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sandycee's avatar
sandycee
Member
14 years ago

Waiting....I hate the waiting

I am waiting and waiting for Monday morning. I have to be there at 7.00am. No probs, Just have to leave home at 6.00am - that means getting up at 5.30 so I am not blurry eyed.

Only close to home so not much travelling to do. Just make sure I am rugged up against the winter winds and then a nice brisk walk to the hospital from the car park.

Am nervous and anxious about the operation. Don't like the idea of going in the morning and getting straight onto the operating table. Still, can't do much about it now. Going private might have it's good side after all....too late for that too...not even an option any more...

Then waking up to me being less one breast. I suppose I'd be called "lefty" after that. My partner said to me today - it's only a breast. If it was an arm or leg, you'd have to get used to it.

To me - it IS MY BREAST! My breast. My right breast. How will my body cope with just one breast now?

I had my mandatory (by me) bubble bath - I can't have another one now cos my cycle started. So I have to settle for a shower instead. It isn't quite the same. I was so relaxed in my bath I didn't say goodbye to my breast. I did hold it though, and caressed it in my hands. I love my body - it doesn't look much to other people, though to me - it is the only one I have and therefore it is important to me that it remains whole.

I said to my partner - before we went to the surgeon - I want a mastectomy to be the very last choice. Well, the surgeon said that in my case with this DCIS thing that I really didn't have a choice. "The nipple has to go" he said. I sat their in numbed silence listening to it as though I was someone else. All I could think of asking next is "will I have chemo?"

Now, it is only three days away. Well, today is Friday, it is really three nights away. For me, getting up at 5.30 will be in the middle of the night anyway. Usually on a monday I get to get up at 9.00am! Not this monday though.

Look on the bright side a voice comes out to tell me - you can sleep all day long....

 

anxiety
mastectomy
surgery

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  • sandycee's avatar
    sandycee
    Member
    14 years ago

    Thank you ever so much Tonya for your reply. It is great to know there are other people I can talk to as well. You are wonderfully supportive.

    I am already crying one minute and not the next. It all feels surreal to me right now like I am going through all of this on a travellator and I have no idea where or when I will end this journey.

    I am going to have some "me" time on Sunday, relaxing, meditating, breathing and focussing my energies to being cool, calm and collected. I have already found a supplier for my prosthesis - someone I already know and trust so that is one weight off my chest - pardon the pun.

    Yes, I will have to ask one around about a breast care nurse in my area. I am most fortunate that I have lots of friends giving me support through emails and phone calls.

    I have already got the pjs, I didn't think too much about the singlets though. I have some over sized cotton t-shirts which may fit the bill there. Thanks for that information.

    My surgeon told me I'd be in hospital about 5-6 days. I don't mind if it is earlier. I am concerned about the drain leads though.

    Will let you know for sure as soon as I get home. Can't wait for that to happen and get it all over and done with.

    Sandy xx

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Sandy,

    I had my mastectomy a year ago(2nd bout of bcancer)and it is probably better to be first on the list cos you are not sitting around getting anxious.Losing a breast is a big adjustment on so many levels-physical,emotional,sexual. It is an amputation afterall and you will grieve for awhile.Because it all happens so fast you don't always have time to investigate reconstruction and line up plastic surgeons.You can always do this later down the track so don't worry.Make sure you have button down the front pjs and some singlets/camis and loose fitting tops.You will most likely be in hospital for 3 days and go home with a drain maybe.I thought it would be really hard to look at my scar when the nurse took the dressing down.     

    But to my surprise,Iwas ok -must have been high on pain killers.You feel very sore for a week and when the drain comes out you start to improve.I went back to work about 4 weeks post op.You usually get your pathology about a week post op and that helps to determine any ongoing  treatments.

    I felt so much better and confident when I got fitted for my bras and prosthesis.When I am wearing it you would never know.Locate a breast care nurse if you can cos they are a great support.Jump on here anytime as there are lots of wonderful ladies to talk to.We know how you are feeling. Try to keep busy this weekend or the waiting will do your head in.Don't think too much past the surgery,just get through it. Your feelings will become unpredictable-ok one minute and crying another.It's normal and you are intitled to grieve. Best wishes for Monday and let us know how it all goes.

                                            Tonya xx

  • sandycee's avatar
    sandycee
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hello Dette,

    Wow! I didn't think I would get a reply that quick. Thanks for the response. I was really thinking aloud...

    I don't have the luxury of having the reconstruction at the same time. The hospital isn't equipped with this. Did it make a big difference to you - to have the reconstruction done?

    I wonder if I am going crazy choosing not to have it done. One of my friends even suggested I have a double mastectomy to be "even". That's easy for her to say though, she isn't in our position.

    So, how long did you take to recouperate, if you don't mind me asking? I keep thinking of me languishing at home for a week afterwards. However I think that is more emotional thinking than physical.

     

  • w_w_w_dette's avatar
    w_w_w_dette
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Sandy

    Four weeks ago today I had to be at the hospital at 7.00am for my mastectomy! For us it was a 1 1/4 hour drive so up around 5 to have the hair wash shower!! We didn't go to bed early, knowing we wouldn't sleep much but surprisingly did get a couple of hours.

    I in fact found it good - first ones to be 'checked in', paper work and basic checks done, visit from anaethetist and only just made it into the lovely gown as they came to collect me. The not hanging around in the ward was great - I arrived in theatre as scheduled at 8.00am and don't remember anything from shortly after until 1.00pm (I had a reconstruction at the same time).

    So there are some good things in my experience to the early morning op!!

    Good luck with it all, Dette xx

  • w_w_w_dette's avatar
    w_w_w_dette
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Sandy

    Four weeks ago today I had to be at the hospital at 7.00am for my mastectomy! For us it was a 1 1/4 hour drive so up around 5 to have the hair wash shower!! We didn't go to bed early, knowing we wouldn't sleep much but surprisingly did get a couple of hours.

    I in fact found it good - first ones to be 'checked in', paper work and basic checks done, visit from anaethetist and only just made it into the lovely gown as they came to collect me. The not hanging around in the ward was great - I arrived in theatre as scheduled at 8.00am and don't remember anything from shortly after until 1.00pm (I had a reconstruction at the same time).

    So there are some good things in my experience to the early morning op!!

    Good luck with it all, Dette xx