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sillysam83's avatar
sillysam83
Member
15 years ago

Tomorrow

I hope tomorrow brings alot of answers. 

it will b my first follow up with my breast surgeon since my mastectomy in April. my 6 month mark. I have alot of questions for him... lol... 

Friends have been bothering me lately. I seem just 'some' family & friends do not care. & so i took a friends (joadavis) advice and confronted them in nice way (its been a while I havent heard from you im worried are u ok?) or (i sent u an sms the other day, did u get it, my phone hasnt been workin' properly). and then tonight I've realised some of my friends have problems too... maybe not cancer and maybe not life threatening but still problems to them. After all of this Ive realised who my 'real' friends are & i will treasure them. still have not decided what to do about my family tho, im talking aunties, uncles, cousins etc, who my whole life ive been close to & who prior to bc they have shown they were not loyal & i just dont know how to confront them, i value family very high, because of the strong bond i have always felt with them & it pains me so to see them now caring and fighting with each other over pity stuff. 

my question for the night... 

has anyone else just had a mastectomy & reconstruction -  via silicone implant - and no other treatment?

I feel that my case is so rare I will never find someone who understands what I'm going thru & i will never know if it gets better.

my implant is i dont know how to explain it. but not mine. i know its not part of me, i know its a machine. its so uncomftable at times. painful in a wierd way pain drugs dont help & my ribs hurt randomly. and during my menstrual cycle my breasts hurt in ways they never have b4. all part of the hormonal trip coz of my mastectomy my hormones are still trying to pump stuff there to something thats not there. and all my body aches in ways ive never known for period pain b4 & ive always had it pretty bad (im sorry if too much information) but now everything aches, my legs n feet especially.(besides my breasts) & my menstrual cycle last for like a week when b4 it was 3-5 days ... freggin sucks... n my hormones are like im a teenager again... acne all over my body and mood swings i cant explain, i get really angry n frustrated at something i wouldve found funny yesterday... so not me... 

n sex omg i need sex lol (sorry again) but last week was my husbands and i 1 yr wedding anniversary and we were home alone all weekend - even had some drinks, romantic dinner, new mousturiser, lol  - & nothing - nulla - nup... grrrrrr ... but gotta admit had not slept that well in weeks lol.. but i just feel like after me being sick for so long. or us staying with our parents to look after me & him. or the fact we cant get pregnant at the moment but we cant use any real contraceptives except condoms (& they dont always work so fear goes in our head or something) or just the whole surgery i dont wanna hurt u routine... maybe we've just gotten use to it... :( I just dont know what to do.... 

So really to sum it up. 

im awake coz im worried about tomorrow's check up. 

I worry for my family 

& I worry that my body is not normal & i'll get or still have cancer again.. 

& I need my husband to show me affection & take all my doubts away. (& I have all the faith in the world that he will coz he is my heart & soul) 

 

9 Replies

  • Samhutto's avatar
    Samhutto
    Member
    15 years ago
    Thanks tonya! Need to get my mother inlaw's sewing expertise onboard! Have used the excuse of the low necklines to purchase more tops! Am going to reschedule a trip to china (was booked to go the day after my mastectomy so had to put it on hold) & was just saying to my girlfriend that lives there, how I will go bra-less & wear scarfes positioned strategically! Good to know that's a real option! I think the encore mob here in adelaide may do the water aerobics so I will definately give them a call next week...have my 5 yr olds 6th bday this wkend & need to get baking, cleaning, gardening etc, so that can be my exercise till then!! Thanks girls, nice to have some women to discuss all this with. Xxxxx
  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    try this free excercise program for breast cancer patients/survivors 

    great info sessions and great support plus easy excercising to get those muscles and movement back.

    http://www.ywcaencore.org.au/

    If your bra's are hurting try buying a bigger size bra (I found that helped after my mastectomy) it was still uncomftable a little especially that soon after the mastectomy but it was better. 

    have not heard about cancer voices SA - will check em out... 

    meantime keep walking everyday atleast 1/2 hr with ur arms swinging at the sides. this will help with pain and getting your movement back. I use to take an endone before the walk, go for the walk, come home then have a nap... lol... surgeons were impressed how quickly i got my movement back... u gotta drug ur self up and do those excercises .... :) 

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    try this free excercise program for breast cancer patients/survivors 

    great info sessions and great support plus easy excercising to get those muscles and movement back.

    http://www.ywcaencore.org.au/

    If your bra's are hurting try buying a bigger size bra (I found that helped after my mastectomy) it was still uncomftable a little especially that soon after the mastectomy but it was better. 

