The tears started today :(

Thanks for the encouragement Adean xx

Hi there for me it's 4 years post diagnosis and yeh I'm still here, bad times good times I got through. This site was a saviour, the my journey kit amazing and joining a support group with woman who are now life long friends, I can wine to them and complain and they understand. Families do not know what to do and they suffer as much as us,I cried in the bathroom in front of the mirror, on the toilet lol. I was exhausted 10 kgs fell of me obviously stress I had no desire to eat.but I'm here I just wanted you to know you get there you do. Regards adean 

Thank you ?

I amnfew months into this all so kind of getting the hang of it... I promise it does get a bit easier as times goes on and you have more certainty arround where to from there... Still there is no right or wrong way to feel and just allow yourself to feel whatever is right at the time. And remember - it is bloody hard and the most out of the ordinary thing you will need to deal with so just be you, be kind to yourself and remember to take care of yourself as you have to... To be there for others when this is all over you need to put yourself 1st right now...

Hugs

Jel

Thanks Jel, for sharing some of your experiences. It really is a tough journey. Praying that the rest of yours goes well xx

I am so sorry you have had to join our not so little 'club'...

Being diagnosed is such a crazy time and such emotional overload I honestly do not know how I made it through it all.

I was diagnosed end of Feb and weirdly even though I had found the lump and knew straight away it would be cancer and was OK when they told me it was there was 1 thing that would get tears going... I was accepting of having BC and surgery and treatment etc and while I could talk about it calmly and openly with doctors and manager at work when I would say "I have been diagnosed with breast cancer" years would flood and I would slobber.  I could say "I have cancer" or "I jave breast cancer" but that "have been diagnosed with" killed me...

No idea why...

Well, everyone that knew what was going on thought I was coping well - brilliantly in fact.... I was cool and calm and planning for working during therapy, worked day 4 post lumpectomy in fact (so important no disease would slow me down) then continued to plan for once Chemo started etc... Not many people knew or still know about my BC as hiding it due to keeping it a secret from mum who was goong o'seas and still is there so wanted her to have a jice holoday knowing this will crush her when she finds out and she is unwell as is so lived my life as per usual... all 'normal'

Yeah, right... best laid plans....

Well shit hit the fan the closer my Chemo got as I had realosed that I would not be able to continue working as my other medical conditions meant Inwould be at high risk of various infections and management offcourse did not plan for a handover seeing I had been so stoic post surgery. Well those last 4 weeks ended up being hell as no handover or replacement and massive hissy fits and panic in the last few days when they realised they would be up the certain creek without a paddle...

My bravado all along meant hubby also toom thinks too easily and had not properly thought about impact od chemo on me or our homelife and routines so once Chemo started that too was an absolute Hell as the "baby" had to deal with the reality which did not go well for either one of us intially...

I am not saying thins to minimise what you are going through or feelong or planning. 

I guess what I am wanting to say is that you are goong through a massive shock and probably the hardest thing you will ever go through. And these early days are the ones filled with most uncertainty and most confusion and we, as women, have the propensity to think that we can keep on goong rehardless of what happened to us or what is thrown at us...

The fact is that while right now is scary and uncertain once you have your surgery and they run all the biopsies they will have a very good idea what yoir diagnosis is and what is the best treatment and then a plan starts to form and it gets easier from there. 

It is great to plan for the best (minimal treatment, ability to continue working etc) but make sure you investigate all the options and plan for the worst so rhat should you not be able to work for a while you are not then rushed or caught offguard... Days tou receive Chemo as such are not bad - you are well looked after. And we all react differently to Chemo and have good days and bad days so make sure that if planning to work there are alternatives for you if unable for some reason to go into work or if you develope chemo fog (I had a massive issuee with it during 1st round)...

And know it is an emotional battlefield being diagnosed and dealong with the fiagnossis as well as with hownothers react to it...

We have all been there and many of us are still living it so regardless of how you feel I hope you will remeber this forum is one safe place. We get it - and I mean we all trully get it... Be it emotions or reaction to drugs or medicos we are exposed to or confusion post various appointments we have all cried, laughed, sooked, whinged, had outright meltdowns and various highs and lows, been thrilled by little successes and heartbroken by 'curly' unexpected developments and reacted in ways we never thought would be possible... So regardless of what happens going forward do know this is one safe place where we will get it and everyone does their best to support each other and makes this jumbled world of BC a little bit less scary and daunting for those who come behind us

hugs

Jel.

Thanks Leila. It will be nice to have someone at a similar stage to talk to about what we are going through.

Ive started a private group chat on Facey as well to share with family and a couple of close friends. Im not sure if Im up to telling everyone yet though. Maybe sometime soon I will.

Im hoping to keep on working and my boss is being super supportive so Im really lucky I guess. His wife is even going to try and fill in for me on Chemo days and the day after. I would like to think that I can organise my Chemo for a Thursday cos that would give me the Friday and weekend to get over it... then hopefully be back at work on the Monday.

Its all just one step at a time :)

I'm so sorry to hear you are on this journey too :( I have pretty much told everyone, I just find it easier to have it out there. Everyone has been great. I also took the advice of one of the members on here and started a private FB page to keep family and friend updated from the one spot, its been a great help, we have family all over the place who want to stay up to date on my progress and I don't have to individually message everyone (even better once treatment starts and I have no energy). I went back to work today, after having the last few days off for tests and appointments, it went really well and the time went quick, but I was super tired by the end of the day.

All the best with your treatment, I will keep an eye out for your posts xx

Hello Leila.

Im at a similar stage to you. I've jus been diagnosed and nothing else has happened yet. I've just ordered my kit and hopefully it will come soon. 

Im still having a tear every day too, and don't know who I should tell and who I shouldn't tell.

i have all these crazy thoughts about how things are going to be when..... And then have to change my thoughts!

Im finding it hard to sleep as well and and still working full time.  Everyone tells me how strong I am but I sure as hell don't feel like it at the moment. 

Good luck with it all, :)

Thank you xx

<3