Life after breast cancer
this may be my first post on this sight...if I have posted it was a long time ago.. lets face it I can't remember my address some days so how and why would I stress about when I last posted. ??.. I love to blog and find it very therapeutic.....this is how it goes...no grammar or spell check...I write as I think.....which may be a challenge for new comers to my blogs.....but stick with it ladies.....you may even get a chuckle......Even before breast cancer I was a blogger....most were humorous…
..So here we are in October.....Breast Cancer Awareness Month and Mental Health Month... hold that thought
....I am sure there are other woman in the group who will be able to identify with my thoughts...
as it is also Mental Health Awareness Month I would like to share that I was diagnosed with endogenous #depression in my early 20's..it runs in most of our family.....I an never ashamed to discuss this condition because... it is what it is...an illness just like hypertension....I never forget seeing a local physician for an unrelated medical condition....Conversation went like this.....Good morning......he knew me from work...yes that's correct I am a nurse ..he read thru my medial history...looked up at me and said ...YOU..I would never have guessed you have #depression..You are so organised. Capable….and on he went.....I just smiled :) ...he suddenly stopped and began to apologise profusely.....
so I am getting off track but that's just what I do in my blogs..... breast cancer brings us all so many challenges... for me the mental health issues have been far more challenging....
I am fortunate to have an amazing multi disciplinary health care team.....I can network and navigate our some what challenging health care system ….BCNA help line have been an amazing support for me...our local hospital breast care nurses have been my life line..
.2 months ago I was waving good bye to PINK and moving on with life......well it appears to be a wee bit hard than I anticipated.. I am going to now share a blog I wrote to describe how I am feeling about life after breast cancer.....this one is not a funny one.
I am 55 years old and yes I had breast cancer. Had the gold standard evidence based treatment..right mastectomy and R/O lymph node … micro met in one just one node. Followed by chemotherapy with very few problems. Then radiotherapy….. and add in tamoxifen for 10 years orally . A reconstruction which unfortunately failed. But that’s OK .
The physical scars remain. I have the “all clear “….so why am not jumping over the moon….which is truly fabulous. I had and still have an amazing multidisciplinary team of carers from day one and will be forever grateful for their dedicated and compassion and ongoing care.
So let’s just get on with life I thought. Cancers gone….. Ripper…. So much to do. Sooo much to live for…. I took time of my nursing career for 2 years while undergoing treatment. Was so keen to get back to work. And I did.
Let’s just pause here. Now the struggle really began. Diagnosis and treatment was a “walk in the park “ compared to life after cancer ….
I sit at my laptop today and feel the need to share just what life after cancer has been like for me… I respect that we are all different and have different experiences, family situations and other medical conditions. I will be mindful of that in my narration.
I love to blog and tend to write just as I think! …now for those who know me well that’s fine….my mine is organized chaos’s …always has been..But please not the word ORGANIZED….I have achieved so very much with this organized chaotic mind of mind…
So hold on to your seat for a story of just how different life is for me now…….
I am the eternal optimist and joked my way through chemotherapy. Just do it I would say... I referred to radiotherapy as “deep frying “ and spent time in the waiting room entertaining other patients looking for Pokémon’s…
Was heavily involved in fund raising for The Mother’s Day Classic , The Biggest Morning Tea and became an Ambassador for Reclaim Your Curves……I never stopped…until now…
Back to work….I was fully supported by my peers. Everyone commented on how well I looked. My hair had grown back with soft grey curls…I was slimmer and felt I could conquer the world. I had beat caner. Bring it on….the first month or so I slowly settled into the routine…things took a bit longer. But that’s OK...no rush…sticky notes where always my life line…..NUM and ANUM’s will get this…now my desk and computer screen where covered in them…..
When the alarm went off at 0600hrs..I used to wake after a good night’s sleep... now I did not need an alarm. Solid sleep was a thing of the past. After chemo I never slept soundly again….but that’s OK..Lucky to be alive…
Off to work with maybe 2 hours of broken sleep…plenty of other nurses got up to their little ones during the night..stop your winging I would think….
