Forum Discussion
K_LeeB
4 years agoMember
The things that people say....
"I know just how you feel. My friend has been through that".
"You're lucky. Cancer will probably make you lose weight".
"Oh. Breast cancer? My mother inlaw died of that".
"I wish I had the chance of seeing how my hair looks when it's short like you do".
"If you need help, call me anytime. Just not on Tuesdays, Thursdays or Fridays between 10 and 3, and I'm not usually around on weekends".
"You're lucky. Cancer will probably make you lose weight".
"Oh. Breast cancer? My mother inlaw died of that".
"I wish I had the chance of seeing how my hair looks when it's short like you do".
"If you need help, call me anytime. Just not on Tuesdays, Thursdays or Fridays between 10 and 3, and I'm not usually around on weekends".
39 Replies
- patdugMember@Keeping_positive1.. Thankyou for posting! I am astounded at the insensitivity of her 'friend' Astounded! @Afraser, as usual you nailed it in the summation of this person..... I felt so many emotions rise up during the telling of this unfortunate story - anger (not helpful I know!) and a sort of helplessness this lovely breast cancer thriver would have felt....there are no words in this situation...I am SO glad though she held her own and was adamant her husband knew 'who she was/is' pre and post cancer and that their relationship was as intimately positive, fulfilling and solid prior and post diagnosis and surgery .... This situation cuts at the heart of the intimate relationships we have with our partners...which are ultimately SO private anyway and not gossip fodder and topics for guests at dinner parties.. Our struggle is firstly for us to accept our new bodily form and looking in the mirror can be confronting, and equally so for our husbands and partners...I feel lucky in that my husband was so lovely and kind in this way..(he's not that way all the time! feel reassured! LOL!😊) Still laughing from Urzila...what a great execution, hey, of this very sensitive topic!! Merry Christmas you guys!
- AfraserMemberHmmm. Interesting. Her new friend has the tact of a falling brick and the timing of a ham actor, but most partners are going to see us sans bra, sans negligee, sans everything at some time. Personally, I found that a huge relief! But not dinner chit chat!
patdug here is another video........
What not to say- patdugMember@Keeping_positive1.....Absolutely hilarious....and so cleverly delivered by Urzila...she's a comedic professional....I was laughing out loud as I hadn't seen it before...and 2 years down the track I (luckily) had some space in my recovery journey to appreciate it for what it is wanting to achieve - understanding and tolerance and sensitivity to our collective plights with BC!
Like many on here I have been through the whole nine yards - everything that could present itself during treatment, did! But I survived and haven't lost my sense of humour...thankfully...I too have endured MANY thoughtless, inappropriate and insensitive comments (from family too!! go figure! ) ...which in all seriousness can bring you down...so I have great compassion and understanding for those on this thread that are feeling the effects of insensitive comments...chin up we'll get through it...
I just loved that this video was shared as it gets the message across in a creative and clever way to people to 'think before they speak' Thank you for sharing it...I really needed a good laugh as like many have been ruminating in my thoughts this morning and needed a lift! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU - A GREAT BUNCH OF HUMAN BEINGS!
P.S. I'm going back to play it again ! LOL!😉😉🎁🎁 - Annie_CMember@K_LeeB, it is now four years since my "can can dance" with cancer and the helpful comments still smart.There were many.The comment that floored me came from a Bank Johnny. I live in a small town of less than 3,000 people. Mixed population of roughly 50 / 50 Australian / other cultures and Aboriginal. We are pretty cohesive and obviously know each other, particularly those of us who have been here three decades.There are very few secrets. It is hard to keep anything secret in a very small town especially when many flight trips and weeks away are made to a major city, some 2,300 kms down south, for treatment.Anyway, background out of the way, between trips down south I had a need to visit our local bank. New bank teller, a lady somewhere in her 50's (ish), the wife of a prison guard (they come - they go).In front of every one lined up she says to me"Oh, you're .......... with the breast cancer. My neighbour had breast cancer. She drank Aboriginal Tea. Cured her."It floored me. As I walked out of the door, blinking back tears (the whole experience was still raw), one of my Aboriginal friends said to me,"What's Aboriginal Tea?"I replied, "Unsure, I thought you would know".Bushells, anyone?
- @K_LeeB If only you had known earlier how unbearable it was for that person to look at you, you could have drawn some eyebrows on and made the experience more pleasant for that person. Us cancer patients are so self centred. :)
- FLCloverMemberOmg @K_LeeB!!! 😧😧😧 that one’s an absolute shocker!!!! I wouldn’t hold my tongue on that one. I’d tell that person that what they said was really out of line, and to avoid speaking to me in future about anything cancer related 🤨🤨🤨. That’s just not on!!!
- @K_LeeB people that make it all about them are the worst. On way my to my first session of chemo my support relative who asked to drive me there, was feeling I was keeping her at a distance, so I said yes, knowing she probably she would be so anxious and unable to cope. Says to me in the car on the way there, sorry I don't think I will be able to handle watching you have chemo so I might have to leave the room. Lol, as if I wasn't already mustering up the courage to sit in that chemo chair. I had quite a few disappointing episodes of people not being able to handle what I was going through, and I felt I was holding them up for the most part. It was a rather lonely experience overall for me.
- arpieMemberThat's disgusting @K_LeeB :( ... sadly many people don't put their brain 'in gear' before engaging their mouth!
Luckily, most of us are still able to have a laugh and actually we NEED a laugh - as a valuable 'release tool' to help us get thru this shit. We've got a couple of good 'funny post' threads (put Friday Funnies into the search area of the Discussions .... even a Xmas Funnies one too!) - to give us a really good belly laugh! We've also got a 'naughty but funny' one too - where pretty well anything can be put up as there is a warning that some may be offensive ....
It was a travel agent who sent me a list of stuff I needed to do to 'get better' - so basically, a complete stranger (I'd never met her face to face.)
I'd only told her, as I had travel plans 4 months after my diagnosis & I wasn't sure I'd be able to 'go' .... and she sent me a 2 page diatribe on what I should and shouldn't be eating, drinking & doing! Which I thought was really CRASS! Needless to say, I haven't 'used' her since!
Take care, keep smiling xx - K_LeeBMemberHi team,
Thanks for your comments, they've made me feel not so alone. I especially loved the bingo @arpie. I've had most of them said to me as I'm sure you all have.
I wouldn't want even the most insensitive person to go through what we've been through. We're really very amazing at what we can physically and emotionally handle and especially how we hold our tongues (mostly) when people say dumb things.
Have a good day everyone.