whinging when theres no need to whinge

Hi there just need a rant. So yesterday I go to my Pilates class and as unco as I am still enjoy the experience mostly, I'm going to try and improve the range of motion in my left arm (mastectomy left side may 2016 8 nodes taken all clear scans clear and right side taken as prophylaxis nov 2016 triple neg bc stage 2a 3cm tumor). So anyway got the shits big time as for some reason as I'm trying to get on with my life and its been 6 months since my chemo finished and I can function normally with it which I'm grateful for but still struggle with some movements, and just got pissed off as its a constant reminder of what I've been through, also got the shits looking at my scars where my boobs used to be and the feeling that something is crawling under my skin in my left arm is so bloody annoying and so hard to scratch and my hair has been growing back but yesterday its not growing back fast enough, got this massive helmut head thing happening which is hilarious when its not done, also had the shits as I struggle sometimes to open the bottle of wine I'm trying to enjoy with my hubby as my hands struggle due to the osteo post chemo and bloody sick of the hot flushes that I extinguish with a squirty bottle filled with water from the fridge, and pissed off with my pretty much non existent libido, but then I sit back and reflect and be grateful that I'm alive, grateful I got through the toxic waste that is chemo, grateful I can go back to work now, grateful I have such an awesome husband has held my hand through this whole thing and 2 great kids, grateful that there are many other women who are also struggling along side me on this forum with post chemo side effects, so that there's someone to talk to who totally understands what its like but wish none of us had to deal with this shit. Isn't the surgery treatment and chemo enough FFS! Anyway feeling a bit better today just get sick of the roller coaster of emotions and with me sometimes can be exaggerated with the menopause - yay for that too!! Feel like I should just delete this now and suck it up. Margie

14 Replies

Zoffiel
Member
9 years ago
That's OK @iserbrown. I'm sure we can work something out. As long as it doesn't involve me drinking your share (I've fallen for that before)
iserbrown
Member
9 years ago
Oh damn I don't drink wine!
Zoffiel
Member
9 years ago
I've been tempted @onemargie . I've managed to include references to most bodily functions that have been used as expletives but have resisted that one. Not because I don't use it, but because my 'filter' process can be all screwed up lately, and can't be sure that I can gauge my audience.
Thing is, after reconnecting with this site I could make some pretty reasonable guesses about which regular posters would be offended, and who wouldn't. The people sitting in the background watching? Who would know. I've also got a good idea who I would like to invite around for a late afternoon glass of wine. :)
onemargie
Member
9 years ago
fuck I love this forum!! You guys are the best! Heres another one for you from my strength and conditioning class this morning, so doing the weights having a good old time until the instructors says we are going to work the chest now so I want you all to make a cleavage!! Hilarious when I said I don't actually have one to make since I have no boobs remember lol !!! Anyways like melclarity said you have to have humor right!! Thanks for listening you have all made my weekend :) xxx ps is it ok to drop the f bomb...... whoops!
Brenda5
Member
9 years ago
Actually its lovely to see your rant which tells me ( I am too chicken to rant much) I am normal. My husbands jaw dropped when I said I probably wont have libido back until the 5 years is up as a survivor but hey if we're living in to our 70's we have plenty of time for the good stuff coming up. ;)
Zoffiel
Member
9 years ago
Aldi Argan Oil hair stuff @primek Best curl calmer I've ever come across (been a frizz nut all my life)

I can still open a bottle of wine. If I can find it. Had a house full of people last weekend and knowing my guests all too well, I put a bottle of sav blanc I'd been given as a gift out of sight so no-one would guzzle it. Great plan until I decided, after my first week of rads and a generally long week, I wanted that plonk. I've got a couple of places I stash things, but after five minutes searching, no joy. OK, look in the unlikely places. No wine. By this time I'm starting to suspect someone's found it, and I'm hating everyone. Guess where I'd put it? The veggie crisper. Don't know what is sadder, that I thought it would be safe there or that I hadn't opened that drawer in the fridge for 5 days...
primek
Member
9 years ago
So glad you shared. Yes so get the frustration. I recently wanted wine to put in my spag bowl sauce and to have a glass of course. So there I am thinking it is the usual these days to have a twist top. ...but nooooo...its a cork....first it's then searching the draw for a decent cork screw. Then it's getting the darn plastically foil cover off the cork...which I almost took my finger off with as needed a knife for it as no finger strength now...then not enough strength to easily use that cork screw following my bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. ...I almost smashed off the beck and just guzzled out the bottle. But I didn't. ..big breath...kept trying and calmly got that glass of wine...oh yes had two that night after all that! Life sucks abd no going back and some days it just gives you the shits.

Oooh...totally get the hair...I have silver curls....used to have a light brown bob. I have no idea how to care for these curls with their own darn mind and spend more on products to calm the curl down than I ever did on my hair in the past. How the hell will I grow it longer? It is going straight up and without product it looks like a steel pot scrubber. ..sigh. But at least it's growing. So zip it and no whinging. So get it.
onemargie
Member
9 years ago
thanks ladies your right where else am I going to put it out there! I appreciate your comments. Margie
melclarity
Member
9 years ago
Margie! Hell NO don't delete it LOL

If you can't let it out and say exactly how you feel here, where the hell can you? This is the complexity of this whole thing that NOBODY gets but US! Absolutely we are all grateful to be alive BUT that doesnt sometimes diminish the debilitating effects of treatment, which have forever altered our quality of life. I too have days where Ive had an absolute gutful!!! but then there are alot of days too where I work around the things that are forever changed. You wouldnt be normal I dont think if you didnt crack it now and again, we've certainly earned the right and it is difficult when youre quality of life is so affected.

Humor absolutely has gotten me through most of it, helps me somedays to not get bogged down in it all then I refocus to the things I can do LOL I think I'm marvelous!! I can now ride 4mins a day on my bike WTF!!! I used to ride 40mins!!!! BUT all relative a long road and so in someways I guess I go oh well that was me then this is me now...so my expectation is less.

Hugs Melinda xo
onemargie
Member
9 years ago
that's a good one too! I am pretty good most of the time just had the shits this weekend. and there's a few ladies in my class that are sooo much more flexible than me and a lot older and I reckon they would have pretty happy husbands lol:). and there is that one who is the gymnast but I try and not sit near her lol:) Margie