What is my new normal?

Thanks so much for your beautiful kind words.  I've been enjoying a few walks in the sun which helps a lot with my mood and nausea.  Plus it's the weekend, so the family are home from work/school to jolly me up.  You're right about the emotional roller coaster, I thought it would be more at the beginning, but these emotions just surprise me sometimes.  I'm very fortunate to have a great support network of close friends who seem to not be frightened away yet.  Some have kept their distance, but that's ok too.    Thanks and hugs,

Karen xx

Kazzi,

Like everyone has said here all feelings are normal. I remember them well, I just got used to the idea of Chemo and then they changed drugs on me so the crying starts again then get used to that then chemo finishes then radio starts and the emotional roller coaster goes on again. Please don't apologise, all is normal. Yes its hard when someone asks how you are doing .......... The chemo drugs also screw with your head. I finished 7 May last Chemo and looking back WOW I was a basket case but the best thing is out of all that is some of my dearest friends have seen the absolute worse of me and are still here for me. LGFB awesome fun day - make sure you be kind to you - don't be hard on yourself. Cry when you want then kick the tree too but always get back up, lol I have tears in my eyes writing this. love and light Kazzi

Thanks for sharing Lindyloo.  I'm so sorry that you had a horrible time with the 2nd chemo.  That can be really upsetting.  Hope the nausea isn't too bad.  I'm finding it extra queasy today, but tolerable.  

I'm looking forward to the LGFB workshop on Tuesday.  I've had all hair on my head fall out except for the short stubble my hairdresser clipped last week.  No hair is growing anywhere else, which my teenage daughter thinks is the best!! LOL.

All the best with the rest of your chemo and followup surgery.  Thant's great news that your tumour is responding.

Big hugs,

Karen xx

Hi NB,

Thanks for sharing your story.  I think it helps to know that the emotional downs can happen at any time during the treatment (& not just at the beginning) like it did for me earlier.  All the best with your recovery. I've got radiation to look forward to later this year.

Karen xx

Don't worry about the whinging, good to let off a bit of steam. Yep, I had a period too on my first chemo and it's still going after 14 days (another issue I was trying to deal with before diagnosis). Just had my second chemo yesterday which was not straight forward as the injection site was stinging and they had to change arms. There 6 hours in all. Felt totally exhausted by the end of it. I've booked in for the look good ,feel better seminar which I have heard very good things about. Lost most of my hair but the bloody hair on my legs are as thick and strong as ever, what the!! 

You are not alone, there are many of us that feel like you do. We all show our feeling in different ways. I am upbeat to everyone but my husband and occasionally whinge to him. I still have four more treatments, then surgery, yet to find out if it genetic so will cross that bridge when I come to it, then radiation. My cancer is stage 3 and tumour was 5cm but seems like the chemo is shrinking it somewhat.

all the best to you. Keep writing on here. It is cathartic. So many can help you on here. They are all wonderful...????

Hi Karen,  Just putting in my two bobs worth!  If you're a basket case so am I, and if you need to apologise for having a whinge better count me in too.  We would have to be lunatics to rejoice in this cancer gig and be bright and cheerful about it all the time.  

My surgeon told me when I was diagnosed that the hard part about breast cancer is waiting to see if it comes back despite the fact that for most it never will....  at the time I was just focused on getting stuck into treatment and continuing on with life but now I get what she means.  I have finished active treatment now (though am starting some preventative surgery as my cancer was genetic and I am therefore at high risk of new cancer in addition to recurrence).  I started with chemo, had a mastectomy and cruised into radiotherapy feeling optimistic and positive for the most part....... then I feel like I crashed part way through radiotherapy.  Doesn't make logical sense as I was through the worst of it supposedly.  I have learnt that people love a positive cancer suffer, not all are so comfortable with with our negative feelings - sometimes including us.  I finished radiotherapy 4 weeks ago and have been told I can now consider myself to be in remission but guess what - I am getting back on track emotionally, but the last two months have been the worst of my 9 month journey - everyone expects me to be ecstatic at being in remission but I'm not always..... often I am just fearful of recurrence and pretty pessimistic.  I keep reminding myself that none of us should apologise for how we feel, our feelings are valid and there is no "right" way to feel at any point.  The last thing any of us need is guilt for how we feel on top of everything else.  You will feel better in time, cancer makes us find a new normal but we will be looking back on the bad times soon.  Wishing you all the best on your journey.  Xxx

Thanks Scotty, yeah I'm marching along to my own beat right now, tryointg to find normal. Nice to look forward , enjoy the sn today in a walk.  I'm finding that helps.  Karen xx

Thanks Hazel for your kind words.. I'm looking forward to the LGFB workshop next Tuesday. The chemo has really started to play havoc with my hormone levels , hence the tears. It's nice to know you're 12 months down the track and things are looking brighter. Love Karen xx

Hello Kazzi, you are very normal. I was terrified now treatment over hair back and still worry but as time goes on less and less this time next year you will be more like you again so keep marching on and it will soon be over xxxx

Hi, you sound normal to me, I had and still have those days even though I finished treatment over 12 months ago. I remember having to see a psychologist during chemo because my mind was playing tricks on me when I lost my taste buds. They assured me that it was quite normal that these things happen and like everything else will disappear in time. Of course they did. Some days I still whinge about my new normal, but when put in perspective I realise I'm very lucky to be here. The Look Good Feel Good workshop was one of the highlights for me and to this day I still use their makeup tips. Take care and anytime you want to whinge, feel free, this site is the place to do it. Hope things look brighter for you soon, big hugs,

Hazel xx