Good morning lovelies....I’m feeling really flat...burnt boobie from rads...unsupportive family which I think is the main issue here...I lost my shit with my family last week and haven’t heard from them, my mum is been indifferent towards me, which I find really hurtful. I’ve kept a smiley face on because if I cried I was been silly. I’m trying to get this business off the ground...no that’s great if you need any help sing out. My mum never asks how are you, how did you go at doctors, but will show concern for my sister who’s adult children take advantage of her. My mum had some Reno’s done whilst I was having chemo and sick as a dog, but made the comment that where have I disappeared to when she needed help. I’m not sure I want to go to my sisters for Xmas...but then I’m thinking how will my daughter feel about if we don’t go...I sometimes feel I’m better off without them in my life as I’ve kept my distance from them before and felt really good. Can anyone offer any advice? thank you xx

Tell them all to piss off.You have enough on your plate without dealing with what sounds like a bunch of narcissistic cows. Make yourself unavailable, let them chase you. Or not. Which is telling in itself.Do you what you feel like doing over Xmas. It's a shit of a time of year if you are feeling at all vulnerable so treat it like any other threat to your well-being and look after yourself. If your daughter, sister, mother, great aunt or next door neighbour doesn't like it, too bad.I'm going to sit in the river and eat prawns, not because it's Xmas, but because any opportunity to spoil myself should be taken advantage of. Put yourself first for a while and be as silly as you like. Marg xxx

You didn't lose a friend @mollygirl you lost an attachment. Which you can probably do without.I'll bet someone quietly steps into that gap in your life while you are not even watching. Cancer is funny like that; it's a foul wind, but it does blow away a shitload of chaff. What is left at the end is worth keeping. Marg xx

I think you should go eat prawns with @zoffiel in the river that sounds beautiful. I have learnt through all this you find out who you true friends and family are and fuck all the others blood or not I say. Margie xx

Yes I agree with others just do what you want for Xmas day. Im sure your daughter will just want you to be happy. Sounds like your family have always been selfish and difficult and your need for support at the moment has just magnified the hurt for you. Im sure they love you, but not in the way you want to be loved.I spent 20 years of my life with a selfish husband desperately trying to make him see, studying all kinds of books to understand, hurting, wishing, hoping, analysing, going over an over all the pain, reaching out for things he was incapable of giving. The day I walked out I was terrified I would not survive. 13 years later I'm soaring and he is still the same miserable b@#$%^ he always was. My new partner comes from a very similar background. He was once told by a counsellor, you cant change any one else, you can only change the way you react to them. We have both found this very useful. We refuse to give toxic people the reactions they are looking for. We have stopped trying to get insensitive people to become sensitive. We have stopped playing into their dramas. We regretfully accept that it isnt personal, its not us, its them. We nurture ourselves and this means we are less dependant on the approval of others. We have found new places to get the love and support we need. This is a good place to start.Its your family, I know its different. But just know some people arent able to give only to take. Its not you. xxxxAnd get some lovely soothing cream on that poor burnt boob. I didnt have rads so I havent experienced this but I did feel sad and sorry after mastectomy, expander and implant this year. Cry if you need to, then one day soon you wont need to cry any more. Its not silly, Its ok. xxxxxx

I don't know how old your daughter is, but a simple explanation that you would rather spend Christmas with her may suffice. If keeping a distance makes you feel good, then you know the answer. Christmas really doesn't change the matter, just throws a whole lot of crazy assumptions and expectations on it. Now more than ever, do what makes you feel good and harms no-one (whatever they may say!).

Feeling flat | BCNA Online Network

45 Replies

Caseypinto
Member
8 years ago
I agree with all these wonderful comments! Do what YOU want to do! My mother sounds like she is related to your mother.... hasn't been to visit me once.... doesn't want to know... tells me how when she went through this no one was there for her.... did she have breast cancer? No! She had a biopsy that was negative about 45 years ago! FFS! People deal with things differently I get that,but you're going through hell and deserve peace and support. Have a lovely Christmas no matter what you choose xxxxx
Mollygirl
Member
8 years ago
Wow, @Hendrix, that's awful. I'd be wanting to scream!!!!! I certainly understand. It's a time where people show their true colours. Do we rant, cry, scream so those around you have some idea if what we are going thru? Or do we smile, shrug, soldier on and be bright so as not to burden them? I don't know what the answer is. I lost my best friend because I got cancer. Gee, sorry it's too awful be around me! But hey, you do what you want for Christmas and that will make you happiest. You are dealing with enough right now without having to pander to other people.
Love and hugs xxxooo
Afraser
Member
8 years ago
I don't know how old your daughter is, but a simple explanation that you would rather spend Christmas with her may suffice. If keeping a distance makes you feel good, then you know the answer. Christmas really doesn't change the matter, just throws a whole lot of crazy assumptions and expectations on it. Now more than ever, do what makes you feel good and harms no-one (whatever they may say!).
Hendrix
Member
8 years ago
@Zoffiel What a shame I don’t have a river close by. Thank you xx
Zoffiel
Member
8 years ago
Tell them all to piss off.
You have enough on your plate without dealing with what sounds like a bunch of narcissistic cows. Make yourself unavailable, let them chase you. Or not. Which is telling in itself.
Do you what you feel like doing over Xmas. It's a shit of a time of year if you are feeling at all vulnerable so treat it like any other threat to your well-being and look after yourself. If your daughter, sister, mother, great aunt or next door neighbour doesn't like it, too bad.
I'm going to sit in the river and eat prawns, not because it's Xmas, but because any opportunity to spoil myself should be taken advantage of. Put yourself first for a while and be as silly as you like. Marg xxx

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