Forum Discussion
Here we go
Where do I start, I am 29 years old I have been married for two years this Wednesday and have been diagnosed with stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma. Who would have thought your life could change so much.
I was chatting away with my work collegues and just had a sudden urge to scratch my right breast, much to my shock I felt a large lump that I am positive wasnt there when I showered in the morning. My first reaction was to book an appointment to go to the doctors. The next day I went to my gp who said I needed to have an ultrasound but she was positive that it was a fibroad or a cyst so I dodnt freak out. The next day I went to have an ultarasound and the doctors were saying that they word need to do a fna to get samples of exactly what it was, my heart sank panic started kicking in. The doctors told me I would receive the results the following week, but my husband and I would be away on holiday when the results would be given. I spoke to my gp that night and asked her what I should do as I wanted to know the news and she told me that the results couldnt be given to me via email or phone call but needed to be in person, she said not to worry and enjoy your holiday (easier said then done). I booked an appointment the day we flew in to get the results. We had a great holiday but the results were always on my mind.
The day we got back I went to my gp and she broke down in tears (this is our family doctor who has been looking after my family and I for about 15 years), I knew straight away it was bad news and also broke down in tears my husband sat there stunned no reaction just tears rolling down his face.
The hardest was telling my parents as I come from a close nit family and my parents live for their kids. I decided to call them allover to my parents and let it out then.
The next day I was up for alot more tests a biopsy, mammogram, ct scan lots of poking and proding to find out more about this monster inside if me.
The results came in it was HER2 positive, 32mm and thank goodness no where else in my body.
My surgeon informed me due to where it was that my best alternative was to have chemo first to reduce the size of the lump before having a lumpectomy, followed by radiation. To prevent scarring in my cleavage area and to not lose at least one cup size.
I was overwhlemed thinking I needed to have chemo and surgery was crazy I had never been to hospital never had any surgery and all of a sudden I would be having all this.
Our next recommendation from my doctor was to see about fertility options, as being only married nearly two years we were looking at starting kids so I was excited to go things in progress so that we could start a family after all this has passed. I was informed that chemo would reduce the chances of me getting my period by 50% and less chance of having kids I freaked out, our option know was to go through IVF.
On our first session they did an ultrasound on my ovaries to find that my left ovary isnt producing many eggs and is 14times smaller then my right I freaked out.From here the journey of IVF came to hand. With multiple ultrasounds, bloode tests, queing up early hours in the morning to get early appointments to be at work by 9, injections, tablets and hormones being pumped into me the day came to collect my eggs. With having to postpone my chemo for two weeks dispite the oncologist suggesting not to we have five eggs fertilised and waiting for us when all this is over.
on Wednesday the 18th of September I had my first session of chemo I went the week before to have my zolardex injection to still try protect my ovaries from all that is about to happen. It was very nerve racking being the only younger person in the room with sick and frail people around you , I wasnt sure if I was ready to go through all this as the reality is I was soon going to be one those frail people.
The session of Docetaxel, Herceptin and Carboplatin went well it took about four hours, the actual appointment witht my oncologist prior was scary as he had told me that my heart rate was extremely low and the Herceptin would make it lower and cause my heart to stop I freaked out.I am now on tablets evey day to stop my heart from being affected.
I have taken time off work to find my feet and brace myself for what is about to occur. It has been I think 6 days since my first session I have been lucky and had only felt a little nautious, but my body is aching, I have come out with red bumps round my hairline and my minds allover the place. I am dying to get back to work, I am finding I am feeling very emotional and am trying to be strong but I am at the point where I have just had enough I dont want to go through this I dont want to feel this way, I hate the idea of not knowing what is about to happen.
My biggest fear is that I will never be the person I used to be and that my life wont go back to normal.
How do I accept what is happening and be posiive about what this chemo is doing to me is it really worth it?
21 Replies
Hi JeanineG,
thankyou for your message, i must admit you are one strong lady, after 13 days of being diagnosed you had a double mastectomy, how amazing and also what a big thing to go through so soon after being diagnosed.
It took me a while as well to go onto this website and tell my story but i must admit it felt really good like a weight was lifted off my shoulders afterwards. There are soo many wonderful people on this website that are going through the exact same thing which helps as unless your going through it you noone completely understands what you are going through.
maz a mataz
- Hi Bell, just wanted you to know that your comments gave me some hope that there is light at the end of this horrible tunnel. I was diagnosed last month with ductal carcinoma grade 3. I'm thankful it hasn't gone anywhere else in my body. Had mastectomy and began chemo 2 weeks ago. I'm just so scared and anxious . Comments like yours give people like me a sense of hope . Thank you!
Hi Bel,
thanks for your post I definately agree that fear is one of my biggest concerns and not being able to control the situtation and what may arise next.
These things are I guess out of our hands, its hard being at home and trying not to think about it but I must admit if it wasnt for my hubby, a close friend and my family I dont think I would have gotten out of the depressed state I was not long ago.
My head does feel clearer and I am so grateful of the small successes like being able to get out of bed and not throwing up etc.
I was worried about my work situation as I am a work aholic and my life is consumed with work at times. I barely take sick time I think in the past 12 years I was working, up until my cancer diagnosis I had taken maybe five days where I was sent home.
My oncologist recommened to take the first three weeks off of my first session to find my feet, I must admit it feels strange and quiet at home which doesnt help with over thinking things. I am glad though to have the time off as I dont know how I would go with work and how productive I would be.
