Miss Jojo I think we all question whether there is another way, regardless of what way we choose, or what way is thrust upon us. It sounds like you have had a really rough trot, and that your surgeon is being understandably cautious in relation to your surgery. There are so many variables in treatment regime, and ultimately we have to trust the person who is treating us, who really does have our best interests and outcomes at heart. That doesn't make the loss any easier to bear or less traumatic, especially when it doesn't seem to be going to plan.
I had a mastectomy Jan 30 2016, and still wonder whether I have processed that fact fully. It is a loss, an amputation,a scar, a reminder. It is sad. You can be strong, but still cry. You can be sad, but still look to the future. At the moment, you just have to be. And if tomorrow is too much, the next hour, or the next minute, or the next hug, will do. Jane x