Five Years On

So, this Wednesday will be five years since I was diagnosed with cancer. It seems amazing that so much time has passed but it also seems like it has been a lot longer than that. I feel like I can barely remember the time before.

I have one more monthly injection to go for the clinical trial I am on. It is a bit scary to think of finishing it as we don't know if my period will come back and what will happen. Then I am still on Tamoxifen until next April and then they will decide if I should do another 5 years on it or another similar drug. I would prefer not to do another 5 years but I guess we'll see what they think is best.

At counselling last week the counsellor asked what was the most challenging aspect about the cancer and I said that it was the not knowing what was going to happen. I meant things back at the beginning like wondering what chemo was going to like, and what the mastectomy was going to be like but I guess that's what we are getting back to now with some of the treatment ending. There hasn't been anything new to worry about for a few years but now things are going to change so there's a new worry. 

The counsellor also asked what had a learnt due to having cancer and I said I had learnt that people can cope with things that they wouldn't have thought could cope with. She really liked that answer. She said I should make a poster of that to remind myself.

She also asked what was the best thing about having cancer. That might not have been the actual word she used but that was what she meant. I said that I had enjoyed the actual chemo visits themselves. My sister went with me and we had fun doing the crossword and joking with the nurses. I don't really get to just hang out with her often, it's more when we do something in particular so I liked being stuck together all day doing nothing in particular.

I often feel like I want to have a debrief after going to counselling. It is a bit annoying because I go to talk to her about stuff I don't want to talk to other people about but then I wish I had someone to discuss the counselling itself with.

Anyway, a basic summing up of where I am now, is that I am largely in a good place. Five years ago the five years to get to now seemed like forever but I'm nearly there. But nothing momentous is going to happen when I get to my five years. One thing that helped me at the start was how life kept going - I got cancer but normal life kept going around me. And now I am reaching this milestone and still normal life goes on around me.

I feel like I should get a certificate or something. Maybe I'll make one for myself!