My husband believes I shouldnt go back to work until its allover or even until surgery is over and I have my radiotherapy and six more sessions of herceptin. But I know my boss would have a field day, as it is it was a mission to get the three weeks off I am receiving emails now as it is with questions (I havent bothered to open them as I need to focus on me). I cant believe it.
Only my boss and some staff know of my situation as I didnt want everyone to know, everyone keeps asking questions as why I am off to so many appointment as I am never off. Is it bad of me not to tell everyone?
I am freaking out about my hair as the work I do I am around hairdressers and paranoid there going to spot my wig.
I am glad you said there is a light at the end of the tunnel I just need to focus on the bigger picture.
Hey Mich,
thankyou for your reply I am just taking day as it comes.
I did end up getting the my journey kit its a great asset it answered a lot of question and helped me with tracking bookings which is great as I am a little obsessive complusive with organisation.
What I have noticed is you find out who your real friends are and care for unfortunately.I have had friends that have just disappeared of the planet (I guess they are scared and don't know what to say or do ) which is sad.
I am now a just over a week into it now and am feeling better, my head isnt as congested now as it was originally and I am starting to think clearer, just waiting for my hair to fall out, which I am still hoping it doesnt but hey its all apart of the bigger picture.
How are you and what is your story if I am may ask
- Hi Maz I'm so sorry to read about your diagnosis. I was diagnosed myself last year and it was a huge shock. Within 13 days of diagnosis I had undergone a double mastectomy with expander implants and have had four surgeries since then. It is a hard road but with the right support and family and friends around you, you will get through it. I have only just had the courage to post my story on this site yesterday and have had amazing responses and support already. Keep us posted as we are all cheering for you. Sending you healing energy and love JeanineG
Let me introduce myself, my name is Bel, and I am through to the other side of all my treatment, 10 months later, and feeling nearly back to how I was before. It is going to take a lot of determination, positive thinking, and mood swings to get through, but you will. We all know exactly how youre feeling, and each emotion that goes with that. We all have slightly different situations, but the emotions are all the same, fear is your greatest challenge, and learning how to control that. My how fast that time went by! I took the year off, Id never had anything wrong before, and I thought it would be wise, for me, to get the hell out of work and focus on my health. I found that the drugs cause a lot of mood swings, Im a bit older (ah quite a bit, 47, so it put me straight into instant menopause, so that gave me hot flushes and mood swings!). "Chemo Brain" made me forgetful and vague, and I had a bit of "post traumatic response" well thats what we assumed, at the end of chemo. My hair is now growing back, I can think clearly, and am focusing on going back to work and what I was up to before. Feel free to walk down my memory lane in my blogs, I complained, cried, panicked and stressed out, but in the end......I was fine! Bel
Let me introduce myself, my name is Bel, and I am through to the other side of all my treatment, 10 months later, and feeling nearly back to how I was before. It is going to take a lot of determination, positive thinking, and mood swings to get through, but you will. We all know exactly how youre feeling, and each emotion that goes with that. We all have slightly different situations, but the emotions are all the same, fear is your greatest challenge, and learning how to control that. My how fast that time went by! I took the year off, Id never had anything wrong before, and I thought it would be wise, for me, to get the hell out of work and focus on my health. I found that the drugs cause a lot of mood swings, Im a bit older (ah quite a bit, 47, so it put me straight into instant menopause, so that gave me hot flushes and mood swings!). "Chemo Brain" made me forgetful and vague, and I had a bit of "post traumatic response" well thats what we assumed, at the end of chemo. My hair is now growing back, I can think clearly, and am focusing on going back to work and what I was up to before. Feel free to walk down my memory lane in my blogs, I complained, cried, panicked and stressed out, but in the end......I was fine! Bel
thankyou so much for your reply, its amazing what chemo does to your mind from days of feeling positive and ready to fight this to days of I've had enough.
I just need to take each day as it comes and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel
your not alone and you will get thru this.
I was diagnosed at 28 in 2011. If you wanna chat my email is [email protected]
I also run a support group for young women diagnosed. So if your interested in joining just email me. Im not really on this site alot anymore.
As Im trying to return to my new life with cancer being part of that. but only a part time presence. it no longer controls my life.
U never think u can within treatment. but u will get there.
Xxx
Love and light new pink sister.
Merylee
Hey Maz
Hello to you sweety. I also find it hard that you are here talking to us because you are going down the same track that a lot of us have had to go down and yet you are so young. I don't understand why so many young people are being diagnosed. Your new life is just beginning. But in saying that it is a real positive that you are so young and I am sure fairly well and healthy.
My main advice to you is to just take things day by day or even sometimes hour by hour. Nurture yourself. Drink lots of fluids, mainly water and eat and sleep well.
I am so glad you have found BCNA and therefore your new pink sister family cause we are here for you every step of the way.
I hope you have your "My Journey Kit" which will be extremely helpful for you. You can order it online if you haven't and it will arrive in the post.
There are so many people who have walked down the path that you are walking now and we all fully understand your panic (doctors don't realise we can't really enjoy our holiday worrying about possible BC). I am amazed how they make us wait when we are living in fear. We understand all your fears and that you have to have all these ongoing tests etc. You would have had more with your IVF but you have some really great positives that have come from that.
Sometimes it helps just to get it out there. Sometimes you can't talk to hubby or mum or dad or other loved ones because you don't want to scare them or worry them so it is good to come on here and chat away.
We are definitely here for you when you need us.
Lots of love always, Mich xoxoxoxoxox
