Forum Discussion

nessieanne's avatar
nessieanne
Member
10 years ago

Seeing the Oncologist was my reality check! 1st Cry came as a shock!

Hi All,

Saw the Oncologist on Thursday, and I was shocked about how it was a reality check for me. 

The lumpectomy and waiting for the pathology results I think were easier. My Dr is lovely and supportive but going through the details was hard. Hearing survival stats and chances of complications with chemo just made me weak at the knees. 

I left feeling like I had been given a big burden to carry. 

Up until this point I had been very positive, no crying or carry on, just more, ah well let's get on with it!

I decided to have a port inserted and had the referral the next day. Decided that my husband did not need to go to this appointment with me as I would be going straight to work afterwards. This conversation about veins, jugular vein, bleeding made me feel nauseous. I was so bad I called my sister inlaw, a vet, to ensure viens can be stitched up to stop bleeding. Today I think I have my head around it, decided to take it on an a challenge and afterwards I will feel empowered! Surgery is tomorrow for the port.

So decided had to cut my hair shorter, chemo coming Thursday and husband heard from Dr it is a good idea so all good to go! Had goal of going to the shops on Sat morning but instead cleaned the house! So Sat afternoon slowlymade my way over. As going up the escalator ramp realised I was getting upset. Walked slowly in the direction of the hairdresser then saw a special on handbags! Had to buy one! (More like waste time) $50 handbag now ready for hair dresser! Walked in fine, hair washed, then the lovely girl asked me what did I want done to my hair, next 10 minutes I blubbered away! 1st cry! Over cutting my hair! Couldn't have it cut as short as I probably should have but it does not look to bad. Watch out husband I could be converted to short hair!

I realise now the crying was not just for my hair, its the build up of it all but now I feel my emotions are a bit more raw and closer to the surface. I understand it's ok to feel sad, angry etc but my positive thinking kicks in reminding me this is just going to be a rough 6 months and then life will back to some sort of normal.

Have a great week ladies, may your challenges make you feel empowered!

Vx

 

lumpectomy

9 Replies

  • lrb_03's avatar
    lrb_03
    Member
    10 years ago

    I woke up feeling like I had a 3rd boob. Looked like it too. Thee swelling  went down over the next week or so. Still think it was the bestt decision I made back at the beginning.  

    Take care, L

  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    10 years ago

    I had to sleep on my back for a week after tje port inserted or it would pinch but generally no issues after that. I cried at the hairdressers too. I cried in a different  Specialist appointment when he told me my chronic disease of Graves had resurfaced....he got distressed...but it was a wtf ...Isn't breast cancer enough...moment. i just spontaneously cry and then can just suck it up and put my brave face on. It sure is hard being strong all the time and I no longer try. There will be more tears when your hair starts falling, have someone set up who will shave it for you when you can"t cope any longer. 

    I now am scarfe and hat obsessed. Take care. Kath x

  • nessieanne's avatar
    nessieanne
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi girls! The port surgery was not too bad. Surprised at the size of the wound. Feeling not bad but waiting to see how I sleep.

    Thank you for all of your supportive messages!

    Amazing how it helps!

    Vx 

  • Mishie's avatar
    Mishie
    Member
    10 years ago

    I was brave through the lumpectomy too, hon, but there have been a few times since that I couldn't help crying, mainly over painful procedures. I finally realised during my first chemo last Monday that I need to tell the other person involved (in that case a nurse who dug around in my arm looking for a vein) not to be upset if I cry, it's just my way of releasing tension and not a reflection on her. It's hard trying to be brave to save someone else the discomfort of seeing you break down, I think it adds enormous stress when you're already at the breaking point. I think now's the time to give yourself that release when you need it. I hope your port procedure went well! Hugs, I hate that you're going through this but you're not alone!

  • Aqua_sunrise's avatar
    Aqua_sunrise
    Member
    10 years ago

    I have a few handbags as well . . . 

    Sometimes there's just no other way to deal with it all ! 

    Love, hugs  & strength to you 

    ????????

     

    tansy

    xoxox

  • ScorpionQueen's avatar
    ScorpionQueen
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi V

    It's a huge fricken deal! I have cried a few times the most recent was at chemo (tuesday... #5) all over a collapsed vein, meaning the nurse had to stick me again....my hubby was a great support as always, but the dear man next to me (sitting with his wife) got up and brought me the box of tissues from the nurses counter...that made me blubber even more!

    I don't think we realise the impact this whole thing has on not only us, but everyone around us. We remain positive, and boy somedays that soooo hard to do!....we put on the brave, smiley face for everyone else. Having short, and now no hair, has been quite liberating for me! I am known for my hair (and big boobs, ironically!) So having both of those things (the boobs later) taken away from me is quite shocking, but I am now embracing it....It's my "trophy" that I am kicking cancer's butt....the boobs? well that may be quite a different story and I'll deal with it after chemo.

    As tough as it can be, we must do everything in our power to ensure this bitch doesn't come back! So power on Girl! You can do this, we are right beside you every step of the way :)

    Wishing you easy recovery and beautiful days.

    Good luck for your port....

    Xx

    Tracy

  • adean's avatar
    adean
    Member
    10 years ago

    We all have to cry ,we all seem to get this invisible shield around us and we grab everything full on. But we are still vulnerable, I honestly believe you've got to get out that cry, when mine came out it was on the toilet lol and I cried for everything . I felt like it took that weight of trying to be strong for everyone of my shoulders I also had a massive meltdown in front of the family and that's when reality hit but I'm here 4 years down the track good luck adean xxx

  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    10 years ago

    I reckon you have gotten over the hard part. The rest should be endurable. For me cutting the hair short was a shock. I knew it would have to be done but I wasn't prepared for the totally different feeling it gave me and Me just wasn't the old Me any more. Yes every one says it will grow back after chemo but it still takes some getting used to. Hugz.XX

  • Gayser's avatar
    Gayser
    Member
    10 years ago

    Good luck today? I had a port inserted and initially it was a little uncomfortable, it has been great. The start of the treatment process can be overwhelming, be as strong as you can and don't be afraid to have a tear now and again. Good luck with everything.