Hi there Jenny ... I can honestly say I have not felt pain to the extent you have .... you must feel that there is no end to it !!!
I had a mastectomy/gland removal in 2010 and although I experienced the normal discomfort/pain it was nothing compared to what you are going through.
I am at present waiting for a knee replacement and the pain factor has really kicked in to the extent that my pain management comprises Norspan patches and alternate pain medication.
I understand how living with pain 24/7 can affect you both physicaly and mentally.
I didn't opt for reconstruction but can understand your fear of more ongoing pain. Is it necessary to have the recon soon or can it be put off for a while longer giving your body extra time to heal? Just a question re your fears (please don't be offended)... has your pain management specialist suggested that you speak to a phycologist (not a psychiatrist) as to ways to help face your fears?
I have days when I think ...."why me? .... when will it end? ...I'm over it" etc etc and it has been good to go and speak with someone outside my regular sphere of friends and family.
I know it's easy for me to say, but try to stay positive through this ... look after yourself and remember that YOU are your number one priority
Much Love
Shirl x0x