everyone has an opinion

Its  probably a good idea just to try to slip in other topics once the BC word comes up. I read somewhere that you can also turn the conversation back to  the other persons hair style etc etc....so change the focus .I think the key ingredient is just persistence & persistence . Sxo

HI Dot -

Yes the stream is never ending.  I have found that refusing to be drawn into the conversation is very effective.  I just continue with my line that I am fine, going well and yes isn't it great to be able to go clothes shopping and have a new hair style slow them down a bit.  I then slip into another topic, ususally something that I know is controversial of not of interest to them and it/they go away.  Family have quickly learned not to go down that path as it leads to great resistance and eventual pay back.  Good friends have continued to be good friends, politely enquire as to how you are and then let it go with whatever your answer is.  Work mates have also backed off greatly after a few re-buffs and words from others about where not to tread.  There are not too many to whom you can speak openly and honestly and this site is still the best forum for that to occur unless you have a local support group.

Keep smiling and trying

 Hi Dot, yes it does suck on some of those bad days and you just want someone to listen to you , this is defirnately the right forum to get that support , thankyou  and good luck too  S xo

I understand what you are all saying.  Before Breast cancer if I had a bad day you could ring family and friends and vent out my feelings and they would empathise and be sorry and say thats really bad.

Then when I got breast cancer, most the time I was really positive but of course I had bad days, I just wanted someone to talk to but everytime I said its a bad day to family they would jump on me go, you cant talk that way you have to keep positive and start giving me advice about everyone else that had cancer.   I know I had to be positive but what I really wanted was someone to say It Sucks, it is hard.

So I came on here when I was upset and I got so much support from all the lovely ladies. 

So yes filter out the comments and think they are trying in their own way to be supportive. 

Take care and I hope it all goes well

Dot x

 Hi Tonya, I cant believe that people asked how your hair was going....really, it must have been hard for you to hold back. I have tried changing the topic with people but its like they are addicted to talking about cancer., Even my attempts to talk about the weather are often diverted back to treatment etc. I think I just have to  be persistent and keep trying, to remind them that I am more than just a person been treated for BC, ....thanks S xo

Until you have walked in these shoes  I dont think you ever really appreciate how it feels.

I agree,we'll just keep smiling and filter out the comments we dont need. I think some people forget that everyones cancer and their journey is different... they are quick to put people in the same box.

thanks for that, I like the idea of saying that I have a medical team checking me, so I 'll try that next time I get a negative comment   or  too much advice xo

If it were me, I would just explain nicely that thank you for your concerns and comments but right now these comments are unhelpful as you need to put all of your energy towards your battle, and worrying about the small things, is unhelpful. Tell them you have a TEAM of medical staff checking up on nearly all aspects of your life at present and watching your weight, and food intake and making sure your rest etc. that they have given you all the information on the balance of rest vs activity and eating etc etc. And that while you appreciate there concern, by getting this information from others as well it is sending you into information overload and you are worried that you might miss some important information from your medical team, becasue of this.

That is what I told my family and friends.

Hope this helps.