Forum Discussion
Here Goes
Hello. My name is Jenny and I live on the NSW/Vic Border. I have gone to post in here a couple of times but backed out. Denial maybe?
On Wednesday I was officially given the diagnosis of BC. I have had a large lump for around a year but I have 26JJ sized breasts and the lump is down along where the bra wire sits. I put it down to thickening because of the bra wire. I recently started Lite N Easy and after loosing around 10kg I noticed that the lump was much larger than I thought. It has its own postcode ;p Its 5cm x 3cm x 2cm.
So I did the mammo and ultrasound and knew when I called for results, that the urgency by my GP to get me in to see her, that something was very wrong. That day I had bloods, CT scan and was booked in for biopsy. All along I was doing as much research as possible. Armed with knowledge I have always found it easier to deal with things. Must be part of the anxiety I have day in and out.
I met my surgeon on Wednesday who gave me the diagnosis. I was alone at the appointment and was in shock, none the less. I guess I was hoping it was just a mass that they just wanted to remove for safety sake. I do remember asking him what type of Cancer and I vaguely remember him saying Metastatic and that its very common. I am booked in for a lumpectomy and node removal on the 22nd. (Tuesday Week). I am then too do 5 weeks radiation.
I've got all of that in my head and ready to deal with. But now I am reading all of the paraphernalia and Metastatic means I have it in other places in my body? Do they know where? Does this mean I will probably have to do chemo after radiation?
I know I am overthinking all of this and should take it one day at a time. I work 3 days a week and also on partial DSP. Being at work keeps my mind off things. I am planning on taking vacation leave for the rest of the week after my lumpectomy. I am so grateful that my oldest of 2 (daughter) is able to travel up from Melbourne to bring me home from the surgery and stay with me for a couple of days.
Another questions. I had been using implannon rod to control my periods, over the years. The last one was put in around 2011 and is still in my arm somewhere. As I have very thick arms I cant feel it and haven't bothered about it. I believe that it has run out of the hormones anyway after all of this time. Is this something I should tell my surgeon about?
I have so many questions. When will I start radiation? Will someone contact me or do I contact them?
I met my Breast Care Nurse but she was heading on vacation to France the next day. I have the number of another one and I will phone her and make contact with her this week.
It's like my whole life is about the Cancer now. I am being strong in front of everyone else but these times at home alone I am terrified.
Sorry if this is all over the shop but that is how my head works. I have been treated and continue to be treated for Depression an Anxiety for close to 20 years and have only recently found a good balance. The Lite N Easy journey was me actually caring about myself. Some days I shake so much it looks like I am having a min seizure.
Usually I am upbeat and cheeky and able to find the lighter sign of things. But tonight I am low.
Any insights would be wonderful.
365 Replies
- Transport to chemo is the perfect job for your grumpiest friend. The person who is not going to make you cry by trying to be kind to you, but will turn up, not just on time, but early. The person who can entertain themselves for a couple of hours and will be waiting in the carpark when you are done. If you have such a friend, let them do that for you. I understand the whole anxiety about cars, transport, being on time (really, I do) Make another arrangement for the first treatment. If all goes well, manage it yourself the next time. Mxx
Hello Ladies.
I have been on the quiet side of late. A bit on the dark side and hiding in my bed. Isnt it funny that we are brave and strong around people but break when wee are alone. Well for me anyways. The last 2 weeks have been quiet as I wait for my first Chemo next Tuesday. Bone and Heart Scans came back good. Had a slimport put into my arm yesterday (local) and feeling a bit sore and sorry. My employer has been covering my wages for when I have been missing for the past 8 weeks. They have been wonderful and this is something they do for any staff in a similar situation. So for now on I only get paid for when I work. I can deal. I also get a partial DSP so that will go up a little as my wage goes down. Fortunately I have some savings so that will help.
I think what has knocked me about was when the Onc said one of 3 things can come out of this.
1. I can have all of the treatments and never see Cancer again
2. I can have all of the treatment as cancer will return
3. I can have all of the treatments and they don't do anything.
I don't know why but I am thinking the worst. My anxiety is all over the shop and scaring me. I arrived at the Hospital Car Park yesterday for my port procedure and I just started trembling. In the waiting room a huge wave of nausea hit me and all I wanted to do was vomit whilst hiding my face because I was crying. I know I have to put on my big girl panties and toughen up and I know I will. I have to stop thinking about the future and just get through these treatments day by day. I thinking the waiting has been doing my head in. I know it sounds strange but I just want to get this chemo started so I know what to expect and how I might feel with SE's.
