Here we go

Hi Bel,

thanks for your post I definately agree that fear is one of my biggest concerns and not being able to control the situtation and what may arise next.

These things are I guess out of our hands, its hard being at home and trying not to think about it but I must admit if it wasnt for my  hubby, a close friend and my family I dont think I would have gotten out of the depressed state I was not long ago.

My head does feel clearer and I am so grateful of the small successes like being able to get out of bed and not throwing up etc.

I was worried about my work situation as I am a work aholic and my life is consumed with work at times. I barely take sick time I think in the past 12 years I was working, up until my cancer diagnosis I had taken maybe five days where I was sent home.

My oncologist recommened to take the first three weeks off of my first session to find my feet, I must admit it feels strange and quiet at home which doesnt help with over thinking things. I am glad though to have the time off as I dont know how I would go with work and how productive I would be.

My husband believes I shouldnt go back to work until its allover or even until surgery is over and I have my radiotherapy and six more sessions of herceptin. But I know my boss would have a field day, as it is it was a mission to get the three weeks off I am receiving emails now as it is with questions (I havent bothered to open them as I need to focus on me). I cant believe it.

Only my boss and some staff know of my situation as I didnt want everyone to know, everyone keeps asking questions as why I am off to so many appointment as I am never off. Is it bad of me not to tell everyone?

I am freaking out about my hair as the work I do I am around hairdressers and paranoid there going to spot my wig.

I am glad you said there is a light at the end of the tunnel I just need to focus on the bigger picture.