Surgery in the morning

Glad all went well for you. Tell your son he can say anything he likes to the social worker and its all confidential. The worker might not have answers for him but 2 heads thinking about stuff has to be better than one and a bonus is the sessions are free.  Regards to your husband, tell them he just doesn't understand you and your treatment and cut him a bit of slack. Not everyone can handle that sort of responsibility and it seems he is rather lacking. Just be patient with him is all you can do.

Thanks Trace, that's lovely. 

If I have learned anything over the years is that we are all human, and that we all react differently to stress, and cancer is a doozie. My son is very shy but has demonstrated the kindest heart that I have ever seen. He does not know what to do or say. I tell him every time that we speak that I love him. Being a compulsive cook, I work on the theory that you feed em and love em and that's all you can do. The most important thing for me is to convey love and to be grateful for all the little joys along the way.. Sending you a big cuddle, Trace ??♥???

Hi Keiley,

I've got 2 boys (18 and 14). The 18 year old told his closest friends, initially, that I was having a 'bi-sectomy'...and the Chinese whispers that then eventuated saw one of the boys telling his folks that "Nikki is having a vasectomy'! You gotta laugh!

My oldest found my diagnosis most difficult - possibly because he is older and more mature, but also because the mother of one of his best mates died last year from lung cancer. I tried to reassure him that my cancer wasn't her cancer and that we would be ok - I sometimes catch the boys looking at me to see how I'm really going.

I know Canteen has some services for kids of people with cancer too.

Glad the shawl worked well for you as well.

Take care of yourself and all the best with your recovery.

Thinking of you

Nikki

My teenage / adult boys just don't  want to talk about my cancer. But we make a point of cuddling  and I just tell them...I might look awful now but I'm  doing everything to ensure I am around for the long haul. I do ask them to do tasks for me, like carry out the washing basket or help me hang it out. Something they just wouldn't  think about. Although they still do it begrudgingly, as normal with teenagers. I think they actually do like to help. They will help with meal prep too if I ask...but I always have to ask.

Hi Keiley, those first couple of weeks post surgery are tough, but how about you getting down to the cafe for a cappuccino, what a woman. Those pillows are wonderful, and good to protect your sore bits from the seatbelt. Sounds like you're heading down the right track with your kids. Unfortunately they will have to sort their feelings about thei dad with their dad. It's really lovely that they are so protective of you. Sending you a big gentle cuddle, Trace ????????

Thanks everyone for your helpful responses here, it made all the difference!

I'm home now, but because I'm alone with two hopeless (but loving) young adult children I asked to stay until the drains could be removed. So I came home Day 7. 

That worked perfectly for me. We've already had some struggles adjusting at home, and I just wouldn't have coped earlier. I'm much tougher at Day 7! 

I got my two little pillows from the BC nurse on my first morning after surgery, and they have worked as well as a tablet for pain relief! My armpits are so bruised, and with these pillow tucked under my arms I feel I can relax and drop my shoulders and let my arms hang naturally which makes such a difference. I couldn't be without them. 

I loved my light shawl. It helped when my temp was funny in the air con. It helped enormously when my dear boss visited - I wore it like  a looped scarf to hide the concave chest a I have now. I even felt confident enough with the scarf over my chest to walk down to the hospital cafe at Day 5 and buy myself a cappuccino to take back to the ward. The other Godsend, those little home-made bags for your drains, made this possible too. Day 6 I took myself for a walk in the hospital gardens like this. Kids even talked to me, so I mustn't have looked that scary. 

Unfortunately, my own son (17) is struggling to be around me. I've got the hospital social worker involved so we will take up the help available there I hope. I can't force him to go. 

Both my kids are very angry with their Dad, who left 5 years ago and has been a bit dismissive when the kids have mentioned my cancer. 

It's all complicated but very very simple at the same time, isn't it? 

thanks Kath, you're awesome

Thanks Doll this list was great :)

All the best for successful surgery and good results all around. Sending you a big cuddle, Trace ????????