What happens now?

Dear Wennoo5

Let it out! We often need to vent/rage/cry at what others think are inappropriate times. My oncologist warned me of exactly what you are experiencing - said it was very common at the end of treatment. You have been so focused on getting through the treatment, that the end isn't a happy release, it's totally confusing and - what now?

I was lucky, I was OK but like you I avoid the term journey. Partly because it's so overused, but partly because people tend to think a journey is all about an end. As I like travelling, the journey is an end in itself. If you can start to think of your treatment as one of the harshest parts of a new and different, but good life, it may help. But it does take time. We all want to go back - to how we were before cancer. It takes a while to recognise that we can't, and that maybe the experience has a few side benefits if we work hard at seeing them that way.

I made some good and way overdue decisions about how I live, after keeping up everything while I had treatment (to prove I could!).  Taking things one day at a time will be the best way to go for a bit longer. Life threatening illnesses are just that, and no joke, but they can be life affirming too. Your feelings are utterly legitimate, they are yours and you can't keep living up to other people's expectations. But it will get easier to start seeing where you want to be.

best of luck!