hi sam, everything that the other ladies have said is so very true, I can only hope that you husband just did not realize what he was saying and i am sure that after it was said he wished he could have taken back those words, I have been struggling with this metastatic breast cancer thing for 4 years now, and like you at first it was all flowers and hugs and what can we do, but as time has passed by that has all but stopped, life goes on unfortunately, sorry bad choice of words, and it seems that everyone else is doing there own thing and we seem to live in a world all of our own, there is help available, bcna have the choice of two beautiful and compassionate women who are counsellors who specifically focus on breast cancer, they are available to talk to you in the privacy of your home at a time suitable for you, and perhaps later to talk to your husband, i myself have spoken to carrie lethborg on several occasions and have actually met her at a form she really is someone that i can recommend, my partner does not talk much either about my diagnosis and although very supportive, i am sure there are days when he too gets a little "fedup" with the whole thing, through my Mcgrath breast care nurse and local hospital i have a cleaner twice a month to do all the heavy work, the vacuuming and washing of the floors and all the wet areas, perhaps this is something you could look at, there are services out there for us its just that they are hard to find, ring the cancer council in your state and talk to one of the oncology nurses there, also make a double appointment with your gp and sit down and have a talk about how you feel, as for your family as the other ladies have mentioned its a really hard thing to deal with and i know there are days when i have learned to give myself permission to do nothing, and if i am having a bad day i have a bad day, with all the research going on you could outlive your husband, i know i certainly have no intention of going anywhere for a very long time and if the position were reversed then you would be looking after him, you didnt plan this and i know that i certainly didnt see this in our future, BUT is here and we have to deal with what we are given, as mentioned before the Otis Foundation have holiday homes at no cost to you in most states just google them and see what is available in your state, i have had a holiday with them and it really does give you a bit of a boost plus some real alone time with your husband might be a good thing, we cannot go back in time to when there was no cancer in our lives its here to stay and we all do the best we can,YOU are very precious to your family its just a hard thing for them to deal with and sometimes they just dont know the right words to use so they dont say anything,perhaps you could write some letters when you are ready to let them know how you are feeling,please take care of YOURSELF go out and buy your self something nice or go and have a massage or facial just something for you, i have a massage every month and love it.
We are always here for you to chat to, we UNDERSTAND, we GET IT, please be gentle on yourself and if you have a chance please ring the BCNA 1800 number to arrange a time to talk with someone,
Thinking of you and wishing we could sit down face to face and have a cuppa together,
wendy55
