@kmakm We can’t see clouds changing shape or predict the new shape either. It’s too gradual for the brain’s visual system or whatever to grasp. But we become aware that change has taken place by the time it’s obviously a different cloud shape, right? I reckon this is the same with depression and grief and trauma. The brain just can’t get far enough outside itself to predict or appreciate the new reality ahead. It is stuck and trying to cope with basics! But that doesn’t mean that a new and more positive reality ISN’T possible. You just can’t see it yet. Have to take a huge leap of trust in yourself.
Im having a daily internal battle of I’m dead inside, Oh well there goes my life vs. Damnit I didn’t just survive this thing for nothing! I want to live! So my positivity really wavers. I never get to talk to anyone close anymore either. My friends and even mum change the subject if I talk about pain or sadness. It sucks. A lot. I just become detached and spend all my time with dogs and any distraction that gets me through the day! I do think my annoying stubborn anger at being sick is an amazing motivator, that keeps me fighting and in perspective and positive when all else fails. I am so competitive that no matter how depressed I get, the outrage of losing to it just drives me on blindly.
I just wanted to say that I couldnt agree more with this raw and honest response. The interesting thing is besides our commonality of Breast Cancer here, nobody knows the individual struggles or challenges of anyones lives. Nor does one diminish another. I know the depths of depression and have a child who suffers from it. Its insidious! it's also a process, depression, grief and trauma all require not positivity that's not what shifts it, but rather vulnerability and personal depth of honesty to be brave with your thoughts...to let them sit there acknowledge them and then let them go. It's a difficult road absolutely....slow and steady. I do know personally that it absolutely in time can shift and change....xx
