Forum Discussion

wenno05's avatar
wenno05
Member
10 years ago

What happens now?

Hi Everyone,

I would like to thank you all, although I am a quiet reader of this site, your posts and the supportive replies have been a massive part of my breast cancer experience. I was diagnosed April 2015 (on my daughter's 21st.....a day I will never forget!) Since then as you all would know it is a rapidly moving experience of appointments...surgeries...chemo and radiation ( I can't seem to use the word "journey"). I finish radio on Friday, so all up it has been 9 months of structure and doing what I am told to do.....now I am scared stiff to not have that structure! My family and friends are all so excited for my last treatment and remarking on how happy I should be....except I'm not....I'm  crying more today than I have in a long time....I don't know what to do anymore....I dont know how to move on from this...and I feel like such a sook! I think I am just venting as it is difficult to tell friends this as I am "supposed" to be happy. Thanks for letting me get it out of my system xx

emotions

13 Replies

Show More
  • wenno05's avatar
    wenno05
    Member
    10 years ago

    Thanks AFRASER

    I needed to read those words. I have booked myself in to speak to a psychologist tomorrow as I am struggling with how to be the mother...the daughter...the sister...the worker and the friend that everyone expects just at the moment. After 9 months of keeping the positives and smiling without complaint, I feel like I need a good cry and vent to someone that does not know me....and then I will pull myself together and get on with life! Thanks again. This is really a fantastic site x

  • Ann-Marie's avatar
    Ann-Marie
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Wenno05,

    No need to thank us, this is exactly what the Online Network is for. Thank you for sharing how you are feeling. Even though you are finishing up your treatment which is wonderful news, we will always be here.

    Ann-Marie x

  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    10 years ago

    Dear Wennoo5

    Let it out! We often need to vent/rage/cry at what others think are inappropriate times. My oncologist warned me of exactly what you are experiencing - said it was very common at the end of treatment. You have been so focused on getting through the treatment, that the end isn't a happy release, it's totally confusing and - what now?

    I was lucky, I was OK but like you I avoid the term journey. Partly because it's so overused, but partly because people tend to think a journey is all about an end. As I like travelling, the journey is an end in itself. If you can start to think of your treatment as one of the harshest parts of a new and different, but good life, it may help. But it does take time. We all want to go back - to how we were before cancer. It takes a while to recognise that we can't, and that maybe the experience has a few side benefits if we work hard at seeing them that way.

    I made some good and way overdue decisions about how I live, after keeping up everything while I had treatment (to prove I could!).  Taking things one day at a time will be the best way to go for a bit longer. Life threatening illnesses are just that, and no joke, but they can be life affirming too. Your feelings are utterly legitimate, they are yours and you can't keep living up to other people's expectations. But it will get easier to start seeing where you want to be.

    best of luck!