Being a Voice

I have had an interesting day - I did a session at the Gawler foundation and Ian had us contemplating our death - the actual dying.  I sobbed all the way through - I still have issues there to deal with quite obviously.  Everyone in the group responded differently - how unique we are.  

I am busy living though and fulfilling dreams and doing crazy things.  I am sad though too as today another from my support group passed away - she had only been to a couple of meetings before becoming very unwell. The third lady since I joined the group early this year.  Another girl I know has been diagnosed with a recurrence and is awaiting scans to see if there are secondaries.  It seems it never ends.  

I am trying to normalise the concept of death in our household so that the children, while they may feel sad about it, will not fear it (as I do) - we had a very interesting dinner discussion this evening and my eldest was in tears but it was a great learning opportunity and a chance for me to reinforce that I am doing everything I can to live well for as long as possible and that my illness is not their fault.  I don't know how long I have - I hope it is a long time.  I hope there is something to keep me going like I am now for a long time.  Who knows what may happen in the meantime.  I have to transform the fear.  

It is interesting that my post resonated with other ABC girls - perhaps I am not so out there in my thoughts - rollercoaster and crazy as they can be.  

Tomorrow I will go to my support group and we will grieve another member, we will support those having a rough time and inspire each other with our zest for life.  That's what we do.

To my husband and children - I could never tell you too much how much I love you (even if I am cranky because you take too long to brush your teeth and put your pjs on - that's the kids not hubby!)

A xx