Docetaxel nightmare!
Day 5. - after round four.
Well, the last few days would have to be THE WORST time of my entire life!
The side effects reared their ugly head the day after chemo. This was a new side effect, one I wouldn't wish even on my worst enemy. Teeth clenching, leg twitching, muscle twisting bone pain!!
I literally couldn't keep my legs still, even when standing....the pain in my hips, knees, shins and ankles was horrendous...there aren't enough words to describe the pain...after consulting, in tears, with my GP via telephone...I already had some strong painkillers on hand, so she recommended I take those upfront and she prescribed some slow release versions of the same.... Along with panadol ... I couldn't stand up after, almost fainted which warranted me sliding down the cupboard to sit on the floor...so I literally spent two days in bed.... No food, just sips of water...
I since managed to eat a small amount but up that came....now I don't know if it was the chemo, the meds or the sheer agony I was in that made me vomit...Whatever was in my stomach came up, not that there was much... But a lot still came out!?
My tongue feels like it's burnt and is so thickly coated, my taste has definitely disappeared now!
I'm putting it down to my body saying 'what the fuck are you doing to me? How is any of this supposed to be helping?' I have said that out loud a few times in the last few days.... How IS this helping me? It so hard to comprehend that all of this suffering is doing good against the greater evil.... But according to the experts it is, so while it didn't seem that way at the moment... I must force myself to believe that it is...
Well it's taken this long to get the painkillers right... And I had a good sleep last night up until about 2am where I woke every 1/2 hour, sweats and the pain was awakening again... Either the Panadol or exhaustion by early morning sent me into a deep sleep until 8am... I awoke still with that fog I've become accustomed to... But I managed to keep breakfast down! My legs seem to be doing as my brain tells them too and I'm a bit steadier on my feet.... I think I'll flick the strong painkillers for panadeine now... Still totally exhausted ... I'm battle weary... but I think I'm coming good....
I'll laze about today and gather my strength.... Because I have to do this TWICE more and I must be ready! Arrgh!
