Forum Discussion

ScorpionQueen's avatar
ScorpionQueen
Member
9 years ago

A grateful heart.....

From my Facebook blog..........


THE FINAL FRONTIER - RADIOTHERAPY

This morning sees the world wake to the sad and shocking news of another woman's bright light extinguished......Award winning sports journalist Rebecca Wilson......:'(   

Once again this wretched disease has taken a beautiful soul way too soon.....Rest easy now Rebecca <3

                                              ******

Everyday the enormity of this disease hits me in the face. I wake up to face my treatments.....to deal with the pain.....the limitations that it brings to my everyday life......But I am GRATEFUL.

It's a cruel, cruel game this disease plays. Giving you the absolute worst days of your life then teasing you with normality only to slap you back down again.....But I am still GRATEFUL.

Last night was a very restless night....awake again every two hours....the hot flashes were quite intense.....I was dreaming ALOT... I know it was of people that are important to me, but can't remember what actually played out....But I am still GRATEFUL

I am not quite half way through my radiotherapy treatments....my skin is starting change colour under my breast, my skin is starting to burn.....I look in the mirror to check my scars and the skin on the radiated side......I just sigh.......But I am  still GRATEFUL.

I have woken feeling groggy and very, very tired....My chest hurts from the expanders....my skin is stinging from the radiation.....My joints ache and creak from the hormone blockers....But I am still GRATEFUL.

I have woken to see another glorious day.....woken to feel my pain...to see my scars.....to go about my new normal....to hear the birds sing....the dogs bark......to see the faces of my family and friends....

Only the Universe knows why some stay and some leave....For those left behind it builds us up....makes us stronger and more determined....makes us appreciate what we have.....

I get to fight another day....and fight I will!.....fight not only for me, my family and my friends but in the name of those you have taken from us.....

Good or bad, I am getting through another day.....

............and for that I am GRATEFUL

#FUCancer

3 Replies

Sort By
  • WendyI's avatar
    WendyI
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Tracy,
    Love what you have written, it's very comforting to know that others are experiencing the same pains and feelings.  I hope your battle is successful and that you can be grateful for that too.  I too have been down all day after I heard about Rebecca Wilson, so sad, she's so young.  Although I have secondary cancer, and my cancer markers are currently increasing, I am GRATEFUL for everyday with my children, husband and extended family and know that my days will probably end prematurely but at least with this early warning, I can make sure each day counts.  
    Good luck,
    Wendy.
    #FUCancer
  • Tracey62's avatar
    Tracey62
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Tracy,
    its a weird kind of grateful isn't it? When I was in the thick of it last year there were friends who were held up to encourage me as those who had overcome bc, only now things have changed. They have recurrence and I'm the "lucky one". Does your head in thinking 'how come my stories going well' and theirs isn't. This disease is so random. 
    Have you heard the term oxymoron? It's when two things that are so opposite they almost contradict each other. Yeah I get being grateful to still be here, but the idea of gratitude and bc together is an oxymoron, it just messes with my head. 
    Im with you   #FU cancer

    lovin the pink boots 
    Tracey
  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Tracey - thank you for your tribute to Rebecca Wilson......................I have been feeling very sad all day long, it is too close for comfort for us all and seems so unfair when someone loses the battle.  Makes you appreciate your own battle and how fortunate we are to wake and enjoy the day even if we are lopsided women with aches and pains that we can't describe.  I was told today I look radiant and I thought that's good my make up is working a treat!

    Hope your burns clear soon and you can tick off this phase of treatment as done and dusted real soon! 
    Take care from Christine xx