Back again..drs fault

Hello lovely ladies. So I posted a few months back that my bc had returned. Well what a big 2 months… glad I listened to my body and intuition.. first diagnosed with a rare bc in 2020, lumpectomy and radium and didn’t know any better to question the treatment given.. after ditching first oncologist due to him being a major idiot, referred to a 2nd one who put me on tamoxifen as a “standard” next step that 1st oncologist didn’t want to do.. fast fwd 2 years.. saw 2nd treating oncologist, told her breast hurt and didn’t feel right.. she informs me “cancer doesn’t hurt and your on tamoxifen “ so you’ll be ok. Went back to my surgeon instead, told him, and thank god I did, he ordered mammogram.. DCIS and an invasive neoplasm in same breast . As it had already had radium only option was a masectomy.. was sent to , by my choice, different hospital this time, different team of drs / surgeons etc . Told chances of it coming back in same breast, within 2 years, and whilst on tamoxifen was pretty rare. General consensus by them was total disbelief at my care so far and eyebrows raised. More tests done and abnormal cells also found in right breast. Am now 10 days post-op recovering from a bilateral masectomy and looking down the barrel of chemotherapy then pushing the 5 year restart button back on tamoxifen. Waiting on PET scan to see if spread elsewhere… and why… cause my first oncologist at ICON cancer clinic (apparently legally I am not allowed to name him directly).. decided to not take the appropriate course of action 2 years ago. Action that other specialists have all said they would have taken. This is the same clinic my 2nd oncologist works at who told me.. cancer doesn’t hurt , it won’t be cancer your feeling… if I thought I could get away with punching them both in the face then I would, not because it would make me feel any better, but because maybe they would both remember that punch before they so dismissively ignore the concerns of any future patients they treat. My life, my husband and my childrens lives, the lives of the 93 vulnerable people who I work so passionately with but have had to step back from…have all been turned upside down because 1 treating dr didn’t do his job properly 2 years ago. There are no guarantees that if his treatment had been more aggressive I wouldn’t be in this position now.. but I’m told there’s a fairly good chance of it. It’s hard to not feel angry when your in this situation thru negligence. I guess those 2 oncologist are just plain lucky that due to both boobs being recently lopped off I can’t raise my fists to punch them both.  I’m told the days will get better and easier, and I’ve absolutely no doubt they will …but right now I look down at where my lovely D cup boobs used to be, and pretty soon I’ll look up at where my lovely long blonde hair used to be … and it just makes me want to perform a colonoscopy on that first oncologist, without an anaesthetic and with the largest snake camera possible, and just in case that doesn’t cause him enough discomfort I would follow it up with a bikini wax too his genitals!
On that note lovelies… May all your smiles shine bright to get you thru another day, and if you’ve momentarily lost your smiles, may they return to you in the days ahead😘