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Federica's avatar
Federica
Member
12 years ago

Waiting is painful

I just need to write few lines to try and keep busy and not to lose my mind today. Tuesday I will be given results of my Core Biopsy and of course now, like most of you ladies had already experienced, I am going throughout pure torture. I am going from calm and positive, to " I may have only few months to live" and back again. Nothing scares more than having to leave my 3 yrs old and 7 yrs old , it's when I look at them that I panic and start to feel nauseous . I am fine , I thought of myself as a pretty strong woman , I am not scared of what I'll have to go throughout or the pain or even death. What scares me is the future of my girls. My mother had BC at 49 yrs old and survived it ( she is now 69) and this gives me hope but I don't know anything about my cancer , if it's early stages or if it had spreaded already. I don't know anything and it's killing me. I can't tell my mother as she is very , very emotional ( she went through few traumas in her life ) and wouldn't take this new well. I know she wouldn't cope with it . Plus she lives in Italy at the other side of the world, and being far away makes thing worst. My husband comes back tonight from QLD where he went for work and I need to be strong , I don't want to scare him too much, but I feel like I need to strong warm arms to hug me and told me that everything it's ok. Sorry, for the long whinge.. I feel better already though . Writing always helped me a lot. Talk to you soon fx

4 Replies

  • Hazel_M's avatar
    Hazel_M
    Member
    12 years ago

    The waiting is very painful and there's so much of it that we have to go through. It's really hard to do but 'one day at a time' is the best advice i was ever given. It will be good for you when your husband comes home, we all need to be comforted by someone. I wish you well for your results and once you get a plan of action, you will do what you need to do. Take care, 

    Hazel xx

  • Hazel_M's avatar
    Hazel_M
    Member
    12 years ago

    The waiting is very painful and there's so much of it that we have to go through. It's really hard to do but 'one day at a time' is the best advice i was ever given. It will be good for you when your husband comes home, we all need to be comforted by someone. I wish you well for your results and once you get a plan of action, you will do what you need to do. Take care, 

    Hazel xx

  • Hazel_M's avatar
    Hazel_M
    Member
    12 years ago

    The waiting is very painful and there's so much of it that we have to go through. It's really hard to do but 'one day at a time' is the best advice i was ever given. It will be good for you when your husband comes home, we all need to be comforted by someone. I wish you well for your results and once you get a plan of action, you will do what you need to do. Take care, 

    Hazel xx

  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    12 years ago
    I know what you mean about writing helping you to feel better. Sometimes when you read the words you have written you clarify it all so much more. It helps you to feel calmer and more in control when you see it all there in black and white. Never apologize for what you write on here. We all understand the seesaw of emotions as you struggle to come to grips with the shock of having cancer. I can tell you from my own experience and reading many other's posts on here that you will get through what you need to. People will help, you just need to let them. I have had the most amazing experiences of people I barely knew helping myself and my family. No matter what the news is on Tuesday, you will feel better because you will know more. That happens again and again on this journey. We worry and then we feel better. Hope that having your husband home will help. Take care. Deanne xxx