I feel like Ive won the lottery!!

What scares me senseless about going to chemo is sitting in a room with a bunch of other people all hooked up to horrible drugs.  I just cannot find it in me to find comfort in numbers in that situation.  I don't want to be in a room with a group of elderly dying people.  I don't want my mother to be there because she will tell me to get over myself.  I need someone who knows what I'm going through and has a bit of sympathy without making out as if I'm going to die. (I'm not btw)  I'm still in tears this morning.  That stupid receptionist.  It isn't the doctors so much, my surgeon is pleasant and will answer questions, my very understanding GP is just wonderful, it is the administration staff who haven't got the first clue how to relate to people who are very ill.  I mean, we don't have the flu, we have cancer, a life threatening illness.  This is my second cancer.  I had colon cancer when I was 22.  I didn't undergo any chemo or radiation for that.  I have told one radiologist off.  I was sitting in the main waiting room with my mother having a conversation and he came and called me, took me down a hall and said sit in this waiting room I'll be with you in a minute.  Turned into 15 and I took myself back to the main waiting room.  10 minutes later he came out and asked why I was there.  Did I let him have it (specially after the hospital fiasco and this was only days later).

Seriously, I am not worried about hair or about not having two breasts.  I've never been vain enough to worry about what I look like one bit.  I'm not overly concerned with chemo drugs either.  What I AM worried about is not finishing my degree that I've busted my arse to complete while working full time at the same time.  I'd been invited by the university to do honours next year.  That is the biggest compliment I've ever had and I'm very serious about that.  Now it seems to be going south bit by bit by bit.  I don't know if I can do rounds and rounds of chemo and still have my wits about me to go to uni and study and attain first class honours (80%)  Stupid medical people do not understand that the disease and the drugs are so far down my list of importance as to be ridiculous.  Sensitivity to me, my life, my capabilities is far, far more important than getting the cancer out and stuffing me full of drugs in the hope that it won't come back. 

Thanks for sympathising with me Christine.  Thank god there are women like you out there.  I don't want to go to Cancer Forums really, sorry they aren't my thing unless I'm there in a journalistic capacity.  I am studying journalism.  I will have a lot to say in the future about breast cancer and treatment of women undergoing surgery and post operative treatment.  I can't now of course because I would be seen to be being biased and irrational.  I am however storing it all in my vast memory for future reference.

I don't even know what they are going to give me and I'm not going to worry about it until it happens.  First things first.  My treatment so far is all back to front.  One surgeon wanted to do chemo first, CT scan, bone scan, then surgery.  The surgeon that I chose said no way I'm playing with a tumour of that size, I'm cutting the breast off now and we will look at other problems after that.  Hence why I am just going for scans this week coming.

Jodie, I read the positive ones because they give me hope and encouragement.  Stay positive.  I'm going to phone the Cancer Council on Monday and find out about wigs.  I'll let you know what I learn.  My breast care nurse advised me to get a wig made before my hair falls out.

Cas

This is what I'm wanting to hear Peggy Sue.  Thank you.  I can do tired, I can do pain but I hate the tedium of nausea.  I'll take whatever they suggest for anti nausea.  I used to wake up from anaesthetics and vomit for hours.  Now I tell them before anaesthesia and they give me something for it.  I wake up and just feel thirsty.  Hopefully you won't feel sick Jodie.  I'm quite able to tell my body what to do (except for not producing cancer) so I'm teaching it now to not feel sick after chemo.

Cas

As I look back to the beginning of chemo, I will admit to cravings, I drank lots of ginger beer, and really craved cinnamon donunts....I would get hubby to get them, I would break them up and eat little bits.  Noiw i know that both of these things were not really good for me, but my wonderful breast care nurse, siad to me, take this time for yourself, and it you want those things, have them. You will get back, to your usual diet in good time.  Although I always ate healthy foods, I am much more conscious about it now. My philsophy was expect the worse, and  I was surprised that it was not as bad, as I had imagined.  I had my routine before and after chemo.

Radiation for 6 weeks, I did get red and sore towards the end, but with some great Gel o net (dressings) that cleared up quickly.  Now on arimidex.for the next 5 years. Again not quite what I imagined, only a pain having to go every day, and getting that special  arm up above my head..

Time will pass quickly, and you will be here reasurring another newly dianosed lady.