2 years on

I penned this post some weeks back and suddenly I found a draft section accidently. So if you suddenly find yourself with a lost post. Check it out.

I had my oncology review this week. I got to discuss all those niggling worries of a dicky shoulder and the odd vertigo issue and none of it is related to my ...worry ar night fear...of metstatic disease.
Although daily I believe I am now healthy I still have those fears that sneak in. Consciously I talk myself through the logic of things...but I can't stop that niggling worry buried deep saying...maybe it's something else.
What to do with that eh? I have no answers except you have to talk yourself through it.
This year I've started to catch up on all my other health checks that got delayed. I've had my new version pap smear...now not needed for another 5. I've had a colonscopy and endoscopy and confirmed that I'm now lactose intolerant. Something that became apparent during and post chemo. Ive also got a small hernia a barrets oesaphagus (which can lead to cancer) so also know my reflux issues are real and how to manage and to have another check in 5 years.
I've had my suspect mole checked out. To pretend none of this investigation process didn't cause me stress is a joke. Outwardly I was the Queen of calm...but internally I was terrified something would be found and more treatment would be needed. Do we ever feel safe again? I doubt it.

Life is good. I'm finally feeling fitter (except the damn dicky shoulder) I'm swimming again. Doing aquafit classes Sundays. I've started doing bodypump through the YMCA and do my own gym workout Saturday. My job involves much moving about. My fitness and fatigue still isn't what it was pre cancer treatment but it is closer. Recently my hubby and I had a quick escape on his motorbike and later this year we are doing a week trip on it.
My kids are on there way. Tackling life full on and all are now working and getting some income which is fabulous. Still at home...and for them my breast cancer is a distant memory.
So ladies...those in the middle of treatment. Life does get better again. No longer though do we take our health for granted. No longer will I get caught up in the crap at work that will impact on me at home. I've got smart on that now. It's a pity I had bc to learn that..
So yes...next month is 2 years since I finished chemo. It's 2.5 years since I found that lump and 18 months since I stopped Herceptin due to heart impact. It feels like last month. But fortunately due to treatment...Life goes on. Kath x

12 Replies

iserbrown
Member
7 years ago
On my desktop the drafts are on the right hand side and I have noticed that I have 18 drafts - obviously started a discussion and or post and thought I'll get back to that and I haven't so I must go through and see if there are any wise words worth posting now or just delete!!

On my smart phone they are at the base of the discussion page - depends what device you are on as to where they are!
mum2jj
Member
7 years ago
Hi @primek, I am 7 years on from2nd diagnosis. And still have the niggle, the bulging disk in my back, arthritic joints. Mostly I tell myself logically it’s not the big C, but every now and again the worry creeps back. Your health sounds just like mine. I too have mild Barrett’s osophegas, yet another worry. Think we are just getting old. PS, on my iPad my drafts if I have any are on the right under where it says new discussion. Think it varies depending on what device you are on. Happy Monday.
Paula xx
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
I feel you @PatsyN. Big hug, K xox
PatsyN
Member
7 years ago
@primek It was May last year that I was diagnosed inoperable so straight to chemo which didn't finish till November.

Mastectomy then node clearance, then 6 weeks of rads then declared clear.
That was in April.
It's July now and I feel just like I did in May or April or March or the rest of them, which I mostly can't even remember now.
A new person is slowly emerging but I'm missing the old me so much.
I'm glad I have more of a time frame on my life but this was not how I saw it just over a year ago - it's still sinking in that I now must live my life with limitations.
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
Thank you for being so open about this Kath.

I was the reverse. I was doing all those health checks when I found my BC! The big one hanging over me is the bowel. That's the other cancer lurking in my family. I was going to have a colonoscopy 'next'. The mammogram derailed that! Later this year or early next year.

My risk for my BC coming back is 2%. I'm very reassured by this small number, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't lurk on the fringes of my psyche as a sliver of fear. I'm told this gets less over time. I hope it does for you, and everyone else.

I love that photo of you. You really have a great smile, so wide and infectious! <3 you @primek. K xox
primek
Member
7 years ago
Sadly @arpie I'm allergic to non steroidal antiflammatory drugs. Which is most annoying. At least I understand why I struggled with some pump exercises now.
arpie
Member
7 years ago
Well, THAT is good news about the shoulders, Kath! The bursitis SHOULD just be reabsorbed - tho it can take a while. Just take it easy .....

Bugger about the depression tho - I hope that lessens with every day! xxx

Shoulders are SO annoying .... I've had surgery on one & treatment under block anaesthetic on the other .... no fun. Make a conscious effort of "putting your scapulas in the envelope" (as my physio used to tell me!) SO ... hunch your shoulders UP and then BACK and DOWN - so your scapulas are closer together (and not leaning forward!) Our tendency to sit with our shoulders 'forward' (particularly when on a computer!) changes the angle that the humerus sits into the socket - and can aggravate bits!

Remember your grandmother always saying 'Straighten Your Shoulders'? Well, she was right!! ;)

All the best - hope it settles down soon. If you take anti inflams for it - just make sure you take food with them! :)
tigerbeth
Member
7 years ago
@primek I can relate to your shoulder pain !! I have bursitis with impingement & tendonosis and now my shoulder is frozen !!! Argh !! Extremely painful !
Avoid the frozen shoulder if you can its awful !
Having a second injection in a different place in my shoulder on Tuesday ,hope it works !
Sleeping with many pillows (not people!) to help support my shoulder
Good luck .
primek
Member
7 years ago
Since penning this post and my slide into depression I've been off and had ultrasounds on both shoulders only last week. No arthritis. No cancer. Just bursitis. Bloody annoying but not life threatening.
arpie
Member
7 years ago
GO GIRL!! And don't you look GREAT?? Well done, Kath.

Yes, Life Goes on .... We've been given a 2nd chance at it - so just grab it with both hands & get on with it! :)

I think all of us will have that 'niggling thought' about any prolonged ache & pain - and you just have to get it checked out. My mantra these days is: If in Doube - CHECK IT OUT!

Well done on you getting all your other health issues checked as well .... some of us may have put them on the back burner ..... and doing the Gym Work as well!! Awesome!

Re the Reflux ..... try putting a brick under the TOP end of your bed (both sides .....) as it is usually at night that the reflux occurs - and it can't flow uphill!! Both Keith & I have our beds on bricks for this reason. It also allows any damage to heal, too, as the stomach acid isn't aggravating it any more. You may not need the tablets if you do this.

Have you had a Pylori Breath Test (blow into a little bag and the 'air' is analysed) - totally non invasive - a positive result indicates a stomach ulcer (totally treatable with antibiotics.) Keith had both (pylori positive, ulcer positive) & stomach cancer .... but had successful surgery & chemo & was back competing in triathlons just 6 months after completing chemo!

Well done, you - a terrific, uplifting post! :)