How do I tell a someone to ease up on the questions, especially when I don't even have the answers myselfIts a close friend so I don't want to hurt her. but it feels like a million and one questions every day.I know this is never going to go away but I would like a day where can at least put it in the background.

"I love you dearly and I truly appreciate your interest, but right now I really don't want to talk about it. I hope you don't mind."or"Do you mind if we don't talk about it anymore? I just want to focus on other things for a bit."It's very challenging isn't it? I hope you can get your friend to back off. K xox

That sounds like a solid observation. I often like to keep in mind that mostly what people say is a reflection of them, not of anyone or anything else, no matter the topic. That's not to be mean or anything. It's just the reality of spending all our time in our own heads!Nonetheless it's tough, especially in your position. If ever you could play the cancer card, now would be a good time.You could always meet her opening question with cheery "No! Not going to talk about cancer today" and instantly hit her with a series of questions about her troubles. Generally speaking we all like to talk about ourselves! K xox

What would you like to do with her @cranky_granny? I truly believe we teach people how to treat us by the way we interact with them. Can you be honest and say you don't feel up to talking about it today, and then maybe plan something you could both do together that would benefit both of you? You say that she is using you as a distraction from her problems? If that's the case, why not suggest both of you taking some time off from your problems and going to the movies/shops/dinner …. just taking some time out to get away from it all and enjoy being friends.Personally, when I want someone to back off I'll resort to giving them "the look" and holding up my fingers in the sign of a cross and saying "back off" (a quiet growl if I know them well). Direct communication works for me :wink:

@cranky_granny. Then there are those who don't ask questions but assume that they know what you are going through. Or, tell you what is going to happen next for you. Or, make it about them.

All great advice thank you all we are having time together on 1st of November so heres hoping we can have that discussion, rather do it face to face. I’ll keep checking in on this post for the words I’ll needall my adult life I’ve been the sounding board for Other peoples troubles even through all of the last 5 difficult years. Maybe because my anxieties weren’t in the open. I don’t want a pity fest i need the practical Support

Back off please | BCNA Online Network

12 Replies

cranky_granny
Member
6 years ago
thanks @kmakm.
I'm usually a very easy going person. I've just managed to say goodnight to her and got a very big suspicion my troubles are a distraction for her at the moment as she has a lot of not nice stuff happening at the moment. But I just don't know how long I can keep saying I Don't Know. and my head hurts when I get off the line to her.
I'm a bit of a crab and hide in the sand, mostly do what I have to and cross each bridge as I come to it.
kmakm
Member
6 years ago
"I love you dearly and I truly appreciate your interest, but right now I really don't want to talk about it. I hope you don't mind."

or

"Do you mind if we don't talk about it anymore? I just want to focus on other things for a bit."

It's very challenging isn't it? I hope you can get your friend to back off. K xox

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Back off please

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