Forum Discussion
magicmum
14 years agoMember
Who me ?
"Come back for another scan, there's a grey area"
That was just over 4 weeks ago, and I thought "who, me ?" I was so sure it was just a bruise from when I had fallen some weeks before, and then they started scanning in a different spot . . .
*It's very small" "we've caught it early " "you'll be fine"
There's a little part of my head that just won't let me believe those things right now.
I have a wonderful surgeon who has done the wide excision and the sentinel node biopsy (results next Tuesday) and a fabulous support network including my family, my collegues at work and my old Nursing Mothers group - we've been friends forever, nearly 30 years, and their love is astounding.
I am talking positively to myself every day, filling myself with good thoughts, moving forward. Everything so far has been very smooth, and fast. But that fear of the unknown is inescapable in the middle of the night - what if it is already somewhere else ? Is my slightly upset tummy just nerves, or something sinister ? How do I know that my aching legs are just menopausal ? How will I stop myself from bombarding my doctor wih requests for cancer scans on every part of my body ?
How do you cope with that ? Can anyone offer any thoughts ?
120 Replies
- chipmunkMemberHi Magicmum You look fabulous. It suits you heaps. Mine is still sitting in it's stand, not used yet. I just can't find he courage to wear it yet. And besides having shingles the other week on my head was a definite no no to wig or any hats etc.... Great to hear that you are doing a few hours of work. Me to, I do about 15-20 hours a week. Body can't do much more than that at the moment. Anyway , take care a and keep us posted. Love Julie xx
- magicmumMember
My husband has promised to take another one in daylight - with a smile ! I always manage to look grim in pics :P That was taken after work the first time I wore it.
I know what you mean about the "tight" feeling. I can only do it for about 3 hrs. Rest of the time my lovely hats are just comfy and fine. My friend who promised to make me some stylish ones is still procrastinating !! But hopefully I will have a good range soon.
I have one lovelysoft woollen one I prefer at home, so cosy. Actually looks a bit like a tea cosy but I don't care!!!
I amlucky in that I can go towork or not as I choose - it's casual - and I quite enjoy it, makes the time pass. Been feeling very tired after this second cycle, sleeping heaps, so I spose that's good.
Take special care of yourself.
magicmum
- magicmumMember
My husband has promised to take another one in daylight - with a smile ! I always manage to look grim in pics :P That was taken after work the first time I wore it.
I know what you mean about the "tight" feeling. I can only do it for about 3 hrs. Rest of the time my lovely hats are just comfy and fine. My friend who promised to make me some stylish ones is still procrastinating !! But hopefully I will have a good range soon.
I have one lovelysoft woollen one I prefer at home, so cosy. Actually looks a bit like a tea cosy but I don't care!!!
I amlucky in that I can go towork or not as I choose - it's casual - and I quite enjoy it, makes the time pass. Been feeling very tired after this second cycle, sleeping heaps, so I spose that's good.
Take special care of yourself.
magicmum
- LisaGMember
Hi Keitha
The wig looks great but there is one thing missing - your beautiful smile! Maybe you need to post a fresh pic ;-) It looks great. I wear "Coco" only when i really need to and have limited it to a couple of hours at most just to start with as I find it a little tight on my head - its probably not as tight as I imagine but I still have bristles on the back of my neck that tend to prickle when I turn my head around. I do feel self concious, too but all my friends tell me they would never have known if I hadnt told them. They are used to me changing my hair colour and style on a regular basis.
I found a cute little soft wool beanie at the clinic the other day. They are made and donated by a group called "Grannies in stitches". I found one in my favourite colours and that is my preference most of the time. I call that one "fluffy". When I am at home I go "au naturale" - its much warmer here than you're end of Australia :-) Good on you for still making it to work - you are inspirational! I cant even contemplate the idea of dealing with all this and going to work just yet.... Well done!
- LisaGMember
Hi Keitha
The wig looks great but there is one thing missing - your beautiful smile! Maybe you need to post a fresh pic ;-) It looks great. I wear "Coco" only when i really need to and have limited it to a couple of hours at most just to start with as I find it a little tight on my head - its probably not as tight as I imagine but I still have bristles on the back of my neck that tend to prickle when I turn my head around. I do feel self concious, too but all my friends tell me they would never have known if I hadnt told them. They are used to me changing my hair colour and style on a regular basis.
I found a cute little soft wool beanie at the clinic the other day. They are made and donated by a group called "Grannies in stitches". I found one in my favourite colours and that is my preference most of the time. I call that one "fluffy". When I am at home I go "au naturale" - its much warmer here than you're end of Australia :-) Good on you for still making it to work - you are inspirational! I cant even contemplate the idea of dealing with all this and going to work just yet.... Well done!
- magicmumMember
What do you think of my new do ? I wore it for the first time to work last night and today,and everyone made very positive comments. None of the patrons looked sideways at me so I'm guessing it must look natural enough. I spose it'sonly cos I know it;s not real - makes me self conscious.
Anyway I'm only wearing it for work - it feels weird and a little claustrophobic. Hats will be fine most of the time.
magicmum
- magicmumMember
Today was OK again. No reactions to the infusion - yayy! And the lady opposite me came to ask where I had got my lovely hat, which was given to me by a friend who bought it in Paris - yes, France - but thought it didn;t really suit her. It's purple and quite unusual. I am determined to have interesting hats.
I am having my wig customised on Thursday - I have to work that evening so I plan to look fabulous. I reckon I'll save it for work, I am quite enjoying the hats during the day. There are so many more around these days so it's not feeling odd at all. And certainly keeps my head warm in this cold Tassie winter.
Here's hoping this round doesn't end up with mulitple migraines and the god-awful heartburn. I am taking slippery elm (thanks girls) and also Somac as a preventer for indigestion. And I'm trialling an AD for migraine prophylaxis. You never know. One of the side effects is drowsiness, and you take it at night so YES PLEASE, any sleep help will be great.
Will try to get a wig and a hat pic to post asap so you can let me know how it looks.
magicmum
- magicmumMember
Indeed , you are quite right. I am not my hair and I hope that others will be able to see past whatever I happen to have on my head on any given day, and that I'm still ME.
I suspect mine will be totally white when it comes back, I'm very grey now but I've always had foils in a range of mixed shades. It will be quite an experiment to see how I look without the colour and then start from a plain base as it were !
Look on the bright side, thanks Trina !!
magicmum
- justtrinaMember
Hi Keitha
Congratulations on Look Good.. Feel Good... and well.. the hair
I lost my hair many moons ago.. and to be quite honest I really don't miss it all that much... as women we place so much emphasis on our hair that sometimes I think we forget who we really are... my hair is starting to grow back now and early indications are that it will be white (I'm only 46) and I really don't care... my energies are focused on getting better.....
As you said... there's no point in being anxious.. it's all part of 'the journey'..
take care
Trina
- magicmumMember
One of those I'm awake and the thoughts won't go away mornings .
I will ask the doc when I see her next, but can any of you tell me when, or if, you stop thinking "is it going to come back ?" Theoretically I have nothing right now. Chemo and herceptin are insurance policies against possibles in the future - but that means there IS a possible. And I can't shake it, I can't make it go away. Driving me crazy. I imagine every twinge, every tummy rumble, every headache - is something awful.
Dumb as eh ? Haven't even finished treatment.
Just focus, concentrate on the NOW.
Sometimes it's too hard.
Keitha