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Deb_F's avatar
Deb_F
Member
13 years ago

Trying to be positive.......

So after my mastectomy and confirmation that I also have a tumor in my liver, I am struggling to get my head in the right place. As terrible as it sounds when I read 'clear margins, no nodes involved, no evidence of any disease elsewhere' I get really angry. Because in March last year all those things were said to me. I went through the chemo, the radio and changed my life and this horrible disease came back to bite me. Don't get me wrong, it makes me happy that people are well and have great out comes, I think I just wish it was me. My oncologist said to me in June "Deb, you have more chance of being hit by a bus, than getting cancer again", what am I supposed to think? So now I am facing the unknown. Again. I'm scared, because how can someone but a time limit on your life? Will the treatment work? Am I depressed? The list is endless and I hate being the downer on people's good news and want to jump up and down and clap when they say they have the all clear, but it's hard, you know. I really hope I can find some inspiration soon. I seriously need it.

4 Replies

  • Cat18's avatar
    Cat18
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hi Deb You are sharing my thoughts and feelings, I too was told clear margins and 0/14 nodes, had the mastectomy did the chemo they said don't worry about the radiation and changed my lifestyle too. My oncologist once said to me after a crying episode what are you worrying for we got yours early and here I am 2 years after chemo finished with lung mets. I too want to scream but I have to believe that we will live long enough until they find our cure, otherwise we might aswell give up now and I know I'm not prepared to do that and that my family and friends wouldn't allow it and I'm sure that's the same for you and your family and friends. We will get jump up and down and clap xxs Cath
  • JeanineG's avatar
    JeanineG
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hi Deb I'm so sorry to hear that your cancer has spread. How unfair after you have gone through all those tough treatments in the belief that it would be gone forever. You have every right to be sad, depressed and furious. Let all those emotions out rather than keeping them in. You must be terrified. It's harder to put your faith in the medical profession when promises made to you in the past haven't proven to be true. I can't say anything that will make you feel better. Only that we are all here to listen and we are all thinking of you and praying for a good outcome. Never apologise for your feelings. Nobody but you knows how you are feeling and you are entitled to those emotions. Who could blame you? Sending you love and healing hugs, Xxx Jeanine
  • JeanineG's avatar
    JeanineG
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hi Deb I'm so sorry to hear that your cancer has spread. How unfair after you have gone through all those tough treatments in the belief that it would be gone forever. You have every right to be sad, depressed and furious. Let all those emotions out rather than keeping them in. You must be terrified. It's harder to put your faith in the medical profession when promises made to you in the past haven't proven to be true. I can't say anything that will make you feel better. Only that we are all here to listen and we are all thinking of you and praying for a good outcome. Never apologise for your feelings. Nobody but you knows how you are feeling and you are entitled to those emotions. Who could blame you? Sending you love and healing hugs, Xxx Jeanine
  • JeanineG's avatar
    JeanineG
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hi Deb I'm so sorry to hear that your cancer has spread. How unfair after you have gone through all those tough treatments in the belief that it would be gone forever. You have every right to be sad, depressed and furious. Let all those emotions out rather than keeping them in. You must be terrified. It's harder to put your faith in the medical profession when promises made to you in the past haven't proven to be true. I can't say anything that will make you feel better. Only that we are all here to listen and we are all thinking of you and praying for a good outcome. Never apologise for your feelings. Nobody but you knows how you are feeling and you are entitled to those emotions. Who could blame you? Sending you love and healing hugs, Xxx Jeanine