Feeling "blue" on tamoxifen

@laurie123 if you are interested my appointment with my onc was interesting. She has said I have to stop Tamoxifen for three weeks to see if the erratic behaviour and tears etc get any less. As I am suffering insomnia as well she thinks perhaps its the tablets plus that making my anxiety and tears and flat feeling all feel worse. She also said of course menopause could also be a huge part. So we are I guess doing a process of elimination to see what is causing what because I just feel a huge hot mess and have no idea what is causing what, I only know how I feel most days. I panicked in the first instance at stopping the tablets but it is only three weeks. She then said I may start back on half only. 
The only other thing mentioned was perhaps to take a mild antidepressant to counter act the Tamoxifen but at this point I politely declined. 
I hope you have been feeling better xx

You nailed it re the mortality @Afraser - it really hit me in the face and my husband tries to understand, but I don't think you do get it until you are there.  It has levelled me, and I am running scared.  The confident, fun-loving lady has left the building and I feel very fragile and uncertain.  
Thank you so much everyone for your replies and advice, it means more than I can put into words. @TonyaM thank you I will bring it up with my Oncologist.  
My husband and kids deserve me back again, after all we have been through together as a family, I feel a let down to myself and to them and I see a little window of light and a snippet of my old self (like immediately after exercising with the endorphin rush), but then it's gone and my flatness returns. Saturday morning a chance to relax and I was a crabby, flat, emotional mess.  
Thank you all so much once again. I have another counselling session with Cancer Council next week too.
Thank you ladies xx

Hi @laurie123, it’s not you,it’s Tamoxifen. Hot flushes,sleepless nights and low mood- the only thing that got me through was a VERY low dose antidepressant called Endep 10mg. It didn’t give me any side effects and took the edge off all of the above symptoms. Unfortunately these anti hormone drugs are a necessary cruelty.You’d think we’d been through enough.Talk to your oncologist because you shouldn’t have to suffer.

Hi @laurie123 & @Christabel03 .... Tamoxifen is the only AI that I HAVEN'T tried!!!   

I started on Letrozole nearly 5 years ago & only lasted 6 weeks (extreme aches & pains) ..... then Exemestane for 6 months & been on Anastrozole for 4 years now .... and going much better.   I am even considering continuing for another 5 years (after discussing it with my onc at my next appt.)

Have a chat with your Onc & see if you might be able to try one of the others ... there is no harm in 'trying'. 

Good luck xx

@laurie123 you are so welcome, it is so hard to navigate everything that comes with cancer and everyone here has some really valid points and good ideas. I will let you know what my Onc says next week as this is my first visit as well post treatment. I have read quite a few peoples posts on here that say they switched off Tamoxifen and it was a noticeable difference, so it could really be worth a discussion. Anything to not feel so flat and teary all the time! 
Hang in there xxx

Hi @laurie123, I agree with comments above. I was in tamoxifen for 18 months post chemo and radium. I did get counselling during treatment. Tamoxifen surprised me with the side effects of fatigue, breathless and feeling flat. I would talk to your oncologist about it. However for me the fatigue and breathlessness got out of control and also impacted my mood. My oncologist gave me a 6 wk break and started me on Letrozole. Omg what a difference. It isn't perfect as I have some bone issues but switching for me has been a winner. I think the key here is talking to your gp and or oncologist and perhaps talking to a counsellor too. Keep advocating for yourself to get well. Best wishes 

Your GP may be on the money. I didn’t have anxiety but a number of potentially long lasting side effects (all still with me ten years on but very manageable) left me wondering quite who I was. A good counsellor (ie one who can connect with you as a person not just a patient) is a very good thing indeed. I didn’t see mine for very long but her ability to enable me to investigate what was really bugging me (and it wasn’t so much cancer as the reality of ageing and ultimately death) was and still is immensely helpful. For many people, cancer is the first forceful reminder of your mortality. It can be difficult. The inevitability of one’s mortality (none of us is here for ever!) doesn’t mean it’s easy to grasp
or accept. For me, greater acceptance meant taking on a new job, a new challenge (at 68), it served to remind me that life is for living! 

Very true, wise words @Afraser.  I do believe that it all has just hit me, after christmas when my radiation ceased and the new year kicked in, and I am facing the prospect of my next scans (1st scans post diagnosis).  I could very well be feeling like this without the tamoxifen. 
I am starting to feel like I may need something more, my GP wanted me to talk to a counsellor before starting me on any medication, which I have done (Cancer Council have been amazing), but I think I may need something more to get me through this stage of life.  I've never taken antidepressants before but I've never had cancer either. I think my poor hubby and kids thought I'd be through it all, and on the other side, I feel like I am letting them down in that sense, as my journey is only really just beginning...

@laurie123

Just a thought but anxiety can have similar effects and it may be worth discussing this too. I am still on Letrozole (10 years done in May!) and it hasn’t caused any depression or anxiety but reaction to having cancer (diagnosis, surgery, chemo or other treatment) can take a while to kick in. The prospect of medication for years may be a trigger. It may well be a reaction to Tamoxifen, but possibly a delayed reaction to
the whole damn thing. Take care. 

Hi @Christabel03 thank you so much for your reply.  I really appreciate you taking the time.  It is so nice to feel I am not alone...I am getting teary as I type this....some days I really do feel all alone, so it really helps tremendously and means so much to me.  I too am up and down like a yoyo.  I know I have anxiety that i would have had anyway, but I am sure this tamoxifen is messing with me more so.  I feel I am constantly PMS, except it never goes away.  I am a joy to live with some days haha!!!  I hope all goes well at your Onc appointment, please let me know if she has any suggestions.  I don't see mine until end of April, which will be my first follow up since T, so counting down.
Thank you again, I hope you have a good day today xxx