I did ask work if they could find me work to do from home and they were positive about that so that would be good fo days I cant get to work but might pick up on the days.
One big plus! Dorevitchs had a branch about 100 metres away from work!!!
My daughter is coming to visit weekend after this one coming. I am trying to organise for my hairdresser to be available as Sammy want to be here when we take my hair. If my hairdresser isn't available Sammy and I will do it together. Having chronic anxiety and needed to be prepared for everything, I ordered some hair clippers and scissors so we can do it ourselves.
Ive got about a dozen head covers. I didn't think about the ones for China being for people with small heads. Some of them wont fit my boofhead. So I'll donate them through the Wellness Centre here.
Can I ask you all if you drove yourself to and from your Chemo appointments? I was going to drive over and if I was too unwell to drive home I would call a cab or a friend, then come back for the car the next day. See my anxiety has me stepping out every step in the future. I am waking up at night shaking and sobbing. So much so that I haven't been able to go to work.
Anyways thanks for reading. Gotta hit the shower and try not get my arm with the port wet.
I hope you are all doing well and huge hugs for those who are struggling at the moment.
Jenny xxx
- Hey @TabooGal Wow not long until your first chemo. We are pretty much at the same stage. I would think I would be starting mid July to the end of July sometime. Will know once I go back again in a week and a half or so to see how I am healing, definitely a bit more sore this second time around . Then it will be appointments with the Oncologist no doubt. You mentioned a slim port.Is that something they insert into your arm so they don't have to dig around your veins each trip for chemo does everyone have one of those inserted. Good on you for working. I have not been working at all as my job is quite physical being a cook. I agree with you about the BC staff they have just been amazing and very caring and informative through the whole process. They frequently call me at home to see how I am not just physically but emotionally as well. Think I will take them in some nice morning tea in next appointment What sort of head gear did you go with. I'll get onto google at some stage and order something, but definitely decided to get a chemo cut before it all starts. Stay in touch and let me know how your first chemo goes. We'll get this. xox
- Will do @Eastmum will definitely stay in touch.
- @arpie I plan on having fun too!
- hehe I bought one!! Just for fun ..... I am considering donating it to the Cancer Clinic at Port Macquarie! ;)
The guy's one is a fishing buddy who bought it whilst in Scotland last year! ;) - @arpie I wonder if it comes with orange eyebrows? lol so much fun
- I bet you haven't got THIS one, @TabooGal ..... A Scottish Tam OShanter!! ;)
Here's the guy's version - @kitkatb Hello. Thank you for the welcome. I think I am at the same stage as you. Lumpectomy and sentinel node removal on the 22nd of may. Since the full on with appointments and tests. I start AC chemo on the 3rd of July ( 6 weeks after surgery). I am now in the wait mode with which I am doing everything I can in prep for chemo. Enjoying feeling normal for a bit. The flu shot last Thursday left me with horrible bone pain in the legs and hips over the weekend but thankfully that has passed now. I had traveled 3 hours to Melbourne to visit my children. I was shuffling around like a decrepit centenarian. I plan to work for the next 3 weeks with 2 appointments and getting my slimport fitted then play by ear once chemo starts. A little anxiety wanting the results of the bone scan last week as I am stage 2a at the moment with Grade 3 tumour removed.
As they say in this journey "one day at a time"
It must have been scary for you having a re-excision. The thought of going back in with everything being so sore still makes me shudder. The beautiful ladies here have been an amazing support and help as I suffer from chronic anxiety so knowledge helps me immensely. I have a great medical team as well and I am comforted that my Onc can be contacted 24/7. I think I bought out the chemist this week in preparation for every contingency. The way I am going I am going to have a different head cover for every day of chemo and beyond. 3 weeks post surgery now and very very little pain and with the help of beauty oil the scars are lovely and soft and pinking up. I hope everything is moving along well for you too. Like @Eastmum said, once the chemo starts we will know that we can do it. We are all warriors! - Will do @Eastmum will definitely stay in touch. :)
