Worried to ask about prognosis

TOmmy, you sound just like me. I have just finished my active treatment - the usual 16 rounds of chemo, 25 of rads, one month into tamoxifen. I know from the extent of my cancer when I found it that I am a whisker away from stage 4, and I have worked that out for myself. I have not spoken to my oncologist or surgeon about it, and I don’t think I will. In my heart I know that I have today and I try not to go beyond that. I don’t want to hear words that will flatten me; I just have to face today. I know the statistics, and I know the percentages, but of course no one can say where I will fit and I prefer to not ask what my team thinks. 

Hello! I strongly believe that a large part of a person’s survival, in any situation, is mindset. Being positive and believing you’re ok sends a message to your body that it needs to be healthy and work to function well. Yes, we do need to be realistic and have things checked if we have any concerns, but having a positive mindset and enjoying your life is, in my opinion, the best thing you can do. So id say you’re doing ok 😊. Best wishes Xx

Thank you Locksley, I felt like I was doing so well and apart from chemo days almost forgot I had breast cancer.. had to search my emails to get back onto bcna. Yes a great support system!! 

@TOmmy this is a wonderful forum to ask questions.  So many wise ladies here have wonderful advice and knowledge.  I know it has helped me as I try to manage this breast cancer business.   Wishing you all the best.  Sending you hugs xxx

thank you Beautiful ladies!! I feel much better with your positive words! As my nanna used to say during her long battle with cancer “I woke up today, so it’s a great day!!” 

Dear @Tommy
It is a lengthy process, it’s the rest of your life. I don’t mean treatment, although that can be lengthy too, but living with the reality of cancer. It’s happened, it may recur. Like @Primek, I don’t think of it that much any more but I recognise that the reality is a part of me now. Taking things bit by bit is a very practical way to gradually accept that however well you are in the future, your thinking has changed. Everything may be OK, but it won’t be quite the same. It may be very good, though! We all live uncertain lives (who was worried about COVID-19 this time last year?) but cancer makes that realisation very stark. As @Sister says, counselling to help that shift in thinking may help. It certainly helped me through a period of uncertainty about who I was and the best way to steer my life. Best wishes. 

@primek has it right.  Ask or don't ask - the choice is absolutely yours - but do follow up on any concerns you may have.  Honestly, whether you know or not, it will make no difference to the outcome although of course we all hope that if we ask the question, we will get an answer that makes us happy.  It is what it is but remember, you could have never had cancer and died sooner of something else altogether.  We all look for guarantees but unfortunately there are none, only statistics.  It's a tough gig @TOmmy but it's the show you're the star of.  If you need to, please consider counselling - many of us have reached a point at some stage in our treatment where we need to speak to a psychologist/counsellor.  Take care and best wishes.

Dear @T0mmy,
I agree with primek's comments; just adding

from jennyss in Western NSW

We all worry about prognosis. You can ask your oncologist or you can just continue with your look to a positive future. Your oncologist will have the conversation with you if things alter. 
The problem with a prognosis is it's not guaranteed. Women with stage 1 breast cancer with no nodes can go on to die from breast cancer, totally not part of prognosis at time of treatment. Then there is the opposite, women with later stage who've been given a poorer prognosis initially,  may respond well to treatment and go on to live a long full life. Which person you are they cannot predict. They can give stat's but they can't tell you which part of those stats you are. (For instance if 50% chance of recurrence also means 50% do not)
I chose to believe my treatment has cured me. 
Do I worry at times...yes
Does any new pain send me wondering...absolutely 
But believing I'm cured allows me to go about living, rather than waiting for the alternative, which just sucks the joy out of it. 
It's your decision, but asking that question won't change the wirry and anxiety most survivors have after a diagnosis.
Having said that, I don't ignore my fears, I get things checked. I know that even at stage IV, treatments can still make it possible for a good quality of life, with life expectancy forever changing and hopefully there are better treatments just around the corner. X