    have not heard about cancer voices SA - will check em out... 

    meantime keep walking everyday atleast 1/2 hr with ur arms swinging at the sides. this will help with pain and getting your movement back. I use to take an endone before the walk, go for the walk, come home then have a nap... lol... surgeons were impressed how quickly i got my movement back... u gotta drug ur self up and do those excercises .... :) 

  • danielle_ghilar's avatar
    danielle_ghilar
    Member
    15 years ago

    Hi Sam, I just read your blog and it makes me sad. Everything that your feeling is so normal for the situation your in. It sucks that your family have changed how they are with you. Some people donot know what to say and some people get scarred of the reality that cancer can happen to any one. As for sex it took me about 18 months but eventually i was interesed in sex. I have only recently let my boobs come back in to play. I have silicone implants and they bloody hurt to start but they are settling in now and i have shown hubby how they can be touched without it hurting me. You have been through so much emotionally physically and mentally. Don't rush things, you will eventually get your life back. I hope that your appointment went well xx

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    yes my ultrasound on my neck came back clear. it is a lymph node the size of 10mm and they say its normal and nothing to worry about. 'they say, hehehehe'

    Also my breast surgeon answered all my questions, still not sure if i understand everything fully, but makes more sense. 

    Oh yeah Jo is lovely. She is a godsend, truely amazing loving person. my savior. lol... dont know what I would do without her..... xxxxx 

    yeah im sure all my problems will work them selves out and ill get new ones lol... soon enuf, lol 

    Merylee

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    Oh dear, no email access and broken mobile... geeezzzz i woulda gone nuts lol. does the gawler foundation cost anything? 

    Yeah would love the ladies email address. how old is she? and is she from Melbourne too? 

    yeah im feeling a little bit eeeekkkkk at the moment lol. Always surrounded by these gorgeous, strong women going thru chemo etc, and sometimes i just feel a bit guilty for not going thru those treatments and sometimes i feel people dont understand that i had cancer too, i just found it really early... sometimes i feel this way, most of the time ive met amazing ladies who do understand and know its a huge thing to have a mastectomy at 28 and still have terrible side effects without the harsher treatments. sometimes i also feel that i should be better by now, and is everything im feeling normal or is something wrong with me???? 

    im still very scared that the cancer did spread and will go undetected. i dont always have faith it the testing system as all my tests came back clear at the start prior to lumpectomy. then bam oh crap we were wrong u have cancer.... so im a little bit untrusting the system.... :( but thats my wringe for the day, off to the doctors today, to get some test results so wish me luck. 

    my mobile no. 0420843891 text away!!!! 

    how is eveyrthing with u going? i have been hearing a bit from Jo, I ask her about u regulary. 

    also if your on Facebook feel free to add me Merylee Punchard (punchard2010@hotmail.com) <---- that also goes out to anyone else on here i chat too... 

    Merylee

  • Sorrentino-Mari's avatar
    Sorrentino-Mari
    Member
    15 years ago

    Dear Sam, sorry I havent been able to check emails for a while and I was missing knowing about you, my mobile got broken so I appreciate if you could please give me again your phone number so we can text....I know a beautiful lady from Gawler foundation who had gone for the same than you and if you wish I can ask her for her email or so, she is fantastic....and again, I would strongly suggest you to give a shot to Gawler...the program is amazing and most of the ppl there are not doing chemo, is a life changing experience for everyone affected with Cancer, I told Jo Davis you both should go together next time...the 12 weeks program is simply WONDERFUL!!! TOO MUCH TO LEARN!

    And yeap sex a big issue, I am experiencing the same....and the fact of being half bold plus the zoladex do not help ha ha!!

    Take careeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  • Sorrentino-Mari's avatar
    Sorrentino-Mari
    Member
    15 years ago

    Dear Sam, sorry I havent been able to check emails for a while and I was missing knowing about you, my mobile got broken so I appreciate if you could please give me again your phone number so we can text....I know a beautiful lady from Gawler foundation who had gone for the same than you and if you wish I can ask her for her email or so, she is fantastic....and again, I would strongly suggest you to give a shot to Gawler...the program is amazing and most of the ppl there are not doing chemo, is a life changing experience for everyone affected with Cancer, I told Jo Davis you both should go together next time...the 12 weeks program is simply WONDERFUL!!! TOO MUCH TO LEARN!

    And yeap sex a big issue, I am experiencing the same....and the fact of being half bold plus the zoladex do not help ha ha!!

    Take careeeeeeeeeeeeeeee