure its on parole now, it had better not have anything suss looking about it or its gone too.
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iserbrown
Member
10 years ago
Hi! Isn't it a so and so that we find ourselves filled with sadness and wondering how the hell did we get to be in this predicament!

It is challenging emotionally and physically, however, once you come through mastectomy and onto reconstruction there is a gradual acceptance of this is how it is meant to be, the blasted cancer has been removed.

Please take time to be sad and grieve as it is only natural that you feel like that!

You are in good hands with a great medical team to get you through surgery and all of us here to help you along the roller coaster of emotions that this blasted cancer brings.

Take care and sending you a virtual hug

Christine xx
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