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Zoffiel's avatar
Zoffiel
Member
9 years ago

Trying to behave

Yesterday I trudged back into the chemo ward for the first time in 10 years. Round one of four completed without any significant problems, except for the ones in my head. I've been disease free for so long I thought I'd somehow skated around this disease, but no.

Thing is, I am carrying some serious baggage from my previous treatment. I was so bloody angry with my oncologists last time that in the end I set that boat alight and pushed it towards the horizon vowing never to let another cent pass between my hands and theirs. Which has meant me doing some fairly fancy footwork to secure bulk billed oncology services from a town 100km away and get my chemo delivered locally. That, and a variety of unforeseeable and unavoidable surgical complications has kept me pretty busy for a couple of months, but now I'm back in the chair, all my anger, distrust and frustration from last time is really wearing me down.

I'm an older and wiser woman now who's not under the family pressure I was last time, even though financially the whole thing is a disaster. I'm much more capable of coordinating my treatment and am probably over informed but this feeling of hypervigilance is exhausting. The previous communication failures and resultant cock-ups haunt me and even though I have confidence (as much as I'm ever likely to have) in my current provider, just being in the cancer environment makes me really hostile and combative.

It's all well and good to admit you have a right to be angry, but all the support services to help manage that are too scarce to be of any use around here. I'm getting pretty pissed off with being asked to donate to causes that provide minimal resources in country areas unless you find having an online rant a bit cathartic. Which I probably do.

3 months wait to see a shrink (damn you Christmas holidays) Exercise programs designed for the elderly....pffft. Not much help.

10 Replies

  • Karenhappyquilt's avatar
    Karenhappyquilt
    Member
    9 years ago
    The Cancer Council can provide some financial assistance.  Banks offer hardship relief with mortgages in some situations.  It can be possible in some cases to draw on your superannuation. But it's horrible having to worry about money when you are going through so much unpleasant news.  Good luck with the treatment.  Karen 
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago
    The ywca encore shouldn't cost. An exercise physiologist is bulk billed if under a GP management plan fir 4 to 5 visits. They coild set you up with a program. Just ideas. Yeah to feeling a bit normal. And yes...centrelink sucks at times...I felt I was being punished for working so hard...first cancer then no gov assistance...we would not have survived if I hadn't accessed my life insurance.
  • Zoffiel's avatar
    Zoffiel
    Member
    9 years ago
    The breast Care nurses are great, Kath, there are just not enough resources to go around. I did use a counselor last time but think I need something a bit more robust now and I can't bear to go through the whole story again transitioning from one person to another. 
    There are exercise programs but most cost. Caught in the perfect storm between job loss and starting my own business I missed out on income insurance by three weeks so every cent counts. The penalty for financial prudence otherwise is an inability to access any Centreline payments until June.. yay. Technically that is fair but frankly I wish I'd squandered the money on hats, horses, long lunches and holidays.
    I did get the chain saw out and went wood burgularing last weekend and nearly popped my portacath out through my armpit, it felt good to feel a bit of normal regardless of the pain. If all else fails do something agricultural to let off steam but I can't see myself doing that after the next couple of weeks.
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago
    Also...have you located a local breast care nurse?...they may be able to provide some support also.
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago
    I'm not sure where you are located but most public hospitals have mental health services where you present, go through a quick assessment and then they decide urgency of psych and appoint a regular counsellor prior the  appointment. It will cost you nothing. Whilst the private system is good, the resources can be limited. So keep this in mind.

    As to exercise you might be able to have a referral through your GP to an exercise physiologist under a GP management plan. I did the elderly program during chemo...it was all I could manage. Also check out ywca encore program  (look up online) and see if running locally...that was great.

    It must be very challenging for you having to do this again (yes...an understatement ). We are here to listen. Kath x
  • melclarity's avatar
    melclarity
    Member
    9 years ago
    Vent away I say!! LOL I was angry the first time, but after my recurrence last year, I was seriously pissed! and with everything that came with it. I think now 1 year on, I am less angry and find eventhough I have a Mastectomy to come shortly, I just deal with each emotion as it pops up. Im certainly more assertive these days and thats not a bad thing!! and not as tolerant as I would normally be, but that's life. I think Ive earnt it lol. Id imagine resources would be difficult the more remote you are, not sure what to suggest as Im in Melbourne. I see an exercise physiologist but only because my income protection organised it. Even then hahahaha My Oncologist said it will NOT rehabilitate me back to full time capacity sooner, as my medication is causing havoc and side effects that exercise CANNOT combat! So Im working with it all, would LOVE to come off all meds! Hugs Melinda xo
  • Zoffiel's avatar
    Zoffiel
    Member
    9 years ago
    Ha, socoda, I've long thought that being brave and well behaved really only helps to people who have to deal with you :)
  • socoda's avatar
    socoda
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Zoffiel, I can relate to ridiculous waiting times in country (not personally, but through family needs). As for three months for seeing a shrink - if you're feeling a need could you perhaps phone the Cancer Council and speak to one of their counsellors PH: 131120 until you can get to your appointment? As for exercise programs how about one that a couple of the ladies here use online to help with bone issues during chemo called Onero - the link is http://onero.com.au and for being angry come on here and de-stress, scream, get it out of your system. Maybe with a concerted effort we can help lighten some of  that baggage  :). Wishing you all the best. Xx Cath