I was 53 when I commenced chemo …I was still getting a regular period..it took 2 chemo cycles and that was it ..hooray....periods gone..done and dusted….never again….one morning I woke awoke with a slap in the face..” Hi, my name is menopause. I generally creep up on you but you got LUCKY..cheom induced menopause hits you full on. No need for an introduction….I come bearing many gifts….if you ever wanted to go to the tropics..no need. I guarantee you can stay in the comfort of your home and the tropics will come to you…hot sweats morning noon and night….
Mood swings..ah my favorite…..so you are up and down like a yo yo..add in the side effect of my friend tamoxifen..which include depression, joint pain increased risk of uterine cancer, disturbed sleep patterns….winner winner chicken dinner…life doesn’t get much better…..
So picture this…return to work..in charge of a busy 60 bed amazing Aged Care Facility….no sleep last night..but that’s OK…..a few really sick residents….think quick Sister… you got this….and you do….but you get home and collapse..exhausted……it takes just so mush concentration through the chemo fog to think clearly…articulate effectively and keep “your finger on the pulse “……
Exercise has always been my salvation..my time…my life line… I started running again but just fatigued so quickly….could not exercise on the days I worked as it was just too much…… maybe gym..great idea…I had a program made up by an amazing personal trainer but she had no idea about a failed let dorsi reconstruction with on going pain…swelling ….. so I started to looking for a holistic approach..my mind body and soul is exhausted…..
Maybe Pilates….great let’s do it…did one session...it would be ideal for this chickie…oh did I mention I now have osteoporosis curiosity of chemo meds…cancer is the gift that just keeps on giving….
Let’s just discuss the cost of being sick !!!!....we have been fortunate to muddle thru and meet the bills…but how does a young working mother with children at school manage… in rural Victoria we don't have what the city can offer …don’t get me wrong….BCNA offer so very much which is free and amazing….. I have tapped into them often…..our local breast care nurses…, my GP and dear friends and family have been amazing…
But how does your average Jo Blow manage. I can network…. have contacts and understand our complex medical system…
Ok all over the shop here…but I did warn you…
So where am I now….3 years down the track…..I did start a new job which involved retraining and I said pet I said love this old brain worked so bloody hard to grasp the new info….I did it and managed 18 months…for the first time in my professional life I began to second guess myself….that was enough for me to exit…I am an amazing RN Div 1 who has an excellent track record…..nursing for me is a vocation…
With a heavy heart I will consider resigning or re-inventing myself….
I have started a linked in profile and will finally relax. Take a long deserved rest…..find the new normal whatever that may be…..dance with my Jack Russell – Charlie just because I can….spend time with my daughter who has just brought her first home with her “boyfriend”..showing my age now !!.....spend time with my hubby who I like to call Dad….who has cardiomyopathy…. recently diagnosed…and now has a whiz bang defibrillator pace maker…so he has a battery in his bum to manage his chronic back pain and one in his heart to keep it ticking….
The most exciting revelation is ….ITS MY TIME NOW…the garden needs a dam good tidy…kitchen cupboards are the originals ..so with the aid of Pinterest I will repaint them….I have finally found an amazing company called PINC &STEEL who offer rehab for people who have had cancer and have my first consult next week…google them…..just amazing what they do….
Might even book me a girlie holiday…never been away with a girlfriend…..yep ..adding that to the do list…..
So screw you cancer…when I started this blog a few weeks ago I was in a dark place….I was struggling to keep my head above water…….so I just went with it and finally began to grieve for all that cancer took from me…..and the recent loss of my dear mum…..and hubbies s life threatening cardiac condition…and loss of my new job….ya ya ya and that’s enough
I am just starting to find my mo jo again……nothing is impossible….you can achieve anything in life…never ever give up….we all have hurdles in life…..it’s about how we jump those hurdles….who is there to pick us up when we stumble that makes all the difference……
Life is all about choices
……I choose to live……
