Thank you lovely ladies for your comments and advice I really appreciate it. I feel so grateful I have my cyber sisters to guide me through this nightmare and it is really a comfort more than anything or anyone else because I know you all have the same thoughts and fears in your head as I do in mine. Pam ..... how is the side effects 5 years on ... do you have these infusions every 3 weeks. I have always been a planner and a routine person I think what I find hard is the not knowing. Currently my wonderful father in law is dying of a brain tumor. Not only is the pain unbearable losing such a great much loved man but the demons get me in the middle of the night and I can't stop thinking will this be me soon. Its like a big black atomic bomb sitting above your head that won't go away and I wish it would. Sigh............. I am just so frightened of the unknown I can't breath properly anymore. I actually thought when my tumor markers dropped into normal range after my 4th infusion and my tumors halved in size and numbers that I could beat this but then when the doctor told me NO treatment will never stop it hit me like a brick. She told me mets mean cancer in other places.... I realised I was dreaming. I read tonight on a site that 50% of her 2 positive cancers go to the brain. That is a terrifying thought!!!!! 5 years on Pam.......... please tell me it gets better than this.!
