Dating

Update on my dating experience.. You will recall I was anxious about if and when to have the bc discussion well @Brenda5 was right! I met a nice enough bloke but by the time he disclosed ALL his health issues I felt particularly fit and  healthy and felt no desire to make disclosure of bc. i won't worry so much next time. 

Well I have to agree with everyones comments! My first diagnosis I was 6 months out of my marriage, my ex husband begged to be there which I didnt want, so I did it alone and looked after my kids. I had been dating once I got through the first diagnosis, about 6 months after, I honestly had no problem with dating at all, in fact gave me confidence to know Im more than OK! 2nd diagnosis I was only 7 months into a new relationship but as I said petrified he'd run...especially as it wasnt I had BC once? this was twice now..my thinking was WTF who would want me now?? My ex husband again wanted to help, when I declined he made my life a living hell through chemo. My new Man, was incredible, I was so nervous when I lost my hair and he came over, he's a Cook Islander 6ft 3, he bent down kissed me all across my head, went back to his car, brought in his clippers and shaved his head, it was indescribable. We were quite a pair, he donated a kidney to one of his daughters, so I was in the middle of chemo incredibly ill, I traveled an hour away to look after him at home and UMMM he ended up looking after me..we laugh about it now!! He fully recovered and so did I, we are moving in end of this year after 3 years and a hell of a road together, we actually nearly did at 6 months, but things are complex, so I believe everything at the right time. Even now through mastectomy/reconstruction he just doesnt care, he's like its a boob? it's not who I am...to me obviously was so much more, but dont feel the loss now. 

So ladies, have faith and confidence in the depth of who you are...that's what you are loved for. Hugs @Cyclo get out there woman!!! xoxox Melinda

Hi @Cyclo, I was so worried like you, after 18 months of treatment and mastectomy, I wanted to meet someone but thought no guy would be interested. I found a similar online forum like this but US based and a lot of the women said that the men really didn't care too much and I remember one said that her guy preferred a happy one breasted women to a two breasted women who was unhappy with life. Anyway I took the plunge and only discussed my history when I thought things were going to get serious and we were falling in love. He was only interested that I was ok and things continued normally. Now I am about to have a reconstruction and he said that he doesn't even notice that I look different. I think it bothers me more than him. 

I think in any situation there are guys that are losers no matter what. So enjoy dating and try and be fussy and find a guy you are happy with first. I also found a good website called baggage reclaim which talks about relationships, it is quite interesting. Though I certainly don't pretend to understand men, I have found they are pretty simple creatures who want to be loved and feel good about themselves, they really don't care as much about the things we let bother us. Good luck.

@MKitty68 you deserve to be happy and to have someone to go this experience with. I don't think my relationship would have worked out in the long run and being single is actually not too bad. I'm sorry to hear that your friend went through such a difficult break up, wow that must have been tough for him. Cancer can attach an individual's sense of masculinity and femininity which can make relationships a bit tricky. x 

@LucyE I am so sorry to hear that he wasn't able to cope. I have a friend who was engaged, when he was in recovery from prostrate cancer, she walked out on him as he ;'wasn't going to be the man she thought he was'  poor bugger, it seriously kicked his confidence, as i'm sure that would have for yourself. 
I have thought back to a couple of the guys I have dated, and I doubt that many of them would not have coped either, I just got lucky I guess! About time too! My last ex (over 5 years ago) was abusive & would have found some way of making me feel it was my fault somehow, he had a nack for that. 

@Cyclo I hope you do get back on the horse so to speak, get out there & just have some fun! Probably the best way is to just find something that you enjoy doing & join a social club for it - and there are always online dating sites - just be aware, most who say they're looking for a relationship, really aren't, although different age groups may be different, but the mid 40's-mid 50's and younger are a bit silly like that. 

@MKitty68 I might have to take up an interest in motorbikes. LOL It's so lovely to read about how you two met. I was in a relationship but we broke up soon after I got breast cancer. He told me I reminded him too much of his mum who had died of breast cancer. He wasn't really a keeper!  I still work with him. My advice to anyone looking for a relationship is to avoid the workplace. We are friends now so it's fine, but wow awkward moments.

 I think cancer  just knocks the confidence out of you a bit and it can be hard to take the risk and meet new people. All the best to all of you out there being brave and dating. I'm thinking about it, but still hibernating for a bit longer. 

Thanks everyone for your insight and sharing  that's what I love about this site. I'm very happy for you Mkitty that was a nice story of the stars aligning.♥️✨

Aw sounds like true love @MKitty68 it does sound like you've found a keeper there  ;)

Once i got my diagnosis, i basically closed down my dating profiles. 
Then I was on a motorbike lovers Facebook group & noticed a cute guy who'd put up a cheeky joke, i commented to get his attention LOL, a few days later we started chatting online, I told him that first conversation about my diagnosis (this was less than 2 weeks after my initial diagnosis) and he was fine about that, he has his own medical issues he was born with too. 
We agreed to meet up & go for a ride on ANZAC Day and just enjoyed each other's company. 
We are head over heels in love, he's been there for me during my mastectomy, and when i got an infection, and now still with chemo just started, although he's been unwell - he put me first before his own and is wonderful.
We are going to look at houses together tomorrow . It seems to have moved fast, but sometimes life is like that when you meet that right one. 

I figured hey, just spit it out, if they're gonna be freaked out by it then get it out of the way & nick them off - the good ones will stick around & stick by you! 

I think if it feels natural to discuss then do so on 1st date  or whatever date it is You've been on a hellride...surely it is a part of you now. 
When telling people I always say "I've had breadt cancer and I'm well now" and it hoes from there.. have fun. Kath x