Forum Discussion
Who me ?
"Come back for another scan, there's a grey area"
That was just over 4 weeks ago, and I thought "who, me ?" I was so sure it was just a bruise from when I had fallen some weeks before, and then they started scanning in a different spot . . .
*It's very small" "we've caught it early " "you'll be fine"
There's a little part of my head that just won't let me believe those things right now.
I have a wonderful surgeon who has done the wide excision and the sentinel node biopsy (results next Tuesday) and a fabulous support network including my family, my collegues at work and my old Nursing Mothers group - we've been friends forever, nearly 30 years, and their love is astounding.
I am talking positively to myself every day, filling myself with good thoughts, moving forward. Everything so far has been very smooth, and fast. But that fear of the unknown is inescapable in the middle of the night - what if it is already somewhere else ? Is my slightly upset tummy just nerves, or something sinister ? How do I know that my aching legs are just menopausal ? How will I stop myself from bombarding my doctor wih requests for cancer scans on every part of my body ?
How do you cope with that ? Can anyone offer any thoughts ?
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It's SO much easier than chemo. Seems to take only a few seconds. And the therapist yesterday told me that I shouldn't have too much trouble with my skin as it's smooth and there are no folds where the beams go. That's good.
I think Arimidex is keeping my tummy gurgling though. It hasn't really settled since chemo finished and I read that Arimidex can cause upsets. Great - 5 years before it's ordinary again. Oh well, it could be worse.
I have started to wrry again about metastises. Silly I know, but I'm really fretting about how I will know whether I have any. I spose it;s because a few poeple I know have died recently after a very short time and I'm just anxious.
How do you deal with that ? How do you know when a pain is just a pain, or when should you go and ask about it ? I do NOT want to spend my life having checkups and worrying myself for no reason, but I don't want to find that something I thought was nothing turns about to be serious and too late. Oh crap, why isn't this getting easier.
magicmum