This is a nightmare I cannot wake up from

this morning at my oncologist appointment before my treatment I happily lisined as she read out my wonderful mri results. All my 12 large liver tumours shrunk to scar tissue hooray. Suddenly I saw her face drop as she read on turning to me explaining I had multiple metastasis along my thoracolumbar spine T11 L1 L2 L3  I thought perhaps the floor may open and swallow me as being right there I thought was the last place on earth I wanted to be. Last night I had woken up and I knew deep down somehow news of this sort may happen today and I was right. So ladies please help. I have good news regarding my mets to my liver. But am I doomed now with bone mets. Right now I'm forgetting to breath. I want to grow old forget the wrinkles I never wanted or the grey hair I now want so much I just want to live a long life. Am I dreaming chasing gold that can never be. I do no longer think I can ride this roller coaster it is causing me great grief pain I find that never goes away I'm never going to be happy again I'm sure. I desperately need to live my beautiful 2 year old French mastiffs life out because no one would care and love him like me 
I apologise I'm wallowing in self pity I know I am and I can't find any peace I'm so very frightened and ashamed