Who me ?

Chemo #6 - last one - coming up on Tuesday. A few weeks wait and then chemo.

Why am I not happy, excited ? No idea. So tired, so lacking in any motivation, don't want to do anything at all. Getting back to the early fears and worries about "what if". I don't know how to handle this right now. Lost all my courage, positivity. Is that just exhaustion ? Will it come back ?

I don't want to do this anymore.

magicmum

Doc appt today - my gated heart scan was good ! That's a relief. Bloods not so much - liver and kidney results not the best but nothing to worry about yet she tells me. Also anaemic. Have been advised to take magnesium as that is also very low.

Nothing to be done for the watery eyes - use drops if they're irritated. *sigh*

Anaemia will be contributing to the tiredness, that's all I needed.

Oh well , after tomorrow I will have only 1 left of the full chemo. Then finish out the year with Herceptin. I hope to be able to have my radiation done before xmas. Timeframe is tight but I'd LOVE to start 2012 with all that behind me.

Better get to bed although not sleeping well at the moment. How is that fair when you are SO tired !!

my best wishes to everyone on this trip.

magicmum

Does anyone else suffer from really watery eyes ? It's been like this for a week ormore now, driving me crazy. Blurry and just weeping. I read somewhere that it's Herceptin that does it - which is crap cos I'm on that for a whole year !

Any suggestions would be a help.

Feeling low today as well, you know, one of those down days where your whole positive attitude just goes down the gurgler. I've tried thinking "up" but I can't. Done nothing, just sat around watching telly.  Hope it goes tomorrow, I don'tike this at all.

magicmum

I've just had a turn at crap side effects after chemo no 4. My apologies to everyone who copes with this all the time, I've been spared before.

SOOOOO tired I could barely move, how is it possible when you tell your arm to lift that it doesn't ? Couldn't eat, drink, nauseous, heartburn. 4 days. Guessing this will be repeated after no 5 and no 6, yayy can hardly wait.

BUT I can't complain really as it's been so little. I can do it, I'll make it through.

I only have to read the blogs of others who are doing it way tougher than me. I salute you. I have NO idea where you get the strength.

magicmum

I can't shake the creepy thoughts today. My mind keeps on wondering how will I know if I have a brain tumour ? I'm doing so well it's silly really, except I know it's a possibility. Her2+ recurrence riskier and brain metastases are the ones to worry about cos Herceptin doesn't protect the brain.

Have to ask the doc next time, it's really doing my head in.

magicmum

I can't shake the creepy thoughts today. My mind keeps on wondering how will I know if I have a brain tumour ? I'm doing so well it's silly really, except I know it's a possibility. Her2+ recurrence riskier and brain metastases are the ones to worry about cos Herceptin doesn't protect the brain.

Have to ask the doc next time, it's really doing my head in.

magicmum

I have absolutely no energy today. Just keep on falling asleep. It's doing my head in. 3 days out of chemo ? Is that normal ? I don't remember it being this bad last cycle, does it cumulate ?

I shouldn't grumble, I'm doing OK. Bloods are good. Headaches have been reduced. I should be thrilled.

Trying to work tonight - prob a mistake but I need the income. Lucky I can just sit in my office and crash !

magicmum

Chemo #3 down and now I'm on the downside of this part of the trip. It feels good.

Same reaction as before on the day - none ! Feeling a wee bit tired this evening but I'm expecting that. I had a companion at the unit today that my sister knew (my sister was my ice buddy today) and this lady has all sorts of cancer, terminal, she's just having treatment to slow it down a bit so she can settle her life. Only 45. I felt sad, and slightly guilty for being as lucky as I am.

I know I have a lifelong journey ahead but right now I'm ok - I just have to be watched and be ready.

I hope all your "trips" are going as well as can be expected at the moment.

Tonight is a thinking night.

magicmum

Good advice - I am taking echinacea/vit C/zinc tablets which can't hurt.Love the sound of the garlic bread with soup, have to try that.

Yes, man flu ! I know he's unwell but he thinks he's dying ! I told him he can't die yet cos I wouldn't be able to manage without him and besides I don't get a pension for another 6 years and his super won't last me long enough !!!! That made him feel all warm fuzzy and loved , haha.

Good news is that my tummy has begun to work again - so that's the GLAD for today.

magicmum

O no - not Man Flu!!?  Luckily it only affects men in a life threatening manner - ha ha. I have found that the best way to head off a cold/flu bug is to hit up the Vitamin C and Echinacea but of course we are not in a normal situation so hopefully your GP will dose you up with something quick and seriously effective. Good luck with that! How's your skill with chicken soup? We like to rub a fresh garlic clove on to hot toast - it melts straight in and makes for a really strong garlic hit with your soup - the bonus is you wont have to worry about stinky breath with your husband sleeping on the couch ;-)

Look after yourself. O and I agree - a meeting on the other side of all this would be great! I was tempted to go to the convention in Sydney but I will be in the middle of my radiation treatment and unable to get away...